.           all rights belong to Tanis Harms –
.             refer to

DOG CLUB    - written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC:        must have the right condition of the heart,
.             showing fruit before one can be baptized
SCRIPTURE:    Luke 3:3-18
Style:        allegory/conversation:  people try to enter
.             a club that is exclusive to dog owners
.             but they are only pretending to have a dog
Cast:         Doorkeeper, 5 PEOPLE
Set & Props:  door, live dog, live cat,
.             big photo of a dog, stuffed dog,
.             stiff leash for pretend dog
         (if a live dog is a problem, use a dog cage)


(DOORKEEPER enters from one side and stands beside
the door or exit.)

KEEPER  Now is the time to join the Dog Club.
.       Benefits include friendship and unconditional
.       love.  If you have a dog, please come join now.

(PERSON 1 enters from other side, carrying a live dog,
and approaches the DOORKEEPER.)

P1      I would like to join.  I just got my dog and
.       his name is Flea.

KEEPER  He doesn’t have fleas, does he?

P1      Oh no-no-no – I make sure that he’s well
.       taken care of.  I’m very excited to join
.       a club with people who appreciate and share
.       this same passion.

KEEPER  Welcome to the Dog Club then.  You may enter,
.       and make yourself right at home.

P1      Thank you.

KEEPER  Tell your friends and family.

P1      Oh, I will.  I HAVE.

(PERSON 1 exits through the door.  PERSON 2 enters
from the other side carrying a cat and approaches
.                                                     2
P2      Ah, I would like to join.

KEEPER  But this is the Dog Club.

P2      So.

KEEPER  You have a cat.

P2      I’m sure you can make an exception.

KEEPER  I’m sorry, no exceptions.  

P2      What’s the big deal?

KEEPER  It’s the DOG Club.

P2      Fine!  Then I want NOTHING to do with YOU -
.       EVER AGAIN!

KEEPER  That is your choice.  You can certainly come back
.       when you have a dog.

(PERSON 2 storms out the other side.  PERSON 3 enters
and approaches DOORKEEPER.)


P3      I want to join.

KEEPER  You don’t have a dog.  This is the Dog Club.

P3      I want to join so I can keep my best friend
.       quiet.

KEEPER  It doesn’t work that way.

P3      Please, just help me out, here.  I’m tired
.       of my friend nagging at me to get a dog.
.       If I could just join the club, then they probably
.       wouldn’t even realize I don’t HAVE a dog.

KEEPER  Why don’t you see if you WANT a dog?

P3      I really DON’T want a dog.

KEEPER  Then you certainly don’t want to - and cannot -
.       join the Dog Club.  You can attend meetings,
.       to see if you want a dog, but you cannot
.       join the club.
.                                                      3
P3      Whatever!  This is all so stupid anyway.

(PERSON 3 struts off in the other direction.  
PERSON 4 enters with a stiff leash, pretending there’s
a dog at the other end.)

P4      I’m here to join.

KEEPER  Ah - you – need to have a dog.

P4      I HAVE one.

KEEPER  No you don’t.

P4      I do.  Right over there.  The name is Slippers.
.       I named him Slippers because he’s so quiet.

KEEPER  He’s so quiet - because – he’s not really there.

P4      He is, too.  See.  Here Slippers, come here, boy.
.       Atta’ boy.  Ah, I love you too.  Okay, down boy,
.       stop licking me.  That’s enough now.

(PERSON 4 kneels down on the floor and pretends to play
with the pretend dog.)

KEEPER  Seriously, there is no dog.  

P4      How can you say that?  I have had this dog
.       forever.

KEEPER  You know, I believe that YOU believe you have
.       a dog, but the truth is, you do NOT have a dog.

P4      Everyone I KNOW has a dog.  My grandparents had
.       dogs, both my parents have dogs, so I have a dog.
.       And it’s a very good dog.  Never makes any mess
.       whatsoever.

KEEPER  THAT should be a clue right there.  Even if
.       you have the most well-behaved dog in the world,
.       there’s always a bit of a mess to clean up.
.       You need to have your own dog in order to join
.       the Dog Club...

P4      I just don’t believe this.  Well, come on
.       Slippers.  We’re not wanted here.  We’ll try
.       to find ANOTHER club to join, then.

(PERSON 4 exits in the other direction.                4
PERSON 5 enters carrying a stuffed dog and approaches
the DOORKEEPER.  P5 speaks without conviction.)

P5      I’m here to join the Dog Club.  This is my dog,
.       Stuffy.  I’ve had this dog since I was five
.       years old.  I love this dog so – very - much –
.       we are inseparable.

KEEPER  You dog is stuffed.

P5      Yes, as I already told you, my dog’s name
.       is Stuffy.

KEEPER  But, your dog is not real.  It’s a STUFFED dog.

P5      (defensively)  No it’s not!  It’s VERY real.
.       I will prove it.

(PERSON 5 puts the stuffed dog up to his mouth and
moves the stuff dog’s head and barks for it.)

P5      Arf-arf.  Arf-arf... (back to normal voice)
.       See!  It’s real.

KEEPER  You didn’t fool me.  You were the one barking.

(P5 now whines and pretends the stuffed dog is begging.)

KEEPER  You are not fooling anyone.

P5      Well fine!  You can’t blame a person for trying.

KEEPER  Instead of that, why not just get a REAL dog?

P5      That means I have to make some changes in
.       my life.  I just can’t be bothered.

KEEPER  Well, come back when you decide to get
.       a real dog.

P5      I’ll think about it.

(DOORKEEPER exits through the door and P5 exits on
the other side.)