(not including music)  all rights belong to Tanis Harms –
.             refer to

MISS COMMUNICATIONS – written by Tanis Harms, © 2016

(Ideal for dinner theater.  Actors can be the waiters.
Create bios and have prepared lines to stay in character.
EXAMPLE PROGRAM:  main course, ACT 1, dessert, ACT 2)

PREMISE:     There is something suspicious happening
.            in the company where Barbara begins
.            her new career.  Eventually, office politics
.            reveal the true nature of each employee,
.            influencing other choices that Barbara
.            must make.
STYLE:       musical comedy
TOPIC:       trust, doing the right thing
SCRIPTURE:   Matt.7:20, Gal.6:7

.                         CENTER STAGE

(QUARTET enters at down stage right to sing.  
During this song, TEAM 2 enters and sits at their table.
As they enter they are already working, on cellphones
or checking messages... ignoring everyone around them.
ANN is always chair 8.  EXEC.ASSIST. uses chair 7, and
is always glued to ANN’S hip and alert to her every need.
STEVEN at chair 9.  HILARY at chair 6.  JOHN at chair 10.
JOHN enters last, miming a conversation on his cellphone,
making himself obvious.  He is the imposter.)

SONG  1: "THE GREAT IMPOSTER" by The Fleetwoods

QUARTET      (vs.1) “Well I...
.            To the...
.            I stood...
.            Couldn't help...
.            Poetry so...
.            He's just...
.            She thinks...
.            All her...
.            For they..."

(During song, TEAM 2 enters with friendly waves and
handshakes, then sits at their table: NATHAN at chair 3,
JAM at chair 2, HIJO at chair 1, CHUCK at chair 4.)

QUARTET      (vs.2) “Don't she...                       2
.            It's not...
.            And he's...
.            That is...
.            Oh can't ...
.            Soon she'll...
.            But it...
.            All her...
.            For they..."

(During song, PAIGE ushers in BARBARA, making
BARBARA look obvious.  She will become the victim.  
PAIGE issues a security badge to hang around
BARBARA’S neck, then hands her a laptop.  Juggling
purse, laptop and notebook, BARBARA looks very nervous,
then sees JOHN nearby and gives him an obvious smile.  
JOHN rudely scowls at her and turns his back on her.  
BARBARA nervously pretends that she did not just wave.)

QUARTET      (vs.3) “Poetry so...
.            He's just...
.            She thinks...
.            All her...
.            For they...
.            And she's...
.            They all...”

(QUARTET can always be doing cool dance moves with music,
and as they end the song, they motion to center stage
and exit smoothly as if going about their business.  
PAIGE motions to areas she’s talking about to BARBARA.
BARBARA tries to take notes but doesn’t understand
everything and ends up staring into space, perplexed.)

PAIGE        Back there are conference rooms
.            when you need to org a meet.
.            Lunchroom, there.  It’s oaky - ish.
.            That’s team 2’s area.  Right across
.            is the fax and photocopy room.
.            Hash-tag-virtual-tech-drama!
.            You’ll be part of Team 1 – right here.  

CHUCK        Oh Paige!  Paging Paige!

PAIGE        Hilar’ – (confiding to BARBARA) -not.
.            I should have gone into T-shirt designing
.            when I had the op.

CHUCK        Paige!  Who do you have there?

PAIGE        Your new admin.  Work!                     3
.            (to BARBARA)  Any que’sh- just ask.

BARBARA      Thanks?

(TEAM 1 crowds around.  NATHAN reaches out to
shake BARBARA’S hand.)

NATHAN       Hey there!  I’m the boss.  VP of Team 1.
.            Just call me Nathan.  It’s casual.
.            Our team is, anyway.  That’ll be your spot.

(NATHAN points to chair 5.  As BARBARA sets her laptop
and purse down, NATHAN continues the introductions.)

NATHAN       These are the salesmen for Team 1.
.            Hijo.

(HIJO shakes BARBARA’S hand.)

BARBARA      Your name, again?

HIJO         As in “high-oh!”

CHUCK        As in HEY-OH... except Hi, as in hello.

NATHAN       THAT would be Chuck.

CHUCK        As in up-chuck.

HIJO         You said that.

JAM          Hello, my name is Runjamayray Mejymjer.

CHUCK        For his last name, I think of it as
.            “mark my jam jar.”  The first name’s easy.
.            it’s like run – jam – here – aye?
.            Like the Scottish ‘aye’ - like
.            ‘aye, mi governor, accept that’s British.
.            But you get the idea.  Just think
.            of runny jam.

JAM          Just call me Jam.  Everybody does.

CHUCK        Run – Jam – Run!

JAM          (deadpan)  Because it’s funny.

BARBARA      (meekly)  I get that.

CHUCK        (to BARBARA)  And did we get your name?    4

BARBARA      (shakily insecure, fearing the worst)
.            It’s... Barbara.

(TEAM 1 quickly goes into song, and every so often,
dances with the reticent BARBARA.)

SONG  2: "BARBARA ANN" by The Regents

TEAM 1       (chorus) “Bar bar...
.            Bar bar...
.            Barbara Ann...
.            You got...
.            Rockin' and...
.            Bar bar...

.            (vs.1) “Went to...
.            Saw Barbara...
.            so I...
.            Barbara Ann...
.            Oh Barbara...
.            You got...
.            Rockin' and...
.            Bar bar...

.            (chorus) “Bar bar...
.            Bar bar...
.            Barbara Ann...
.            You got...
.            Rockin' and...
.            Bar bar...

.            (vs.2) “Played our...
.            Danced with...
.            Tried Peggy...

.            (chorus) “Oh Barbara...
.            Barbara Ann...
.            Oh Barbara...
.            You got...
.            Rockin' and...
.            Bar bar...”

(You can end the song here before the Saxophone solo.
After getting caught up in a dance, BARBARA shyly steps
off to the side, waiting for further instructions.)

BARBARA       (questioningly)  Thanks?  So- unexpected.

NATHAN        Well, it is mad-crazy-SICK that           5
.             you’ve joined our team.  We interviewed
.             so many people for this position.

CHUCK         No one wanted us.

(ANN comes from around the corner with her EXEC.ASSIST.  
NATHAN becomes a little nervous to introduce her.)

NATHAN        Oh, ah, right behind you is Ann Debeeze.

(BARBARA holds out a hand to shake, which is ignored.)

ANN           MS. – Ann - Debreeze...  Good morning-

EXEC.ASSIST.  (points as he/she names off TEAM 1)
.             Nathan, Hijo, Runjamhayray Mejymjer
.             and Chuck.

BARBARA       Wow!

ANN           Just make sure you can measure up to that!
.             I only expect the best and most
.             professional.  So - best of luck.
.             I’ll be watching you.  All of you...

(ANN and EXEC.ASSIST. return to Team 2’s table.)

CHUCK         And she means it too.  Not the part
.             about wishing us luck – but she will
.             be watching!

NATHAN        She is VP of Team 2, but will very soon
.             be moving on up that corporate ladder.
.             So just consider her a future VIP.

BARBARA       (shaking her hand)  I’m so sorry,
.             what was her name again?

(BARBARA grabs notebook and pen, poised to write.)

NATHAN        Ms. Ann Debreeze.

CHUCK         Just like antifreeze.  Or you can remember,
.             there’s beauty – “and the beast.”
.             And she is one and the same.
.             Spelling’s a little different though.

BARBARA       (super serious)  Completely!...  And
.             dare I ask what her assistant’s name is?
.                                                       6
JAM           Nobody knows.  Not even Ms. Debreeze.

HIJO          I think even the assistant has forgotten
.             her own name, since boss-lady has
.             drained the soul out of her.
.             We just call her robot-lady. (man)

(ANN returns with EXEC.ASSIST.  Both remain stoic.)

ANN           Oh!  Almost forgot –


ANN           I needed to tell you that your client –

EXEC.ASSIST.  Mr. Mark Winchester.

EXEC.ASSIST.  Has had a golfing accident and is in
.             the hospital with a messed up back.

(ANN and EXEC.ASSIST. return to Team 2’s table with
an air of superiority.  NATHAN turns to BARBARA
then talks and thinks as he paces in front of her.)

NATHAN        Well, you have your first assignment!
.             I need you to quickly – (snapping fingers)
.             Write a letter.  Quick!  Quick!  Quick!
.             Write a letter!

(BARBARA freaks and scrambles to write an “S” onto
a piece of paper and holds it up for NATHAN
and audience to see.  NATHAN glances and comments, then
“dictating,” BARBARA scrambles to write it all down.)

NATHAN        Solid!  But no.  I need you to send
.             some flowers to Mr. Winchester,
.             with an sympathy note saying,
.             ‘Dear – his name, I’m so sorry
.             for the said incident... blah-blah-blah,
.             and you can infer some other such
.             innuendoes in there.  Sincerely, me.’

(BARBARA nods as she finishes, then holds up to look at.
But NATHAN grabs it and signs it while he keeps talking.  
NATHAN holds the letter out, and MESSENGER sweeps through
to collect it and heads stage left to the exit.  
BARBARA is wide-eyed with terror as she watches
the letter disappear.  And NATHAN just continues talking.
This “orientation” goes along very quickly.)
.                                                       7
NATHAN        You’ll find working here with our team
.             is COOL.  At times, you may have to
.             deal with Team 2 over there.  We try
.             not to think of them as being mad-sick.
.             But our team – is solid and COOL.

(BARBARA turns back to NATHAN and nods with confusion.)

NATHAN        There’s sometimes B2B with the IBU,
.             but usually it’s B2C with the CE and CMOs.
.             It’s all about our EBITDA and EPS,
.             but most importantly, the CRM.
.             There’s no MSRP, so NDAs are preferred.
.             And we let someone else worry about
.             the TCO and TQM.  But everything is
.             on the API which may require EDI,
.             supported by the ICT, who deals
.             directly with ISV, OEM, and...

BARBARA       (finishes the Mickey Mouse song with)
.             “M – O – U – S – E”?

NATHAN        YES!  You’ll hear a lot of acronyms.
.             There’s an online dictionary for that.
.             If you need any help with anything,
.             just ask.  If you have computer problems,
.             see Hijo, here.  He’s my solid and
.             way-cool computer geek.

(BARBARA quickly opens her laptop while NATHAN
continues to talk thinking she might need it.)

NATHAN        But if you have really SERIOUS computer
.             problems, take it to the IT office.
.             Just hold it up over your head and shake it
.             like this - and say - “It doesn’t work.”

(NATHAN mimes that out with a crazy voice and HIJO nods.)

NATHAN        One of your tasks will be to fax papers
.             over to lawyers, clients and prospects.
.             I’m assuming you know how to use a fax?

(BARBARA winces and wilts apologetically.)

NATHAN        You can test it out by faxing yourself.
.             It actually comes through as an email
.             attachment.

(BARBARA continues to take notes furiously.)            8

NATHAN        I do NOT expect you to get coffee
.             for ANYONE.  That is not your job.
.             But you will need to enter data
.             into our system.  So why don’t we get you
.             started with that right now.  Hijo?

(NATHAN goes back to work on his laptop, while
BARBARA sits down, with HIJO standing over her
pointing at the screen.  BARBARA looks back and forth
from laptop to writing notes frantically.)

HIJO          Okay, see at the top of the screen,
.             the picture you see on your computer.
.             See the bar – it is blue – there is a box.
.             It’s more like a rectangle.  To type in –
.             you have to click into the box –
.             the rectangle – then type in the data.
.             Now click on the little box – which is
.             actually a box – and that is yellow,
.             it says “enter” – click that.
.             To the right.  Now scroll down.
.             Slide the picture down.  Yes it really
.             goes up, but you will go down the page.
.             Once you see the correct name,
.             find the arrow, and access the info box
.             to correlate with account number.
.             Click!  And there you are!

(HIJO sits down, and BARBARA wipes a furrowed brow.)

BARBARA       Sure...  I think now...
.             I’m going to figure out how to fax.

(BARBARA grabs a piece of paper and stands up.
But hearing JOHN, she pauses to eavesdrop onto TEAM 2.
Very upset, JOHN stops pacing and gets off his call.)

JOHN          Okay!  Who messed up this deal?

ANN           What?!  A deal has been messed up?!

JOHN          If there’s any way - I could blame
.             it on Team 1...

ANN           This was OUR deal.  WE are number one,
.             and we need to STAY number one.
.             Do we have a mole or not?

JOHN          On the down low.  VERY –                  9

(JOHN catches a glimpse of BARBARA listening in
and glares at her.  JOHN doesn’t continue until
BARBARA rushes away to exit stage right with her paper.)

JOHN          VERY down low.  

(TEAM 2 becomes very sneaky and sit there suspiciously,
like no one wants to get caught.)

ANN           Can I trust ANYONE here though?
.             I don’t know if I can trust anyone here.

JOHN          We’ve got your back.  Just make sure
.             you have ours.  So we can back up
.             each other.  Whatever it takes!

ANN           That is the problem with A-types.
.             I know!  Whatever it takes –
.             can mean going to any extent.

JOHN          Or as I like to say – go the distance!

ANN           You are vying for my position,
.             aren’t you... John?

JOHN          Someone has to replace you as VP of Team 2
.             ONCE you move up the corporate ladder.

ANN           And then what?  Get my NEXT position?

JOHN          What are you afraid of?

(Creeping and looking around suspiciously,
ANN begins to sing with TEAM 2 and/or QUARTET.)


ANN           “Who's watching
.             Tell me..."

.             “I'm just... [“WO”]man
.             With an...
.             I work...
.             Hey, [“MAN”]...
.             All I...
.             In my...
.             But why...
.             Like I'm..."
.                                                      10
ANN           “And-
BACKUP        (I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           And I...
.             Whooooa-oh-oh
BACKUP        (I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           Tell me..."

.             “When I...
.             I bolt...
.             People call...
.             I'm trying...
.             But can...
.             Or am..."

ANN           “When I'm...
.             I'm afraid...
.             'Cause I...
.             And find...
.             People say...
.             Just a...
.             But maybe...
.             Of Psycho...
.             That's why"

BACKUP        “(I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           And I...
.             Whooooa, oh-oh
BACKUP        (I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           Who's playin'..."

.             [Instrumental Interlude]

(End it here, or you can have them dance then continue.)

BACKUP        “(Who's watching...)
ANN           I don't...
.             Are the...
BACKUP        (Who's watching)
ANN           Well, is...
BACKUP        (Tell me...)
ANN           And I...
.             Oh, what...
.             I wonder...
BACKUP        (Who)
ANN           The IRS"
.                                                      11
BACKUP        “(I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           And I...
ANN           Whooooa, oh-oh
BACKUP        (I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           Tell me..."

BACKUP        “(I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           And I...
.             Whooooa, oh-oh
BACKUP        (I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           Who's playin'...
BACKUP        (Who's watching...)
.             (I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           Oooooooh
.             Whooooa-oh-oh
BACKUP        (I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           So tell...
BACKUP        (Who's watching...)
.             (I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           Whooooa-oh-oh
BACKUP        (I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           Who's playing...
BACKUP        (Who's watching...)
.             (I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           Can I...
.             Whooooa-oh-oh
BACKUP        (I always...)
.             (Somebody's watching...)
ANN           Who's playing...?”

(ANN stops to stare down her team.)

JOHN          None of us are playing tricks.
.             You can count on us to play straight-
.             as straight as you make it.

(ANN freezes in thought)

ANN           I’m going to go play damage control,
.             now, and see what I can do.
.                                                      12
(ANN swings around and snaps her fingers for EXEC.ASSIST.
to follow her out stage left.  JOHN watches as
BARBARA enters with her papers and returns to her chair.  
Back at TEAM 1, HIJO looks up at BARBARA.)

HIJO          (looking up)  You did it?

BARBARA       I think so.  I’m going to check my email
.             now to make sure that it comes through.

SOUND:        office phone ringing

(BARBARA stops typing on her laptop to answer her phone.)

BARBARA       Hello, Barbara MacArthur-

SOUND:        high-pitch squealing

(BARBARA protects her ear and slams down the phone –
wondering.  HIJO nods with understand.)

HIJO          You didn’t send it to your fax number.
.             You sent it to your PHONE number!

BARBARA       Ugh. I’ll try the faxing-thing again later.
.             I’m now going to attempt to enter
.             this data.

SOUND:        office phone ringing

(BARBARA answers the phone again.)

BARBARA       Hello, Bar-

SOUND:        high-pitch squealing

(BARBARA puts the phone down sheepishly.)

BARBARA       So embarrassing.

(BARBARA goes back to her laptop.  It doesn’t take long
when she looks up in despair and a sigh.)

BARBARA       (leaning over to HIJO)
.             Is Lithuanian a country – or a metal?

HIJO          That would be lithium.

SOUND:        office phone ringing
.                                                      13
(BARBARA cautiously picks up the receiver.)

SOUND:        high-pitch squealing

(BARBARA puts the receiver down with a sigh.)

BARBARA       Can I ask a dumb question?

HIJO          So far, you have proven that you can.

BARBARA       I need to know how-

(Holding the letter, PAIGE marches up to TEAM 1.)

PAIGE         Florist got back- wants to know if this
.             is for real.  Good thing!  More like,
.             real – ish!  I assume it came from you?
.             It’s cray-cray.  Can you just deal?

BARBARA       Okay?

(PAIGE holds out the letter.  BARBARA nods and tries
to take it but PAIGE holds onto it tightly.)

PAIGE         Just saying: hash-tag-beyond-stupid-ever!
.             (reading)  “Dear – his name, I’m so sorry
.             for the said incident... blah-blah-blah,
.             and you can infer some other such
.             innuendoes in there.  Sincerely, me.”

(BARBARA puts both hands up to her head.)

BARBARA       I’m so sorry.  It went out before
.             it was ready.  I am beyond embarrassed.
.             (hopefully, looking at the phone)
.             At least I stopped phoning myself.

(NATHAN has jumped up to grab the letter to see for
himself then holds it out.  PAIGE exits stage left.)

NATHAN        This could have been sent to the client
.             like that!

CHUCK         We could have lost our biggest client!

HIJO          Other clients could have heard about it.

JAM           We would have been the giggling stick
.             of everyone.
.                                                      14
NATHAN        Yes!  Why not?  Let’s be the laughing stock
.             of the world or the biggest losers of all!
.             Or hey! - Why can’t we have both?

BARBARA       (starts to cry)  I’m the worst admin. ever.
.             I don’t know what I’m doing.  At all.
.             Everything’s so - overwhelming.

NATHAN        Okay!  It’s okay.  Listen!

(NATHAN stares BARBARA down gently and sincerely.)

NATHAN        Let me – help you – help me...  Okay?
.             Now, let’s all start over, shall we?
.             One step at a time.  First,
.             let’s figure out how you learn.
.             Everyone has different learning styles.

CHUCK         Most people learn best when they put
.             things into a song.

BARBARA       That is so not me.  I’m really not good
.             with song lyrics.  I can hear a song
.             a million times, but never remember
.             the words.  I just start making them up.

NATHAN        Well, this won’t take long, and we will
.             get you LOVING your work.  Loving work –
.             helps you to love your life.  So we’ll
.             just take it nice and slowly...

SONG  4: “ABC” by Jackson 5

TEAM 1        “You went...
.             Things you...
.             Like 'I'...
.             And why...
.             Now, now...
.             Teach you...
.             All about...
.             Sit yourself...
.             All you..."

.             “A B C...
.             As simple...
.             A B C...
.             A B C...
.             As simple...
.             A B C..."
.                                                      15
.             “Come on...
.             Come on...
.             I'm gonna...
.             Come on...
.             Let me...
.             Reading, writing...
.             Are the...
.             But without...
.             Your education...
.             Tea-Tea-Teacher's...
.             (She's gonna...)
.             How to... (na-na-na-naaaaaa)
.             How to...
.             Listen to...
.             That's all..."

.             “Oh, A B C...
.             As simple...
.             A B C...
.             A B C...
.             Sing a...
.             That's how...
.             That's how...
.             Sing a...
.             1 2 3..."

.             “Sit down... love [“IT”]
.             No, get...
.             Show me...
.             Shake it...
.             Shake it...
.             Shake it...
.             1 2 3...
.             A B C...
.             Do re...
.             That's how...
.             A B C...
.             It's like...
.             Sing a...
.             That's how...
.             I'm gonna...
.             How to...
.             Come-a,...
.             Let me...
.             A B C...
.             It's like...
.             Sing a...
.             That's how..."

.             “I'm gonna...                            16
.             How to...
.             Sing it...
.             Sing it...
.             It's like...
.             Sing a...
.             That's how...”

(TEAM 1 and possibly QUARTET ends with a ta-da pose.
As they remain frozen... BARBARA nods.)

BARBARA       (unsure)  Awesome.  Thanks.

(TEAM 1 turns their heads toward BARBARA, waiting
for her to try to sing.  BARBARA nervously obliges.)

BARBAR        “It’s like – something - and up to 3-
.             sing a crazy - memory-
.             because its - b – b – d and c – and e”

(TEAM 1 unfreezes and returns to their table.)

HIJO          She is really not good with lyrics.

(BARBARA walks to her chair but bumps into JOHN
who has been pacing.)

BARBARA       Oh, hi, John.

JOHN          Do not talk to me!

(HILARY and STEVEN now approach, curiously.)

HILARY        We haven’t met you yet.
.             How - did you know John’s name?

(JOHN leers at her threateningly.)

BARBARA       I- (draws out the “I”) overheard
.             someone calling his name.

(BARBARA smiles at JOHN.)

JOHN          Just keep your eyes to yourself, there!...
.             strange person I’ve never met before!
.             Did you NOT go through the sexual
.             harassment portion of the orientation?!

(BARBARA’s mouth drops and they go into a deep stare,
freezing like this as QUARTET quickly goes into song...)
.                                                      17
SONG  5:  "I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU" by The Flamingos

QUARTET       “My love...
.             I can't...

.             “Are the...
.             I don't...
.             I Only...

.             “The moon...
.             but I...
.             'Cause I...

.             “I don't...
.             or on...

.             “You are...
.             Maybe millions...
.             but they...
.             And I...”

(QUARTET shake their heads and exit.  BARBARA breaks
the stare and looks away.)

BARBARA       I’m sorry.

JOHN          You should be!

STEVEN        Well, it’s too bad you’re not working
.             on our team.  Team 2 should really
.             be called Team 1 – because we’re the best.

HILARY        But we don’t need a name with a number
.             for us to know that.

STEVEN        Right!  But since you’re not on our team,
.             we could hang out sometime, so you could
.             get to see how awesome we really are.

JOHN          We do not want to associate with
.             the people from the other team!

STEVEN        But she’s so cue– how do I say it
.             without getting into trouble? –
.             She’s probably someone we’d
.             want to hang with.

JOHN          No she’s not!  She’s a loser!
.             Right alongside her teammates!
.                                                      18
(BARBARA gasps and rushes to the lunchroom
to dab her eyes, while JOHN looks back at
HILARY and STEVEN and shrugs.)

JOHN          What?

STEVEN        You should go apologize.

JOHN          I don’t have to do that.

HILARY        (shrugs)  Personally, I don’t like
.             touchy females.  They make ME look bad.

STEVEN        I think you should apologize.

JOHN          She’s from the other team.

STEVEN        She’s still a person.

JOHN          Alright.

(JOHN marches over to the lunchroom and steps in,
speaking very bluntly.)

JOHN          Sorry, okay?  I didn’t mean that.
.             You should know.  Okay, so,
.             let’s go back out there and show ‘em
.             how tough you are and just do your job.

(BARBARA finishes drying her eyes and follows JOHN
back to center stage.  ANN and EXEC.ASSIST. enter and
see that BARBARA has been crying and quickly assumes.)

ANN           (to BARBARA)  You’re okay, right?
.             (to JOHN)  We’re okay, right?
.             We’ll be okay as long as she doesn’t
.             want to make a report?

BARBARA       (extra nervous)  No, I’m – okay.

ANN           (intensely)  Do I make you nervous?

BARBARA       (nervously matter-of-fact)
.             No. I’m just always nervous.

ANN           Good.  Now –

EXEC.ASSIST.  Barbara MacArthur.

ANN           (snaps fingers)  Get me a coffee.        19

BARBARA       (nervously)  But -that’s not part
.             of my job discr-

ANN           (just talks right over BARB’s line)
.             Get me a grande half-caf double tall
.             easy macchiato non-fat no foam
.             with whipped triple mocha latte.

BARBARA       (pulling out paper and pen)  What?

ANN           A grande half-caf double tall
.             easy macchiato non-fat-

BARBARA       C-could you go really slow,
.             I don’t – speak – coffee.

ANN           Just – get – me – the - coffee!

(TEAM 2 return to their table.  PAIGE walks past
with some papers on her way to the fax room
in time to see the last part of that scene.)

BARBARA       (to PAIGE)  I’m in trouble.

PAIGE         No fret.  She’s so .com5!  Serious.
.             Hash-tag-worst-ever-monster-gig!

BARBARA       Ahhh, what do you suggest I do?

PAIGE         Easy!  The coffee-peops actually named
.             that coffee after her.  

BARBARA       They call it a “Ms. Ann Debreeze?”

PAIGE         Nooooo!  Just ask for –
.             “the-fussy-boss-lady-from-upstairs.”

BARBARA       (hush-like)  Good to know.

(PAIGE continues her walk across to exit stage right,
while BARBARA rushes out stage left.  Now the focus
is back on TEAM 2.  JOHN stands up addressing the group.)

JOHN          We’ve got this in the bag, people.
.             Let me take the lead on this next project
.             and I’ll take you into the next century.

HILARY        We’re already in the next century.
.                                                      20
JOHN          I’ll take you into the next, NEXT century!

STEVEN        (leaning over)  You’re so confident!
.             What’s your secret?

JOHN          I’ve got all my people in my back pocket.  

STEVEN        How do you know?

(JOHN pulls out a bunch of little toy people and
lines them up on the table.)

JOHN          And no one messes with my people!
.             Got that!

ANN           Okay then, let’s see you lead this
.             three ring circus.  Impress me! I dare you!

(BARBARA rushes in with a coffee-to-go and sets it
in front of ANN.  With a quick curtsy,
BARBARA rushes back to Team 1.)

ANN           Was that a-


ANN           Yes...  unless that was sarcasm,
.             I could get used to that.

JOHN          Well, what I cannot get used to –
.             is that our client scores show
.             a decline in customer service.

HILARY        I’d say the scores show a decline -
.             in customer IQs.

STEVEN        (amused)  YEAH they are!

JOHN          So I want us to go after –
.             “the fussy project.”
.             It’s still in the pipeline.
.             We just have to flush out that deal!

ANN           And just how do you plan to do that?
.             We were taken off – “the fussy project.”
.             It’s been given to Team 1.

JOHN          Really? Team 1?!  They can’t handle the
.             fussy project!  We’re going to get it back!
.                                                      21
ANN           Not unless there’s some clever gameplay
.             up your sleeve.  Are you really
.             up for this game?

JOHN          Oh, it is so on!  Game on!
.             We are going to WORK around the clock!
.             And by WORK – I mean – ROCK!

(TEAM 1 jumps out onto the floor for the song and dance.
QUARTET can join in.)

.             by Bill Haley & His Comets

TEAM 2        “1, 2, 3...
.             5, 6, 7...
.             9, 10, 11...
.             We're gonna..."

.             “Put your...
.             We'll have...
.             when the...
.             We're gonna...
.             We're gonna...
.             'til broad...
.             We're gonna...
.             around the..."

.             “When the...
.             If the...
.             We're gonna...
.             We're gonna...
.             'til broad...
.             We're gonna...
.             around the..."

.             (1st guitar solo)

(TEAM 2 can get down and air-band.
QUARTET can dance... or vice versa.)

.             “When the...
.             We'll be...
.             We're gonna...
.             We're gonna...
.             'til broad...
.             We're gonna...
.             around the..."

.             “When it's...                            22
.             I'll be...
.             We're gonna...
.             We're gonna...
.             'til broad...
.             We're gonna...
.             around the..."

.             (2nd guitar solo)

.             “When the...
.             we'll cool...
.             Start a...
.             We're gonna...
.             We're gonna...
.             'til broad...
.             We're gonna...
.             around the...”

(TEAM 2 finishes big and JOHN announces!)

JOHN          And by ROCK – I mean - WORK.
.             This has now become a competition.

(TEAM 2 huddles around their table, while over
at TEAM 1...  BARBARA is poised to take notes.)

NATHAN        So it is in no way - a competition.
.             We were given this prospect, therefore
.             we are going to try our best to win it.
.             Okay?  (looking to BARBARA)
.             Did you get all of that down, Barbara?

(BARBARA writes furiously, nodding.)

NATHAN        Let’s hear that back, again.

BARBARA       Ahhh, (reading)  “It is not a competition.
.             We were given this prospect.
.             We are going to try our best to win it.”

NATHAN        Exactly.  We need to be working together
.             as a team.    We - are going to use – LOVE!

(Everyone freezes.  BARBARA stops writing and
looks around to see how the others are reacting.
TEAM 1 have all frozen in deadpan expressions.)

NATHAN        That’s right.  Now, come on,
.             Let’s all stand up – and hold hands...
.                                                      23
(ALL tentatively stand to hold hands.  
BARBARA stays seated to take notes.)

NATHAN        And let’s all say, “I love you.”

TEAM 1        (mumbling)  I love you.

NATHAN        Did you mean it?  It did not sound
.             like you meant it.  One more time!
.             And Barbara – I want you to join us.

(BARBARA tentatively joins the group.)

TEAM 1        (mumbling)  I love you.

NATHAN        I’m going to keep asking you
.             until I hear it right.

TEAM 1        I love you!

NATHAN        Thank you, you can all sit down again.

(TEAM 1 sits, except for NATHAN who remains standing
to lecture.  BARBARA continues to take notes.)

NATHAN        And whenever we meet a customer,
.             or a prospect - each and every time –
.             start with saying, “I love you.”

HIJO          Seriously?

NATHAN        Not out loud.  It’s more of a heart-thing.
.             Okay?  But by doing that – it should
.             bring out the proper attitude.

CHUCK         Which is... love?

HIJO          Wait.  What is the proper attitude?

NATHAN        Not showing desperation.

CHUCK         So we’re NOT desperate?

NATHAN        Oh we’re desperate!  BUT –
.             whatever we do – we should not show
.             that we are desperate.

JAM           So what is our plot of going?

HIJO          Do we even have – a plan of action?      24

NATHAN        We need - a motto.  Think of a motto
.             that makes us – just get us into it.
.             As in... “get into it.”  “Get to it.”
.             And we’re running out of time,
.             so we really need to hop to it.  Let’s...
.             “hop to it.”  Let’s – GO TO THE HOP!

(NATHAN’S pep-rally-speech builds slowly into excitement.
TEAM 1 jumps onto the floor to sing and dance...)

.             by Flash Cadillac & the Continental Kids

TEAM 1        “Bah-bah...
.             Bah-bah...
.             At the..."

.             “Well, You...
.             You can...
.             At the...
.             When the...
.             You *chalypso*...
.             At the...
.             Do the...
.             That Is..."

.             “Ah, Let's...
.             Let's Go...
.             Let's Go...
.             Let's Go...
.             Come On..."

.             “Well, You...
.             You Can...
.             Where the...
.             And the...
.             All the...
.             Can Get...

.             “Let's Go...
.             Let's Go...
.             Let's Go...
.             Let's Go...
.             Come On...”

(As TEAM 1 ends the song, PAIGE walks across the stage
from stage right to stage left.  Seeing her,
.                                                      25
NATHAN        Barbara, while the sales reps
.             get our mojo on, and get solid,
.             could you go talk to Paige, and
.             see about booking a conference room
.             for later this afternoon?

(BARBARA rushes stage left after PAIGE.)

BARBARA       (calling after)  Paige!

PAIGE         (turning and stopping)
.             How’s the day?

BARBARA       It’s a very nice company to work for.

PAIGE         Isn’t it just everything?!  
.             I’m so obsessed!
.             To the sky and hea - ven!
.             It’s like- shoe-moment!

BARBARA       (trying to go along with the mood)
.             I was going to say before,
.             I - love your – your... shoes.

PAIGE         Aren’t they gorg’.  Don’t you just hate me?
.             (motions to BARBARA’S dress)  And – love!
.             Your dress is fab.  So office shi-shi-shi!

BARBARA       Ahhh, thanks?  So, I need to book
.             a conference room for this afternoon.
.             For – late – afternoon –

PAIGE         ISH?!  Hash-tag-sure-you-can-
.             and-follow-me.

(JOHN looks over at BARBARA, who notices.)

BARBARA       Ahhh, I’ll be right there.

(PAIGE quickly exits stage left.  JOHN suddenly swoops up
to BARBARA, spinning her around and into the lunchroom.)

JOHN          Do you have something to tell me?
.             Come on, remember.  You’re doing
.             all this for me- for us.  So?
.             What’s their plan?

BARBARA       Love?

JOHN          I don’t understand.                      26

BARBARA       That’s all I know.

JOHN          Could we just stick to business?

BARBARA       As usual.  And – I am.
.             (remembers)  Oh, and they’re...
.             (suddenly not sure if she should divulge)

JOHN          Yes?  Barbara, they stole the prospect
.             away from us.

BARBARA       They said it was given-

JOHN          And you’re going to believe that?

BARBARA       They’re meeting with the new prospect
.             this afternoon.

(Without even a thank you, JOHN rushes back to TEAM 2.  
BARBARA slouches in thought, wondering if she did right.
From the lunchroom, BARBARA eavesdrops on TEAM 2.)

JOHN          I’ve got some interesting info!

ANN           I’m losing confidence, John.
.             Don’t do this to me.

HILARY        I thought you said you had someone
.             on the inside.  Have they given you
.             anything we can use to jump ahead
.             of the game?

JOHN          I’m on it.  I’m all over it.
.             It’s in the bag.  The mole came through.
.             She will do anything for me.

(BARBARA puts a hand to her mouth, wondering.)  

ANN           As long as we don’t get caught!
.             She wouldn’t slip up, or wise up,
.             would she?

JOHN          She’s not that smart, but she is loyal.

(BARBARA’s mouth drops.)

STEVEN        Would this be the mystery girl
.             you keep referring to?
.                                                      27
(BARBARA is now feeling a little better.)

JOHN          As far as I’m concerned, there’s
.             only ever been one true love in my life,
.             and that was - Teresa - grade two.

(BARBARA balks angrily.  JOHN feigns being “heartfelt.”)

JOHN          She broke my heart, and ever since then,
.             I haven’t been able to move on.
.             It’s the pain of my soul that now drives me
.             to do what I do.  I can only pretend
.             to commit.  But - my heart now belongs
.             to my work - and my company.

(BARBARA remains in shock as JOHN sings,
with TEAM 2 and/or QUARTET backing him up...)

SONG  8: "THE GREAT PRETENDER" by The Platters

JOHN          “Oh-oh, yes...
.             Pretending that...
.             My need...
.             I'm lonely..."

(BARBARA rolls her eyes.)  

.             “Oh-oh, yes...
.             Adrift in...
.             I've played...
.             You've left..."

.             “Too real...
.             Too real...
.             what my..."

.             “Yes, I'm...
.             Just laughin'...
.             I seem...
.             I'm wearing...
.             Pretending that..."

.             “Too real...
.             Too real...
.             what my..."

.             “Too real...
.             Too real...
.             what my..."
.                                                      28
.             “Yes, I'm...
.             Just laughin'...
.             I seem...
.             I'm wearing...
.             Pretending that...”

(JOHN ends staring out with puppy-dog-eyes.)

HILARY        You’re not lonely!  Pretending, yes.
.             Big fake!  But you have me pretending
.             I don’t care.  Oh wait, I don’t.
.             But it’s your choice.

STEVEN        Wait, I’m confused.  Is he lonely
.             or not?  

HILARY        We’re all the same.  We’re all only
.             ever about the work!

(BARBARA starts to sneak out of the lunchroom and
exit stage left, when STEVEN stands up and announces.)

STEVEN        Whatever.  I need to take a stretch.

(STEVEN turns and nods to BARBARA.)

STEVEN        Hey there!  Barbara, right?
.             So, just tell me if I’m off base-

BARBARA       You’re off base?

STEVEN        Funny.  And quick.  So that means...
.             you’re busy-

(JOHN sees STEVEN talking to BARBARA.)

JOHN          (angrily)  Get away from my girrrr-

STEVEN        Your girl?

JOHN          Noooo!  My grrrr-eat... occupational
.             networking obligation-

HILARY        Are you two going out?

JOHN          Noooo!...  Yes!

BARBARA       Not anymore!

(BARBARA starts to stomp out toward stage left.        29
JOHN grabs her arm to stop her.)

JOHN          Wait!  What are you saying?

BARBARA       What did YOU just say?

(JOHN quickly rushes her back into the lunchroom.)

BARBARA       The true colors come out.
.             Why did I think you might be the one?
.             And even though I know NOTHING
.             about this business,
.             I took this job for you –
.             What do you want from me?

JOHN          I just need you... to keep an eye
.             on Team 1.

BARBARA       You said you needed someone to make sure
.             they weren’t doing crimes against you,
.             and stuff.  You said the people on Team 1
.             were playing dirty.  I was prepared
.             to help and protect you.

JOHN          And you are.  I just need to know
.             what they have planned, in case...
.             they are crossing some sort of line.

BARBARA       And by line – you mean YOUR line?

JOHN          You wouldn’t understand.  This –
.             is big business we’re talking about.

BARBARA       I am not stupid.

JOHN          No-no, of course not.

BARBARA       Hm.

JOHN          What does that mean?

BARBARA       Just, hm.

JOHN          I need to go into that meeting prepared.

BARBARA       Wait – we’re setting up a meeting
.             with them.  We – have set up the meeting.
.             WE – as in Team 1 - got the meeting.
.             You – do not have a meeting with them.
.                                                      30
JOHN          That’s NOT how it works!

(BARBARA strains to think, because she’s still
not sure about this business.)

JOHN          See, you have no understanding.
.             But you should still care about me
.             and my success.  I know you...
.             So you’ll keep giving me info?  Pleeease?
.             I’ve got to know.  This new prospect
.             has the biggest potential we have
.             ever seen.  Unprecedented amounts of money
.             would pour in – if we got this account.
.             And if I won it – with my own name on it –
.             so much closer to realizing dreams.
.             Hear what I’m saying?  But –
.             after meeting with them once before –
.             this prospect accused us of being STUFFY!?
.             That we - were unable to
.             THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!?  So, I just want
.             to GO in there with the right strategy.

(BARBARA thinks briefly, squinting her eyes.)

BARBARA       I don’t want to play this game anymore.

JOHN          Do not leave!

BARBARA       I’m leaving.

(As BARBARA leaves the lunchroom, NATHAN finds her.)

NATHAN        Oh, there you are, Barbara.
.             Did you get that conference room yet?
.             We’re really counting on you.

(BARBARA nods dutifully and decisively.)

BARBARA       I’m on my way.

(As NATHAN goes back to TEAM 1’s table,
JOHN holds BARBARA back again.)

JOHN          So you’re staying?!

BARBARA       Not for you.  I am staying –
.             for Team 1.

(ANN signals to BARBARA, snapping her fingers.)
.                                                      31
ANN           Excuse me-

EXEC.ASISST.  Barbara McArthur.

ANN           While you’re going out - coffee!

(BARBARA furrows her brows, then exits stage left
shaking her head.  JOHN stomps back to TEAM 2 to mope.
QUARTET enters at stage right to sing...)

SONG  9: "SINCE I DON’T HAVE YOU" by The Skyliners

QUARTET       “I don't...
.             And I...
.             I-I-I don't...
.             Since I..."

.             “I don't...
.             And I...
.             I-I-I don't...
.             Since I..."

.             “I don't...
.             I never...
.             When you...
.             In walked...
.             And he's..."

.             “I don't...
.             And I...
.             I-I-I don't...
.             Since--I...
.             You, you...
.             You, you...
.             You, you...
.             (Yo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ou)”

(BARBARA enters with a coffee-to-go and quickly
sets it in front of ANN.)

ANN           You got it exactly right!
.             I’m impressed that you actually
.             remembered!

BARBARA       Oh no, I actually just – ah –
.             described who you were to the coffee peops.

ANN           Don’t tell me that.
.             Now I’m not impressed anymore.
.                                                      32
(BARBARA shrugs.)

ANN           Don’t I make you nervous anymore?

BARBARA       I guess not.

(BARBARA returns to TEAM 1’s side.  ANN pounds the table
and addresses TEAM 2.)

ANN           What is happening here?  Is the magic gone?
.             The magic’s still there!  Right?
.             Who’s with me in this?

HILARY        We are right here for you.

ANN           Are you?  Are you really?

ANN gets up to sing, with TEAM 2 and/or QUARTET
as backup.)

SONG 10: “SUPERSTITION” by Stevie Wonder

ANN           “Very superstitious,
.             writings on...
.             Very superstitious,
.             ladders bout'...
.             Thirteen month...
.             broke the...
.             Seven years...
.             the good..."

QUARTET       “When you...
.             that you...
.             Then you...
.             Superstition ain't..."

ANN           “Very superstitious,
.             wash your...
.             Rid me...
.             Keep me...
.             keep me...
.             You don't...
.             sad is..."

QUARTET       “When you...
.             that you...
.             Then you...
.             Superstition ain't..."
.                                                      33
ANN           “Very superstitious,
.             nothin' more...
.             Very superstitious,
.             the devil's...
.             Thirteen month...
.             broke the...
.             Seven years...
.             good things..."

QUARTET       “When you...
.             that you...
.             Then you...
.             Superstition ain't...”

(ANN looks around at TEAM 2.)


ANN           Well, who’s with me?

HILARY        We’ve always been with you.

ANN           Who’s for me?

JOHN          We are all – for – the success
.             of this project – meaning
.             it’s all for you – and the team.

HILARY        Diplomatic!

(JOHN and HILARY coolly do a one-handed high-five.)

ANN           Let’s just do this.

(TEAM 2 goes deep into their strategy planning.
BARBARA has gone to TEAM 1’s table and sat down,
suddenly overwhelmed with the sadness of betrayal.
The rest of TEAM 1 stares off into space,
balancing pens between their nose and lips,
twiddling thumbs, drumming fingers...  
Until JAM notices BARBARA’S sad disposition.)

JAM           I hope that you’re doing all right.
.             I remember being very new here,
.             and feeling very out of place.

(JAM’S accent is so think, BARBARA shakes her head,
not understanding.)

BARBARA       Where- where are you from?               34

JAM           California.

BARBARA       California?  (ironically)  Nice.

NATHAN        Barbara, it’s so thick in here.
.             I mean, it’s insanely thick.
.             You’re bringing us all down.  What’s up?
.             What’s going down?  What’s wrong?

BARBARA       I feel so worthless.  like –
.             I know nothing.

NATHAN        What do you need to know?

(BARBARA gets up to sing with TEAM 1 and/or QUARTET.)

.             by Frankie Lymon & the Teenagers

QUARTET       “Ooooo wah...
.             ooooo wah...
.             ooooo wah...
.             Why do..."

BARBARA       “Why do...
.             And lovers...
.             Why do...
.             Why does...
.             Why do...
.             Why do..."

.             “Love is...
.             Love can...
.             know of...
.             For that...
.             Tell me..."

.             “Why do...
.             And lovers...
.             Why do...
.             Why does...
.             Why do...
.             Why do..."

.             “Why does...
.             For I...
.             Tell me...
.             Why do..."
.                                                      35
(SONG ends, and BARBARA looks to TEAM 1 for the answers.)

NATHAN        I don’t know.  Ask an easier question.

JAM           Such a sorry little bag of tears.
.             I could get you a nice hot cup of tea
.             and a wedgy of lemon?

BARBARA       I think... no? – thank you?
.             I just need to find something
.             that I’m good at.

JAM           Perhaps you are not just a one way monkey.

CHUCK         I think he meant - one trick pony.

BARBARA       I don’t even know if I’m good at doing
.             one thing.  I’m such a stupid loser.

NATHAN        Don’t say that, man.  No one’s a loser.
.             And EVERYBODY’s good at – something.

(NATHAN spreads his hands waiting for BARBARA to offer up
something, but she just attempts to hold her tears back.
CHUCK, JAM and HIJO talk quietly amongst themselves.)

CHUCK         So do you think this A – D - M – I – N
.             is going to stick around?

JAM           It would be N – I – C – E.

HIJO          As long as she’s not S – C – A – R – E – D.

BARBARA       I can spell!

CHUCK         Sorry.  It’s just that we’ve lost
.             so many administrative assistants
.             in the past few years because they keep
.             going over to work for Team 2.

BARBARA       Well – whatever I am - I’m Team 1 –
.             all the way.  As long as I’m still here!

NATHAN        Why would you not be here?

BARBARA       Let’s just be honest, I’m quite sure
.             I’m not the best admin. assist.
.             you’ve ever had.

NATHAN        Well... it has only been one day.        36

CHUCK         Right.  You still haven’t had a chance
.             to jam up the photocopier yet.

HIJO          Or crash your computer.

JAM           Or set the coffee machine to overflowing
.             in extreme abundance.

NATHAN        That’s right.  And in this company,
.             there are many opportunities to move up.

BARBARA       I still don’t know if I’m good
.             at anything, but – I guess –
.             I’m willing to give it a shot!

CHUCK         So we’re ready to do this!
.             Let’s show that prospect some – love!

NATHAN        (very excited)  That settles it!
.             This can only mean one thing! And I still-
.             (very sadly)  have no idea what that is.

(BARBARA suddenly remembers something.)

BARBARA       Wait!  Team 2 already had a chance to meet
.             with this prospect – and they failed.
.             John, over there, just told me...
.             the prospect said that
.             Team 2 was too stuffy, and
.             they could not think outside the box.

CHUCK         Well, this prospect is a company that
.             creates really cool computer games.

BARBARA       Wait a minute.  I know about this stuff!
.             They just came out with a new box set
.             where rats have to escape the maze...
.             I have it!  I have an idea.
.             But first, just to be clear -
.             How does it work?  Do both teams
.             get a chance to pitch their deal?

NATHAN        No.  Team 2 had their chance.
.             After they blew it, upper management
.             gave us the prospect.

BARBARA       I have a sneaking suspicion that Team 2
.             is going to try to steal this away from us.
.                                                      37
CHUCK         We have to stop them.

JAM           Ten years experience under my sleeve,
.             and John makes me run for my money!?
.             And I say, no!  I am stuck to my guns!

BARBARA       Right? (realizes there’s no time to wonder)
.             Okay!  So, we need to get started
.             on this idea right away.

NATHAN        (firmly)  Barbara!  I’m going to put you
.             in charge of that.

(BARBARA heads to stage left exit and runs into PAIGE.)

BARBARA       Paige!  Just the woman I need to see.
.             I need your help.

PAIGE         I’m so over it!  Cannot be more excited.

BARBARA       We’re going to need-

(BARBARA notices that JOHN is trying to listen in.
BARBARA whispers into PAIGE’S ear.)

PAIGE         Shut up!

BARBARA       Quickly, though.

PAIGE         Ish, right?

BARBARA       I don’t think so.  No!  No – ish –
.             like – quick.  Real quick!
.             I know you’re good for that.

PAIGE         Get out of here!  You’re the maj’est!

BARBARA       So I can count on you?

PAIGE         Tote!  It’s beyond maj’.
.             I’m serious, it’s so cray-cray shi-shi –
.             I just can’t deal!

BARBARA       So... we’ll see you soon, then?

PAIGE         Def!  Hash-tag-delish-things-you-can-wear!

BARBARA       Okay then.

(BARBARA returns to TEAM 1.)                           38

NATHAN        So she’s on it?

BARBARA       Even when she says complete words...
.             I’m not so sure.

NATHAN        Now, let’s get to brainstorming
.             the pitch, itself.

(TEAM 1 huddles together.  JOHN gets back with TEAM 2.)

JOHN          Okay, it’s time to regroup.
.             They seem to be on to something.

HILARY        But what’s our plan?

JOHN          (fishing for something)  What’s my name?

HILARY        John.

JOHN          What’s my real name?

STEVEN        Johnny!

JOHN          So what are we going to do?

STEVEN        Go-oooh for it???

JOHN          We are – just going to – GO FOR IT!

(TEAM 2 jumps to the floor to sing.)

SONG 12: "JOHNNY B. GOODE" by Chuck Berry

JOHN          “Deep down...
.             close to...
.             Way back...
.             among the...
.             There stood...
.             made of...
.             Where lived...
.             named of...
.             Who never...
.             to read...
.             But he...
.             like ringing..."

TEAM 2        “Go Go...
.             Go Go..."
.                                                      39
JOHN          “He use...
.             in a...
.             Or sit...
.             by the...
.             Oh, the...
.             used to...
.             Strumming with...
.             that the...
.             The People...
.             they would...
.             Oh my..."

TEAM 2        “Go Go...
.             Go Go..."

JOHN          “His mother...
.             you will...
.             And you...
.             of a...
.             Many people...
.             To hear...
.             when the...
.             Maybe someday...
.             Saying Johnny..."

TEAM 2        “Go Go...
.             Go Go...”

(BARBARA looks over as TEAM 2 high-fives each other
and the guys chest-bump and fist pump.  
BARBARA talks fast to TEAM 1.)

BARBARA       We need another plan.

NATHAN        What’s wrong with this plan?

BARBARA       Nothing.  We just need yet another plan.
.             Team 2 over there is getting ready
.             to intercept.  I need to figure out a way
.             to distract and delay them.

JAM           Intercept the interception?

BARBARA       Exactly!
.             (thinking, realizing, clenching fists)
.             I’m going to have to act - as a decoy.

(TEAM 2 finishes their pep rally.  
JOHN grabs some papers.)
.                                                      40
JOHN          And that is how it’ll be played out.
.             EXCEPT - with a lot of very intense and
.             aggressively professional A-type attitudes.

(JOHN sees BARBARA approaching.)

JOHN          I told you she’d come back around.

HILARY        You did not.

JOHN          I was thinking it!

(BARBARA braces herself and walks over to TEAM 2, who
crowd around her and listen with professional intensity.)

BARBARA       So, I’ve been giving things a lot
.             of thought.  And I’ve realized
.             that I’ve gained a lot of insight
.             which will enhance efforts
.             going forward in order to figure out
.             what is needed to progress in this
.             crazy rat race called business.

JOHN          Are you going to tell us their plans,
.             or not?

BARBARA       It will require a lot of finesse
.             which you still do not have.
.             I just saw your display of frenzy.
.             So you’re going to have to definitely
.             reconsider your strategy, and
.             contemplate the potential outcome,
.             because if you don’t get it right,
.             it’s not going to go well.

JOHN          You’re stalling.

BARBARA       I- I have been very disappointed.
.             And – very sad.

STEVEN        Dude, you’re right,
.             she’s not over you yet.

JOHN          You want to un-break-up with me?

BARBARA       I knew I could do better.
.             And so I’ve moved on.

JOHN          You found someone else already?
.                                                      41
BARBARA       No, not going to rush into anything
.             on the dating-front.  I just realized
.             that I need to get focused on the stuff
.             that’s really important.

JOHN          I saw you crying over there.
.             Do not deny it.

(BARBARA steps out to sing, with QUARTET as backup.)

.             by Sonny Till & the Orioles

BARBARA       “You saw me crying in the chapel.
.             The tears I shed were tears of joy
.             I know the meaning of contentment
.             Now I am happy with the Lord

.             “Just a plain and simple chapel
.             Where humble people go to pray
.             I pray the Lord that I'll grow stronger
.             As I live from day to day

(While singing, BARBARA sees PAIGE signaling
at the entrance that she has the T-shirts in her arms.
while singing this next segment, BARBARA subtly nods,
then grabs the notes out of JOHN’S hands and hugs them,
moving around TEAM 2’s table, so TEAM 2 has to turn their
backs on PAIGE.  JOHN keeps trying to get his notes back.  
PAIGE then rushes over to TEAM 1, and tosses a T-shirt
at each MAN, then motions for them to go quickly to the
conference rooms stage left.  BARBARA continues singing.)

BARBARA       “I've searched
.             and I've...
.             But I...
.             No way...
.             To gain..."

.             “Now I'm...
.             Where people...
.             We gather...
.             Just to..."

.             “Ev'ry sinner...
.             That will...
.             There is...
.             He must..."

,             “Meet your...                            42
.             Join with...
.             You'll know...
.             Then you'll..."

.             “You'll search...
.             But you'll...
.             No way...
.             To gain..."

.             “Take your...
.             Get down...
.             Your burdens...
.             And you'll...”

(BARBARA ends with a solemn nod.  JOHN spreads
his hands out, wondering what that was all about.)

JOHN          I’ve heard you talk like that before.

BARBARA       Well, this time it’s real.
.             And we are done – over and out.
.             I just thought you should know that.

CHUCK         (looks at TEAM 1’s side) Hey, they’re gone!

JOHN          What?  (grabs notes away from BARBARA)

BARBARA       Is something wrong?

JOHN          You did that on purpose.

BARBARA       You know what you were planning -
.             was wrong.  So I actually helped you.

JOHN          I don’t want that kind of help.
.             I want to reach the top –
.             any way I can.  I am an A-type personality!

BARBARA       Being A-type, does not mean you have to be
.             a conniving bully!  One day all of that
.             will catch up to you.

(Now wearing the T-shirts, TEAM 1 enters cheering.)

NATHAN        We got the deal!  We won the deal!

(JOHN stops JAM to study the T-shirt.)

JOHN          Looking like THAT?
.                                                      43
BARBARA       Well, it’s NOT stuffy.  And it was-
.             thinking outside the box.

JOHN          I told you that stuff.

BARBARA       You had the information all along.

NATHAN        The prospect – ah – the CLIENT –
.             said that we were insanely flexible,
.             and could adapt to their working culture.
.             Score!

(TEAM 2 sits at their table to mope.  
TEAM 1 goes back to theirs with newfound energy.)

BARBARA       Wish I could have been in there
.             instead of putting up with John.

NATHAN        Look, I’ve been watching you,
.             and I know you could do way better.

BARBARA       You think?  (admitting)  Eh, it’s not like
.             I’ve never been told that before.

NATHAN        Isn’t that saying something?

BARBARA       Yes.  I’m starting to see it.

NATHAN        Great.  So, did you want to sign up
.             for some evening courses?

BARBARA       Why, to get my mind off of things?
.             Or is this a new way to meet people?

NATHAN        Networking, for sure, man.
.             And I guess, get your mind
.             off of being an admin. assist.
.             and become a marketing consultant.
.             I think you show real talent.

BARBARA       Oh! You’re talking about a career. Yeah,
.             I think I did have some good ideas there.

NATHAN        Barbara – we could not have done it
.             without you!

BARBARA       Okay.  Sure!  I’m going to take some
.             evening courses and become a marketing
.             consultant.  I could probably do it, too.
.                                                      44
NATHAN        Of course you can.  And with us
.             supporting you all the way –
.             you’re going to LOVE your job.

BARBARA       And in the future, I’m also going
.             to do better in the dating-department.

NATHAN        Okay then!  Not that it’s any of our
.             business, but – if you want –
.             we’ll be there for you through that too.

TEAM 1 goes into the feel-good song for BARBARA,
with QUARTET as backup.)


TEAM 1        “Now if...
QUARTET       (can't go...)
TEAM 1        Because all...
QUARTET       (all your...)
TEAM 1        And your...
.             with much...
QUARTET       (much confusion)
TEAM 1        Until happiness...
QUARTET       (happiness is...)
TEAM 1        And your...
.             is crumbling..."

QUARTET       “(Reach out)
TEAM 1        Come on...
.             (Reach out)
.             Reach out...
.             Hah, I'll...
.             that will...
.             I'll be...
.             that will..."

TEAM 1        “When you...
QUARTET       (to give...)
TEAM 1        'Cause your...
QUARTET       (just ain't...)
TEAM 1        And your...
QUARTET       (has grown...)
TEAM 1        And your...
QUARTET       (drifting out...)
TEAM 1        And you..."

QUARTET       “(Reach out)                             45
TEAM 1        Come on...
.             (Reach out)
.             Reach out...
.             Hah, I'll...
.             And I'll...
.             to cherish..."

QUARTET       “(I'll be...)
.              (I'll be...)"

TEAM 1        “I can...
QUARTET       (hang your...)
TEAM 1        You're not...
QUARTET       (you're...)
TEAM 1        And through...
QUARTET       (look around)
TEAM 1        But there's...
QUARTET       (no peace...)
TEAM 1        I know...
.             You're a...
.             no love..."

QUARTET       “(Reach out)
TEAM 1        Come on...
.             Reach out...
.             I'll be...
.             to give...
.             And I'll...
.             you can...
.             I'll be...”

(ANN and EXEC.ASSIST. swoop in and up to moping TEAM 2.)

ANN           You-


ANN           -you didn’t snag the deal?

JOHN          I don’t know what to say.

ANN           Because of you, I don’t get my promotion.
.             And because I don’t get my promotion,
.             you’re not getting yours.
.             Where is that new admin?  Hey-

(ANN approaches BARBARA.  JOHN follows behind.)

EXEC.ASSIST.  Barbara McArthur.
.                                                      46
ANN           I’m looking to hire an admin. assist.

(EXEC. ASSIST. glowers at ANN.)

ANN           (curtly)  Sorry!  ANOTHER admin. assist.

BARBARA       I’m actually going to take courses
.             to become a marketing consultant.
.             For Team 1.

JOHN          (sarcastically)  Hey, well, good for you.
.             I knew you could do it.

BARBARA       I can do without your methods
.             of encouragement.  And moving forward,
.             just know – that I’m watching you.

ANN           (turns slowly to JOHN with disappointment)
.             Ahhhhhhh-

EXEC.ASSIST.  (sadly now)  Johnny-Johnny-Johnny-

ANN           What are we going to do?

(ANN walks away with JOHN following meekly behind.
BARBARA addresses EXEC. ASSIST. before she leaves.)

BARBARA       (leans toward EXEC.ASSIST.)  Is that
.             all you do, just say names for her?

EXEC.ASSIST   (shrugs a helpless ‘whatever’)
.             What can I say – I’m good with names.
.             Good night!  And good luck.

NATHAN        (to BARB)  Who needs that?
.             You’ve got something way better.

(QUARTET sings as TEAM 1 and TEAM 2 clean up
their laptops and briefcases and exit for the night.)


QUARTET       “Goodnight, sweetheart,
.             well, it's...
.             Goodnight, sweetheart,
.             well, it's...
.             I hate...
.             Oh, Goodnight..."

.             “Goodnight, sweetheart,                  47
.             well, it's...
.             Goodnight, sweetheart,
.             well, it's...
.             I hate...
.             Oh, Goodnight..."

.             “Well, it's...
.             Baby, I...
.             Well, I...
.             Don't mean..."

.             “Goodnight, sweetheart,
.             well, it's...
.             Goodnight, sweetheart,
.             well, it's...
.             I hate...
.             Oh, Goodnight..."

.             “Mother oh...
.             Might hear...
.             One kiss...
.             And I'd...
.             You know..."

.             “Goodnight, sweetheart,
.             well, it's...
.             Goodnight, sweetheart,
.             well, it's...
.             I hate...
.             Oh. Goodnight...”

(QUARTET exits.)