.          all rights belong to Tanis Harms, © 2015
.            refer to

AFTER THE HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER - written by Tanis Harms

(Ideal for dinner theater.  Actors can be the waiters,
and create bios to stay in character the entire time.
EXAMPLE PROGRAM: main course, ACT 1, dessert, ACT 2)
Except in heaven, “happily-ever-after” does not exist.
Life after their ordeals, three famous princesses neglect
and refuse to forgive their nemeses.  Bitterness slowly
creeps into their hearts and lives, and they discover
that they are becoming the very things that they hate.
Meanwhile, the villains of the area have all been
attending a support group to give up their “bad ways”.
The entire land is in dire need of a kindness revival!
STYLE:       comedy (option: musical)
SCRIPTURE:   Ephesians 4:31-32

.            $30.00 USD to receive a DIRECTOR’S PACKAGE
.                                    (plus sheet music)
how you receive this & package description


MUSIC 1:  “morning song” with maybe birds chirping

NARRATOR  (from offstage, or enters with storybook)
.         Wait!  Wait, not yet!  (MUSIC stops abruptly.)
.         (clears throat then reads softly)  “Once upon
.         a time, in a land far, far away” – very far –
.         because this is a work of fiction, although,
.         it is probably closer to the truth than one
.         would like to think.  Anyway, “In this very far
.         away land, there lived a princess.”  Actually,
.         there were a lot of them.  With a prince
.         for every princess.  “And they ALL were married
.         and were in the process of living happily
.         ever after.”  Although, for some, it was not
.         as happy as for some others, which would leave
.         one to ask, “Why?  What sinister thing
.         was happening in the kingdom?”...
.         So with a HUGE ado...  (in a low serious voice)
.         THESE are their stories!  Ca-CHUNG!
.                                                       2
(NARRATOR makes the “Law & Order” noise, then exits.
After a moment of silence, NARRATOR can be heard.)

NARRATOR  (offstage)  Okaaay, NOW the music.

MUSIC 2:  “morning song” with maybe birds chirping

.                        STAGE LEFT

(SNOW WHITE steps out and stretches luxuriously.
Slowly picking up the hand mirror, she touches up
her hair, then studies her face.  Liking what she sees,
she smiles.  But - discovering a wrinkle -  she gasps.
Horrified, she takes a closer look and freezes in place.
PRINCE 1 steps out behind her.  He puts his hands
on her shoulders and puts his cheek against hers.)

P1/snow   Good morning, Snow White, my darling.
.         You gasped?  Does my dashingness overwhelm you?

SNOW      I – I found – another - wrinkle!

(PRINCE 1 studies SNOW WHITE’s face closely as she slowly
winces out a smile and points to her cheek.)

P1/snow   Wheeeere?... Why, those aren’t wrinkles.  Those
.         are laugh-lines, and - they - are – beautiful.

SNOW      You KNOW these wrinkles are from
.         what that wicked Queen did to me!
P1/snow   (sarcastically)  Noooooo!  Remind me again?

SNOW      The poison in that apple didn’t just put me
.         into a deathly sleep.  Who knows WHAT else
.         it did to my body.  There hasn’t been enough
.         in-depth research into all possible
.         side effects.  It could still be slowly
.         eating away at me right now – even as we speak.

P1/snow   This again?  When will you just let it go?

SNOW      How can I let it go?  What the Queen did to me
.         was just – unforgivable.  Completely
.         villainous!  I can never forgive her for that.
.         Never!
.                                                       3
P1/snow   Hey, I’m going through my own mid-life
.         crises, here.

(PRINCE 1 reaches over SNOW WHITE’S shoulder to tilt the
mirror so he can seem himself, goes to touch his hair.)

P1/snow   (shrugs)  Aaaand, I’m good.
.         (tilts his head at SNOW WHITE’s gasps)
.         Aw, my dearest Snow White, in MY fairytale
.         book, you are STILL the fairest of them all.

(SNOW WHITE winces out a fake smile as PRINCE 1 pecks her
on the cheek.)

P1/snow   And I’m off.  I’ve - got a kingdom to run.
.         TRY to have a good day then, my dear.

SNOW      Will you be home in time for supper today?

P1/snow   I’ll try.  Can’t make any promises.
.         You know how it is.  (P1 leaves)

(SNOW WHITE shakes her head, then goes back to the
comfort of the mirror.  Maybe if she looks long and hard
enough, she’ll start to look younger.  She tries smiling
again, then grits her teeth in anger.  Finally,
standing up straight and tall, SNOW WHITE speaks out
with great conviction.)

SNOW      Mirror-mirror in my hand,
.         WHO is the fairest in the land?

(SNOW WHITE shows surprise when a light from the mirror
actually shines onto her face)

MIRROR    (NARRATOR’S voice)  Well, it used to be
.         JUST you, but now we have:  Cinderella –

SNOW      (unsure)  Oookay.

MIRROR    Sleeping Beauty –

SNOW      (a little perturbed)  Really?

MIRROR    Repunzel –

SNOW      Are you quite done yet?                       4

MIRROR    The 12 dancing princesses –

SNOW      Be quiet already?!

MIRROR    But the fairest of them ALL is Belle –

SNOW      (puts the mirror down quickly, stewing)
.         What?  Belle!  Really?!  She’s at LEAST my age!
.         (fixes hair, stewing in anxious contemplation)
.         Fairer than me! Belle!  Something must be done!

.                      CENTER BACK

(PRINCE 2 reads a scroll as SLEEPING BEAUTY enters,
yawning, stretching and scratching.)

P2/charm  Good morning, my Sleeping Beauty!

(PRINCE 2 stands to kiss her, but SLEEPING BEAUTY
turns her head away and puts a hand out to stop him.)

SLEEPING  NOT - before my morning coffee.

(PRINCE 2 quickly pours her a cup and holds it out,
patiently waiting as she slumps into a chair first.)

P2/charm  (trying to joke)  You really don’t need
.         MORE sleep?  You’d think after a 100 years
.         of uninterrupted sleep, you’d be good to go –

SLEEPING  (groaning)  Please don’t start with me!

P2/charm  It’s just that, I-I worry when you –

SLEEPING  (going gangster)  Are you starting with me?!

P2/charm  Sleeping Beauty, it’s just not healthy –

SLEEPING  Do you seriously want to start with me?!

(SLEEPING BEAUTY chug-a-lugs, then holds out the cup.
Smiling anew, PRINCE 2 pours more coffee for her.)

P2/charm  So what have you planned for this fine
.         morn–afternoon?
.                                                       5
SLEEPING  Just the usual - tea with the girls.

P2/charm  Well that sounds delightful.

SLEEPING  (groaning)  Ugh - could you take that charming
.         elsewhere?  You KNOW I’m not a morning person.

P2/charm  Well, I hope you have a wonderful –
.         morn-ah-DAY- I wish you the very best, dear.

SLEEPING  Do you?  Do you really?  Whatever.  It’s
.         always the same stuff.  NOTHING ever changes.

P2/charm  (hopefully)  Well, why don’t you get a job
.         then?  Remember, your idea for a shoe store?
.         What was it again?  “Miniature Man”–footwear
.         for leprechauns and elves?

SLEEPING  The market’s too saturated.
.         That old couple beat me to it.

P2/charm  Well, what about your clothing store idea
.         for the little fairies? - “Pixie Petites”?
.         (SLEEPING groans and curls up in her chair.)
.         Of course, what was I thinking?
.         That would take energy-Sorry!  Why don’t you
.         ask Snow White to help you with that?
.         She got that jewelry store up and running.

SLEEPING  Ohhh Snow White-Snow White.  She’s not
.         all that, you know!  Except for Grumpy,
.         the dwarves are all whistling and willing
.         to do everything for her.

P2/charm  Okay, so don’t work.  Take lessons in –
.         whistling- or how about humming lessons
.         from Cinderella!

SLEEPING  Am I THAT broken?  You keep trying to fix me.

P2/charm  Ahhh- I’m going to go now-  See you later.
.         And have a lovely day, sweetness.

(PRINCE 2 leaves and SLEEPING BEAUTY curls up.)

SLEEPING  Ugh!  What’s the point in trying?
.                                                       6
.                        STAGE RIGHT

(CINDERELLA begins to sneak out through the garden way,
as PRINCE 3 calls out for her off stage.)

P3/cind   (voice calling)  CINDERELLA!

(CINDERELLA stops cold, cringing in terror.  
PRINCE 3 rushes on, still calling.)


CINDER    (tersely)  I really wish you wouldn’t call me
.         like that!  You KNOW how it bothers me.

P3/cind   But - it’s - your name.

CINDER    (trying to hold back her sobs)
.         No-no – it’s - it’s the WAY you say it.

P3/cind   Are you going to cry again?

CINDER    Nooooo!  (trying to compose herself)
.         It just sounds so – harsh.  It’s like - you –
.         are getting ready to - order me about.

P3/cind   When do I ever order you about?  I JUST wanted
.         to wish you a good day before you hurried off.

CINDER    But when you SAY it THAT way – CINDERELLA! –
.         it brings back all those bad memories.
.         CINDERELLA do this!–CINDERELLA do that!

P3/cind   Ugh!  Well I’m not THEM, am I?  I’m not your –
.         STEP-husband.  There is nothing STEP about me!
.         You can’t keep blaming everything on your past.
.         Your stepmother and stepsisters are NOT the
.         cause of all that is wrong in the world today.

CINDER    WHY can’t you understand?  All I’m asking
.         is that you show some understanding?

P3/cind   It’s been - 20 years.

CINDER    (sobbing)  And – it – still – hurts.
.         And you STILL don’t - get it.
.                                                       7
P3/cind   And if it’s not THEIR fault,
.         you always manage to turn it around
.         so it’s MY fault.

CINDER    So it’s all MY fault then.  I’m so – sorry -
.         for being – so - overly sensitive.

P3/cind   And then there’s that.  Ugh - okay,
.         I’ll try NOT to use your name EVER again.

CINDER    (sobbing)  Now I must look so pathetic.

P3/CIND   Okay... (trying nicely)  Cinderella.
.         (CINDERELLA bursts into tears again.)
.         So I’ll keep working on that, then!

(PRINCE 3 marches off.  CINDERELLA is so angry and wants
to laugh and cry all at the same time.  Pacing, she tries
to compose herself.)

CINDER    I know I’m not perfect, but at least I’m not –
.         THEM.  At least I’m NOT a villain!
.         But why must I be the oh-so-helpless victim?

.         (song is optional)

CINDER    (singing)  How can my prince
.         Be so uncompassionate?
.         Be so unkind?  Be so unkind?
.         It’s like he is - Exactly like my stepfamily,
.         So unkind, so unkind.
SLEEPING  (singing)  How can my prince
.         Be so oblivious of me?
.         My suffering nights, and my days?
.         He may not care, - or even be aware of that
.         It’s how I feel,
.         it’s not a phase
SNOW      (singing)  How can my prince,
.         Not see the wrinkles on my face?
.         They are right here, and right here.
.         Not anymore, - I’m not the fairest in the land,
.         It’s my greatest, biggest fear.
ALL 3     It’s the worst, that I fear,
.         My dear prince... does not care.

.                       ENTIRE STAGE                    8

(PRINCESSES’ sets are hidden/changed around.  
VILLAINS help as they enter from all directions
and move to the center stage.  WENDY has a handful
of flyers.  She gives bunches to both VILLAIN 1 & 2.
It looks like they are up to something diabolical.
WENDY holds up the rest of the flyers and calls out.)

.         (WENDY must sing this, with
.          EXTRAS singing the echo on second verse,
.          or WENDY can just speak the lines.)

WENDY     (singing or speaking first verse)
.         Calling out – the villains!
.         Attention – all villains!
.         Get the word out – it’s crucial!
.         Come to this – most important meeting!
.         (singing or speaking second verse)
.         Attention – all villains!
.         You all know – who you are!
.         Make sure you come – it’s tonight –
.         We have plans – to help ease your plight!
.         (now talking)
.         Send the word out.  You’ll know
.         to whom you should give these.

(STARLIGHT rushes on and up to VILLAIN 1.)

STAR      What’s this about?!

(VILLAIN 1 hands STARLIGHT a flyer who glances at it,
then marches up to WENDY.)

STAR      Are you serious?!

WENDY     Very.  And if YOU’RE serious,
.         you’ll be there.

STAR      Why should I trust you?

WENDY     You KNOW my reputation!

(STARLIGHT gives WENDY a suspicious up and down glare
then marches off.)

([EX-]QUEEN walks across the stage with a regal         9
intensity.  VILLAIN 2 hands a flyer to her.
QUEEN stops to study it, then slowly looks over at WENDY
and slowly gives a knowing nod before walking off.
STEPMOTHER and STEPSISTERS wander onto the stage
and stop to bicker with each other at STAGE LEFT.
WENDY points to the group and snaps her fingers.
VILLAIN 1 rushes over to give each a flyer.)

STEPMOM   (reads flyer, looks up, insulted)
.         Are you mad?!  We are not villains.
.         (WENDY fixes a steady stare at STEPMOM)
.         You really expect us to take part in this?!

(WENDY nods slowly and sternly.)

STEPS 1   Well, I’m NOT a villain–I am NOT a villain.

STEPS 2   Oh yes you ARE!

STEPS 1   Am not!

STEPS 2   Oh, you are SOOOO too a villain.  BOTH of you!

STEPS 1   So are YOU!

STEPMOM   (hissing)  We’ll discuss this at home. Come on!
.         Maybe we DO need to be at this meeting!

STEPS 1   Ever since you lost your step-daughter,
.         you’ve been picking on us!

STEPS 2   You’re so right!  Something has to change!

(STEPMOTHER & SISTERS march off.  HUNTER walks by.
VILLAIN 2 hands him a flyer.  He studies it as
ALL exit STAGE LEFT.  CENTER STAGE is set with 3 chairs,
and tiny table with a fruit bowl at the center.
An apple sits at the top.)

.                       CENTER BACK

(Sitting at the table, CINDERELLA taps her fingers,
waiting.  SLEEPING BEAUTY nods off while holding a teacup
which is just about to spill when SNOW WHITE strolls in.)

CINDER    (perking up)  You’re late!
.                                                      10
(SLEEPING BEAUTY jolts awake and stabilizes her tea, then
nods off again.  SNOW WHITE waves off SLEEPING BEAUTY.)

SNOW      Problems at the factory!
.         (sees apple)  What is this?! Some cruel joke?!

(SNOW WHITE grabs and throws the apple across stage.
SLEEPING BEAUTY is startled again.  CINDERELLA ducks.)

CINDER    Chill, Snow White.  It’s just an apple.

(SLEEPING BEAUTY tries to shake herself awake now.
SNOW WHITE slowly sits down and pours herself some tea.)

SNOW      So what’s new?  What did I miss?

CINDER    (rolls her eyes)  Not much.

SLEEPING  Hey!  Maybe I’d stay awake if someone would
.         say something interesting for a change.

CINDER    Didn’t sleep again?  Maybe your prince tried
.         the princess and the pea test?

SLEEPING  Oh! He only tried that once!  Except we had run
.         out of peas - so he put a small kernel of corn
.         under the mattress instead.  I did not sleep
.         a wink that night.  I was so furious with him.
.         He’d never DARE try that again.

SNOW      (to CINDER)  I guess YOUR prince would never
.         try that on you since you were never born
.         a princess.

CINDER    I STILL passed the test.  So I AM a princess –
.         at heart - thank you very much!  Still,
.         it hurts to think that your own prince
.         would have doubts.

SLEEPING  Once a princess – ALWAYS a princess!

SNOW      My stepmother was a QUEEN, but she was banished
.         after what she did to me.  So, I suppose
.         the way you’ve both been acting, it’s not
.         any surprise that your princes have doubts –

(As CINDERELLA and SLEEPING gasp at the insult,        11
SNOW WHITE lightly waves and changes the subject.)

SNOW      Whatever!  NOW! - if you could have ANYthing
.         your heart desired – WHAT would that be?

CINDER    This again?  We play this game every time.

SLEEPING  (thinking)  Ahhhh... Well, besides wanting
.         more energy, I want kids... I think.
.         (JACK 1 runs in and sticks a plum in her face)
.         Who- Whaaaat’s this?

JACK 1    I’m Jack.  Look! I pulled out a plum!

SLEEPING  Should you be playing with your food?

JACK 2    (enters and sets a candle on the floor)
.         I’m Jack.  Look what I can do.

SLEEPING  Oh!  Watch out.  You shouldn't be doing that!

JACK 2    I can do it again!


(JACK 2 jumps again, and JACK 3 enters carrying a pail.)

SLEEPING  Let me guess, Jack?

JACK 3    Has anyone seen Jill?


(LITTLE MISS MUFFET runs across the stage screaming.)

JACK 3    That’s just little Miss Muffet.

JACK 2    Probably saw another spider.

SLEEPING  I don’t want kids anymore.

JILL      (skips in carrying a pail and stops)
.         Hey guys, you should see what Humpty Dumpty
.         is doing NOW!

SLEEPING  When will this END?  Please make it stop.
.                                                      12
CINDER    Okay, kids, you should go now.  You should go
.         see that.  Go see Humpty.  Go on, follow her.

(JACK 3 exits, but JACK 1 keeps picking at his pie,
and JACK 2 keeps jumping over the candle.)

SNOW      Why don’t you go-look for a gingerbread house?

CINDER    (gasping)  Snow White!  How simply awful!

SLEEPING  (to CHILDREN)  Nooo, children! You must
.         NEVER eat gingerbread houses that belong
.         to strangers.

(LITTLE RED skips by with a basket.)

CINDER    Oh, there you go!  Follow her!
.         I think she’s got some cookies.

JACK 2    Cookies!

(JACK 2 runs after her.  SNOW WHITE looks at JACK 1.)

JACK 1    I have pie!

SLEEPING  You have PLUM pie.  And you can’t like it
.         very much if you’re playing with your food.
.         (J.1 thinks, then runs after J.2)  That was
.         simply exhausting.  How do these mothers do it?

(CINDERLLA shrugs, then sips from her teacup,
finding it empty.  Going to pour more tea,
she finds the teapot empty.  CINDERELLA looks around.)

CINDER    Thumbelina!  Thumbelina?  Where is that girl
.         when you need her?  I NEED MORE TEA!!!

(THUMBELINA rushes out with another teapot and pours
some tea into CINDERELLA’S cup, but knocks over the cup.)

CINDER    (gasps) Clumsy little pixie! You’re more like -
.         FUMBLE-lina.  Get out of here!  I’ll just
.         do it myself, THANK YOU very much!  (pours tea)

SNOW      Totally useless child.

SLEEPING  Maybe her mother was completely exhausted    13
.         and neglected her.

CINDER    That could be.  I heard that Mrs. Hubbard
.         is neglecting HER children.  Oh wait, that’s
.         the old woman in the shoe.  Mrs. Hubbard
.         is neglecting her dog.  (rolling her eyes)
.         Ugh, EVEN worse!  But can you imagine living
.         in a shoe with all those kids?  But EVEN worse,
.         Peter, who lives over the hill and dale,
.         put his wife – in a pumpkin shell.
.         Can you just imagine?

SNOW      That sounds ridiculous.

CINDER    It does, but it’s true.  Well, this one you can
.         believe.  Mary, who lives down the lane and has
.         that sheep farm - rumor has it that all her
.         sheep got loose and ran away – and wound up
.         going into the garden of the other Mary.
.         (SNOW leans over to study SLEEPING’S face)
.         Totally ate her cockleshells, AND made
.         an absolute huge mess of everything.
.         So this ah, garden-Mary becomes quite nasty
.         and the rumors start to fly–
.         (curiously) -What are you doing?

SNOW      Counting her wrinkles.

SLEEPING  (wakes with a start)  Wa-what!?  (SNOW laughs)
.         Stay away from my face!

CINDER    Oh!  Do you know what else I heard?
.         Princess Belle is using some sort of
.         secret potion to get her skin to look younger.
.         Such vanity!

SNOW      (perking up)  Really?!  You don’t say.
.         So, what is it?  What’s the secret potion?
.         Where’s she getting it?

CINDER    I don’t know.  It’s... secret.

(SLEEPING laughs.  SNOW WHITE is not amused.)

SNOW      NOT that I need it, but, maybe one day -
.         you know.  It just would be nice to KNOW.
.                                                      14
SLEEPING  Yeah, I’m kind of curious.

SNOW      There, you see.  So Cinderella, you’ve GOT to –

CINDER    (puts on an attitude)  Oh, I’ve GOT to???
.         Are YOU now telling me what to do?!!

SNOW      What?!  NOW who needs to chill?

SLEEPING  No one is telling you what to do, Cinderella.

SNOW      I – WEEEE – just really want to know where
.         to find this – secret potion.

CINDER    Well, I have no idea where to even start-

SNOW      I thought you had a fairy godmother?

CINDER    Oh - yeah, - her!

SNOW      Yeah... her.  (starts big, then gets softer)
.         CCCINNNN-derella?  Do you think you could,
.         please, call her up?  Or down, or whatever
.         it is you do?

(One by one they stand up to sing.)

.         (song is optional)

CINDER    (singing)  Cinderella, Cinderella,
.         People tell me what to do.
.         How it hurts, they have no clue.
.         This I wish, that words would cease for a few.
SLEEPING  (singing)  If I had a fairy godmother, I would
.         maybe get some sleep, and control this emotion.
SNOW      (singing to CINDERELLA)
.         If you called your fairy godmother,
.         I would get my beauty potion.
.         Call her now!  Please call her now,
.         for that potion.
.         (ends softly with a sweet smile)

SLEEPING  And maybe while we’re at it, we could
.         ask for something to help me stay awake?

CINDER    Maybe a few KISSES from your prince          15
.         would fix that.

SLEEPING  You just work on your OWN marriage.

CINDER    Why?  What do you know?

SNOW      IS there trouble in paradise, Cinderella?

CINDER    We – argue – sometimes.


CINDER    What about you, Snow White?
.         Do you argue with your prince?

SNOW      (shrugging) No!  MY prince is never home.
.         (CINDER and SLEEPING both “aw” knowingly.)
.         Wha-no, it’s not like THAT.  It’s just –
.         he’s got a lot of work to do.

CINDER    Ah-ha.

SNOW      Hey, don’t you DARE gossip about that.

CINDER    I’m not a gossip!

(SLEEPING BEAUTY snorts a laugh.)

SNOW      (gently pulls CINDER to stage left)
.         Now, just call - your fairy godmother!
.         (SLEEPING follows, yawning)
.         Feel free to go ahead, anytime...
.         and just do your thing!

CINDER    Okay - okay, I will...

SLEEPING  So what are you waiting for?

CINDER    Shhh!  Everyone, just sh.
.         I have to remember the magic words.

SLEEPING  Is iiiit - pleeease?

CINDER    No!  Now, shush.  Please!  Ahhh-  (thinking)
.         “Shiver and shame, dear”...

SLEEPING  (gently suggesting)  “Fairy godmother”-      16

CINDER    Nooo.  Ah, “Shiver and shave, dear – sweet” –

SLEEPING  (gently)  “Fairy godmother”-

CINDER    NO!  Now stop trying to help!-It’s not helping.
.         “Simmer!”-No!-“SHIMMER!”-“Shimmer and... shine,
.         Dear, sweet friend of MINE!  Shower on me
.         whatever I so incline!”  (sighs with relief)

SLEEPING  Seriously? – (noticing FAIRY G)  OH!

(FAIRY GODMOTHER walks out, wearing tiny little wings
and waving a wand down at her side as she eats an apple.
SNOW WHITE sees the apple, freaks and rips it from
her before FAIRY GODMOTHER can take another bite.
SNOW WHITE throws it off stage and CINDERELLA ducks.)

FAIRY G   All righty then.  What can I do for you? –
.         (indignantly)  Oh! It’s you.  I haven’t seen
.         YOU in a while.  I thought you were giving me
.         a cold shoulder or something.

CINDER    Nooo, I’ve just - been doing fine.
.         I haven’t really needed you – at all.

SNOW      Until now.

FAIRY G   (suspiciously)  Is that so?

CINDER    Yeessss.

FAIRY G   (to CINDER)  So what can I do for you then?

SNOW      We want the secret potion that gives us –
.         the fountain of youth.

FAIRY G   Excuse me, I’m not YOUR fairy godmother, am I?
.         (looks back at CINDER attentively)

CINDER    We–I – want the secret potion that gives
.         us-ME - the fountain of youth.

FAIRY G   Really?!  This isn’t just peer pressure then?
.         This is actually YOUR wish, not somebody else’s?

CINDER    (not very convincing)  No-no, it’s mine.     17

FAIRY G   Well, even if I do believe you, I don’t have
.         any idea what you’re talking about.
.         I’d have to do some research - check out
.         some connections – that sort of thing.

SNOW      What good are you then?

FAIRY G   Quite the attitude coming from the girl
.         who just threw away my apple.

SNOW      I was protecting you.  (suddenly pleased)
.         Oh, and she called me a “girl”.

FAIRY G   Figure of speech.  More indicative of your
.         attitude.  And you owe me an apple!
.         (to CINDER)  Anything else while I’m here?

.         (must speak or sing lyrics)

FAIRY G   (sings) Do you have another request
SNOW      (sings) Are you sure about the beauty potion?
SLEEPING  (sings) Or for some kind of
.         wake-me-up-emotion?
CINDER    (sings) Alright, fine!  I do need help –
.         I need something to inspire
.         a husband’s complete devotion.

(Song ends abruptly. EVERYONE stops and looks at CINDER.)

CINDER    (talks now)  All right. My life isn’t exactly –
.         totally perfect.  How about something...
.         that will help me with my husband?
.         We keep arguing.  He just doesn’t get it!
.         Like he doesn’t even WANT to understand me.

FAIRY G   Oh, now that’s more like it.  Ah well, let’s
.         see now...  “Jiggedy,” no.  “Jaggedy.”  No!
.         (thinking)  “Ziggedy-zag, dumping the blab,
.         stop - the squabble and gab!”
.         (waves her wand and touches CINDER’S head)
.         There!  Now, I’m off in search of your
.         other request.  Don’t hold your breath, though.

(FAIRY GODMOTHER exits. SNOW WHITE gasps indignantly.)
.                                                      18
SLEEPING  Why would we hold our breath?

SNOW      (to CINDER)  You MUST let me know if she
.         gets back to you with anything.

(CINDERELLA tries to speak but can’t open her mouth.)

SNOW      Cinderella?  You WILL do that, won’t you?
.         As soon as you hear anything!

(CINDERELLA makes some wild motions to say she cannot
talk, or open her mouth.)

SLEEPING  (snorting)  Cat got your tongue?

SNOW      Hey!  That’s never funny when it DOES happen.
.         OH!  The spell from the fairy godmother!

(CINDERELLA nods dramatically.  SLEEPING laughs harder.)

SLEEPING  Even better.

SNOW      No–no – this-this is not good... Well,
.         I guess it’s not bad.  At least now we
.         do nt have to listen to her gossip.
.         (laughing, CINDER puts hands on hips)  But -
.         (seriously) -what will she tell her prince?
.         (studies SLEEPING, then laugh-bursts again,
.          then sobers when CINDERELLA stamps her foot)
.         Okay, not funny.

SLEEPING  Speaking of princes, it’s time to go home.

SNOW      What are YOU complaining about?  At least
.         YOUR prince comes home at a decent time,
.         and he’s always happy, and – charming.
.         You should NEVER take that for granted.

(CINDERLLA nods her agreement, pointing to SLEEPING
BEAUTY’S eyes, then directly at SLEEPING BEAUTY.)

SLEEPING  What’s she saying!?

SNOW      I think she’s saying, you need to look
.         at yourself.  (CINDER nods)

SLEEPING  (angrily to SNOW)  Why am I the bad person?  19
.         I’m a beautiful but helpless princess!

SNOW      Of course you are! I didn’t say it, she did.
.         (points at CINDER, who sags with exasperation)
.         Now, I have supper to oversee.  IF that prince
.         of mine even comes home.  See you tomorrow.

(CINDERELLA waves goodbye.  PRINCESSES exit.)

.                        STAGE RIGHT

(All 3 PRINCES enter and gather at STAGE RIGHT.
Each holding a coffee cup, they say their “hellos”.)

P2/charm  Prince!

P1/snow   Prince Charming.  Prince.

P2/charm  Prince.

P3/cind   Prince.  Charming.

(KING enters.  All of the PRINCES give a slight bow.)

P1,2,3    King.

KING      Princes!  How goes your day?

P2/charm  Couldn’t be better.

KING      Always Charming.  But seriously, how goes
.         the business of kingdom-running?

P1/snow   Ah, he’s right.  It’s all good!
.         Everything in my kingdom, at least.

P2/charm  Yeah, you see, I don’t know why or what’s up,
.         but villainous deeds seem to be down.

P3/cind   Same thing in my land.  What’s up with that?
.         You know, that’s actually kind of suspicious,
.         if you ask me.

KING      Is that why you’re all on the solemn side?

P2/charm  Ahhhh... I don’t even know what you mean.
.                                                      20
KING      (to P 1)  Well then, how’s my daughter doing?

P1/snow   Snow White is wonderful, sire.

KING      Really?

P1/snow   SUPER wonderful, sire.

KING      Oh, come now, I know how it can be.
.         After my first wife died, my second wife – ah –
.         well – you know how things went down.  But
.         tell me, do all your princesses still – sing
.         to the birds and furry woodland creatures?

P1/snow   Weeellll, not too much of THAT lately.
.         Perhaps, it – could be better.

P3/cind   I hear you, prince!

KING      (to P2)  And you?

P2/charm  (smile falls)  Okay, it could be better.

.         (song is optional)
P2/charm  (sing) It’s not right, sometimes we fight.
.         Where is the happy ever after ending?
P3/cind   It’s the same, ev’ry night,
.         It’s always never ending, unrelenting.
P1/snow   Same with us, it’s every day.
.         Even though I’m determined to stay.
P2/charm  And what should I do? I keep putting her first.
P3/cind   But it never gets better,
P1/snow   it only gets worse.
KING      Then let’s throw them a ball.
3 PRINCES Is there hope? Will that help
.         bring back the happy ever after ending?
.         Where did we go so wrong?  Why does defending
.         not bring about mending?  Can we not
.         do anything to find answers to the call?
.         To finally be in the right?  Maybe
.         win just one fight?  But for now we’ll
.         keep the peace.  Hoping to have it all.
KING      So let’s throw them a ball.
.         (talks) I say, it’s time we threw them a ball.

P2/charm  Sleeping Beauty really hates playing catch.  21
.         If it’s not about her hair, or her nails,
.         then she’s just way too tired.

P1/snow   Ah, a BALL.  As in – a dance.  A big party.

P2/charm  Oh yeah, that might be better.

P3/cind   (shaking his head)  I don’t know.

P1/snow   What?  What’s wrong with a ball?

P3/cind   Something BAD always happens at a ball.

KING      Not always.  From my experience,
.         you either find yourself a wife or –

P1/cind   -Something bad happens.
.         Some villainous action is played out –
.         with a ‘moral of the story’ to be learned.

P2/charm  Oh come now, don’t be so negative.

P3/cind   But if it would happened, this is
.         exactly the place where it WOULD happen.

P1/snow   And just where ARE all the villains, huh?
.         I have this feeling that they are meeting
.         somewhere and planning something really big.

P3/cind   See?  The ball is already fated
.         to have a disastrous outcome.

KING      OR - the ball will have a happily-ever-after
.         kind of ending.

P2/charm  Let’s go with THAT one.

P1/snow   Ah, I guess– what could it hurt?  My princess
.         is always saying I don’t do anything for her.

P3/cind   Well in that case, let’s do it.

P2/charm  Agreed.  I can’t wait to get home then
.         and tell my princess.

.                                                      22
.                       CENTER STAGE

(ALL VILLAINS sneak in STAGE LEFT and gather at
CENTER STAGE.  Some sit in rows, some stand in the back.
WENDY steps forward to address the crowd.  VILLAIN 1 & 2
stand on either side and slightly behind her.)

WENDY     Good evening and welcome to Villains Anonymous.
.         My name is Wendy –

ALL       Hi Wendy.

WENDY     And I am a Villain.  I have not done anything
.         villainous now for 2 years, 6 months and
.         3 weeks.

(ALL look around, some surprised, some impressed,
and ALL politely clap.)

WENDY     I know some of you don’t think you need
.         to change your ways, but we are here to let
.         you know, you’re not only hurting others,
.         you are hurting yourselves.  You should
.         also know that - you are not alone.  We are
.         here to help you, and be your support group.
.         And with that, is there anyone here who would
.         like to take this step to recovery?

(GLENDA cheerfully “floats” to front.)

GLENDA    Hello everyone, my name is Glenda,
.         and I am a GOOD villain –

ALL       Denial!  

EXTRA     She is SO in denial.

EXTRA     Come on, admit you have a problem.

EXTRA     If you don’t face it, you can never really
.         change.

WENDY     (to GLENDA)  A villain is a villain. You cannot
.         be a GOOD villain.  You must make a choice.
.         Are you a practicing villain – or not?

GLENDA    I’m – going to have to give this some        23
.         more thought.  (floats back to her spot)

WENDY     We’ll be here for you, Glenda,
.         whenever you’re ready.  (looks around)

(STEPMOTHER & SISTERS nudge each other and shake their
heads at each other whispering, “no, you” – “no, you”.)

WENDY     Anyone else?  Anyone at all?

(ALL fall quiet, afraid to look around.  Then gasp as
QUEEN stands and comes forward.  It falls quiet again.)

QUEEN     I am- the Ex-Queen, step-mother to Snow White.
.         (more gasps, and she waits until it is silent)
.         And - I am – a villain.  (haunting music plays)
.         There is no denying my intentions on Snow White
.         when I sent a Hunter out to find her and
.         give her a poisoned apple. It was my vanity,
.         and then my jealousy that sent me on this path
.         of destruction.  By never correcting myself,
.         I have lived many years in silent anger.

.         (must speak or sing lyrics)

QUEEN     (verse) I let bitterness, be all consuming.
.         It was poison to my soul
.         Doing everything to fix my outside
.         it was pointless, this I know.
.         (chorus) Ugliness took root in my heart
.         overtaking all my thoughts and actions,
.         so much so, it’s now on the outside.
.         I need help to fix infractions.
.         (verse)
.         If it’s not too late, I look to you all
.         to tell you it’s not worth it.
.         And to reconcile ev’ry relationship
.         I need to change, I will admit.

(After some silence, people slowly applaud and then
rise to applaud louder.  QUEEN humbly hangs her head.
WENDY steps up beside her to put an arm around her.)

WENDY     And it NEVER is too late. We certainly want
.         to support Queen in her steps moving forward.
.                                                      24
(ALL split up & exit while turning and moving sets
around.  STEPMOTHER and STEPSISTERS speak as they exit.)

STEPM     I bet she’s faking her remorse.

.                        STAGE LEFT

(CINDERELLA sits waiting impatiently for PRINCE 3.)

P3/cind   Hello, dear Cinderella. (CINDER casually waves)
.         How was your day?

(CINDERELLA shrugs, then holds out a hand for PRINCE 3
to answer the same question.  P3 sits down)

P3/cind   Oh, mine was interesting.  Scuttlebutt seems to
.         be that there’s peace throughout the kingdom.
.         That’s – great news – unless there is something
.         more sinister lurking beneath?  But why be
.         so negative and expect the worst?  I guess,
.         we’re so used to exchanging bad news.  Huh?
.         Ah, unless you have some bad news to report?

(CINDERELLA shakes head and shrugs.  PRINCE 3
is surprised.)

P3/cind   Oh, well, wonderful.  Ah, all the princes send
.         their greetings.  (CINDER smiles and nods.)
.         And we all bumped into the King today
.         at the royal business club.  He will be sending
.         out formal invitations later, but we are
.         to attend a ball that he is throwing –
.         tomorrow evening.

(PRINCE 3 smiles and CINDERELLA perks up again,
clapping her hands to feign glee.)

P3/cind   Is supper ready?

(CINDERELLA tries to speak, but she can only smile
with closed lips and tilt her head.)

P3/cind   I mean, that’s all right. (getting an idea)
.         Come, I’ll help you get something ready.
.         It’ll be fun. Like old times.  (holds hand out
.           for CINDER to take and be lead out.)
.                                                      25
.                       CENTER BACK

P2/charm  (enters & looks around)  Sleeping Beauty?
.         Sleeping Beauty?!  Are you – asleep already?

SLEEPING  (enters around from other side of set)
.         Why do you always assume that I’m sleeping?

P2/charm  Because you usually are - but that’s okay.

SLEEPING  Is it?  Is it really?  You don’t always have
.         to be so – charming – you know.

P2/charm  Would you rather I yell at you?  I cannot yell,
.         and I certainly do not WANT to yell at you.

SLEEPING  Then what?  I get the sense that you secretly
.         resent me.  Maybe because I’m so much older
.         than you!  I mean – I am over 100 YEARS older!

P2/charm  Those 100 years don’t count.

SLEEPING  Is that - what you have to tell yourself?

P2/charm  Nooooo I don’t – not really.  No.

SLEEPING  Ha! Oh!  So something IS wrong!
.         (stamps foot then takes a step to leave)

P2/charm  And THAT is why I’m throwing you a ball.

SLEEPING  Please, I’m in no mood to play catch!
.         Of all the silly ideas!
.         (shakes her head, disgusted, then leaves)

P2/charm  Oh, it would be so pointless to say anything
.         right now.  (then follows after)

.                        STAGE RIGHT

(SNOW WHITE stares into the mirror.  PRINCE 1 enters.)

P1/snow   STILL looking at yourself in that mirror?

SNOW      (smoothly)  You’re late.

P1/snow   All the looking won’t change a thing.        26

SNOW      (sets mirror down)  Did you want something?

P1/snow   No!  No.  Nothing.  Nothing at all.

(SNOW WHITE waits for P1 to leave.)

SNOW      (picks up mirror again)  Mirror, mirror
.         in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?

MIRROR    (LIGHT on) You’re not going to like the answer.

SNOW      WHY?

MIRROR    Because the answer hasn’t changed.

SNOW      I figured so.  I just want to know “why”?
.         WHY is Belle the fairest of all the fairest?
.         What does she have that the rest of us don’t?
.         What - is the secret potion she is using?

MIRROR    Secret potion?  Oooh, someone else was asking
.         about that today.  Yes, some fairy godmother.
.         And I can only tell you what I told her –
.         I don’t know.  I honestly don’t know.
.         I’m just a mirror.  Oh hey, here’s a
.         crazy idea.  Why don’t you ask Belle?

SNOW      I cannot ask Belle about her secret potion!
.         A woman never shares secrets like that.

MIRROR    Okay then, good luck with that. (LIGHT off)

(Angered, SNOW shakes the mirror with gritted teeth.)

.         (must speak or sing lyrics)

SNOW      (singing) I need a plan
.         To get that secret potion
.         And if I can’t, I need a plan
.         To get Belle in-stead
.         Just an apple, and some poison
.         To get Belle instead.

(SNOW swings around sinisterly and exits.)
.                                                      27
INTERMISSION ENTERTAINMENT (optional) (can be pre-taped)
Use just for fun, or if there is an actual intermission –
to get the audience’s attention to sit back down.


ADMAN 1   Having problems getting stains off YOUR
.         invisible clothing?  Perhaps it is time to have
.         Rumplestilskin weave you a coat of gold?  No
.         dry-cleaning necessary, just polish and wear.
.         Call to set up your fitting at 555-THREADS.


ADMAN 2   Do you have dry and damaged hair?  Does
.         your prince keep falling back to the ground
.         while trying to climb up the tower window
.         because you have split ends?  Just use
.         IRONCLAD Shampoo.  Not only will your hair
.         increase its strength, in just two weeks,
.         it will smell good, too.  Hair will be
.         guaranteed to hold up to 200 pounds.


MUFFIN MAN Do YOU know the muffin man?  WHO’S the muffin
.          man?  I’M the muffin man.  Please! – stop
.          confusing me with that “baker in the rye-guy!”
.          Aaaaad - come to MY bakery for your next
.          batch of muffins.


ADMAN 3   Does your house smell?  Like a shoe, or worse,
.         like a big ol’ pumpkin?  Use IRONCLAD Shampoo.
.         It’s very strong.  It will be the ONLY thing
.         you or anybody smells.  Intoxicating enough to:
.         deodorize a grand ballroom; over-ride the odors
.         of a ogre; or as protection method to cover
.         the tracks of an Englishman from giants.


(Close up of butcher’s knife coming down on a cutting
board.  A fuzzy thing is on it.  Zoom away to show
.                                                      28
WIFE      Hi, I’m the Butcher’s wife.  Is yar home
.         infested with mice, especially with
.         them thar pesky blind variety?
.         (holds up knife, smiles, shows missing teeth)
.         I cin take kir of ‘em for ya.  Nice ‘n
.         friendly-like.  They don’t need them thar
.         tails.  Ha!  And we can set ya up – with some
.         quarterly annual visit contracts.  Call this
.         week, and I’ll include spider-swatting if
.         ya have any.  Ha! And I knows ya got ‘em.
.         So if yar be the first caller-to call right
.         now – yar gonna git this here FREEEE rabbit.
.         (holds up a fuzzy stuffed rabbit with a smile)

CLIENT    (off stage)  Hey! Butcher’s wife!

WIFE      Oh!  And that thar’s be my first caller now!
.         HE gits the rabbit.


MARY      “Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your
.         garden grow?”  Do you know how many times
.         I’ve been asked THAT one?  So many times
.         in fact, that Neverland Network has asked me
.         to host my very own show to tell you how.
.         Please watch my show “Green Thumb,” not to be
.         confused with Tom Thumb.  My next episode
.         will cover how to keep snapdragons in row, AND
.         how to keep stray sheep out of YOUR pansies.


ADMAN 4   (somberly)  Missing some cookies?  Do they keep
.         running away from you?  Call 555-MISSING.
.         Call just as soon as you know - you have any –
.         missing cookies.  Please have a current drawing
.         of them ready, so we can place that immediately
.         onto our whey cartons.  (holding up a carton
.           with a drawing of the gingerbread man on it)
.         If you’ve seen this real missing cookie, please
.         contact your local Mother Goose Command Post
.         right now.  Thank you for your participation
.         in keeping wayward cookies off our streets.

.                    ACT 2 – CENTER STAGE             29

MUSIC 10: classical “morning song” with birds chirping

NARRATOR  Again, not - yet!  (MUSIC stops, NAR. enters)
.         The land had gone into a deep, deep sleep,
.         but not the hundred-year-kind, just more of a
.         regular KIND of sleep that lasts the course
.         of a night.  And with the sunrise, brought –
.         yet another day.  THIS – is the continuation
.         of their stories.  Ca-CHUNG!
.         (walks off, & there is a moment of silence)
.         (off stage)  Go ahead, music.

MUSIC 11:  classical “morning song” with birds chirping

(SNOW WHITE enters stage right and reaches for mirror.
PRINCE 1 is right behind her.)

P1/snow   Well, don’t let me stop you from whatever
.         quirky obsession you’ve got going there.
.         I’m sure you’ll want to look good for tonight.
.         You father’s throwing a ball for you.

SNOW      (angrily)  How long have you known about this?

P1/snow   Since last night.

SNOW      And you neglected to tell me?

P1/snow   Last night you weren’t exactly in the mood
.         for light chit chat.

SNOW      I wish you would have told me!  There’s
.         a whole lot to do to get ready for a ball!

P1/snow   I don’t see why.  You don’t have that much
.         to do since you’re the fairest in the land.

SNOW      That - may not be!

P1/snow   Huh?  Well, even if it isn’t, you are still the
.         fairest in the land as far as I’m concerned.

SNOW      Oh blah-blah-blah-blah-BLAH.  Your
.         fairytale-telling needs a lot of work.

P1/snow   And I am continually astounded how your      30
.         delightfulness and beauty only increases
.         as it conquers all effects of time.

SNOW      Blech!  Have you been taking lessons from
.         Prince Charming?  It means nothing, you know.
.         Those are just words.

P1/snow   Ciao, my belle.  (about to leave)

SNOW      STOP!  WHY did you call me BELLE?

P1/snow   It’s French, meaning “beautiful”?

SNOW      Do not EVER call me that again.  And “ciao”
.         is Italian.  WHY in the world would you use
.         three different languages in one sentence
.         that contains only three little words?!

P1/snow   All right!  See you tonight, then!

(PRINCE 1 storms off.  SNOW WHITE grabs the mirror and
shakes it like in a chokehold.)

SNOW      See what Princess Belle is turning me into!

.                       CENTER BACK

(SLEEPING BEAUTY enters and paces the floor.  PRINCE 2
comes in and is shocked to see her there already.)

P2/charm  Why, good morning.  You’re up already!

SLEEPING  WHY would you be shocked at that?
.         Why would THAT be your comment?
.         Perhaps I did not even sleep.

P2/charm  You did not sleep?  What’s wrong?

SLEEPING  Of COURSE I slept!  And as usually, I did NOT
.         sleep well.  And YES, something is wrong,
.         but you refuse to admit it.  Tell me!

P2/charm  (calmly)  You’re driving me crazy?

SLEEPING  I’M driving YOU crazy? YOU’RE driving ME crazy!

P2/charm  MY problem is that I’m driving you crazy?    31
.         How am I driving you crazy?

SLEEPING  By not being upset!

P2/charm  (uses a pillow to hit his head)
.         What - should - I - be - upset about?

SLEEPING  You’re hitting your head with a pillow
.         and saying - that you’re not upset.

P2/charm  (takes SLEEPING’s shoulders in his hands)
.         WHY – do you WANT me to be upset?

SLEEPING  Do you not care?

P2/charm  I do care.

SLEEPING  (cryptically)  If you care, you’d be upset.

P2/charm  (walks in tiny circle speaking quietly) I think
.         I’m actually getting dizzy.  But I have to go
.         to work now.  You are simply driving me crazy.
.         (exits, from off stage)  BUT I’M NOT – UPSET.

SLEEPING  (to herself)  Maybe he does care.

(PRINCE 2 gives a final exasperated yell from off stage.)

.                        STAGE LEFT

(PRINCE 3 steps out and yawns.  Seeing a scroll on
the chair he sits down to read.  There is humming and
CINDERELLA dances in to give him his morning coffee.)

.         (or just hum anything)

P3/cind   I haven’t heard you hum in a long time.
.         I’ve kind of missed that.

(CINDERELLA plops down to watch P3 intently.  
P3 looks up at her and smiles awkwardly.)

P3/cind   This is nice, I love spending time with you
.         like this.  

(CINDERELLA shyly shrugs and nods.)                    32

P3/cind   I could just stay here forever, but – alas –
.         there is work to be done. And you probably want
.         to spend the day getting ready for the ball,
.         so I’ll not keep you from that.  Thank you
.         very much for a lovely breakfast.

(P3 sets his mug down and kisses CINDER on the forehead
before leaving.  CINDERELLA tilts her head, thinking.)

.         (song is optional)

(Each princess sings from her own set.)

SNOW      (sings)  Morning time, brings in a new day
SLEEPING  (sings)  I must wake up and keep going
CINDER    (hums the third phrase,
.         then continues humming along the entire song)
SNOW&SLP  (sings)  Each day brings with it, a new start.
.         A new plan, a new beginning.
.         Choices to give and choices to take.
.         Making decisions, good or bad.
.         Ev’ry step, has its own choice to make.

(At the end of the scene the sets turn around.)

.                       CENTER LEFT

(With WENDY at her side, QUEEN steps up to HUNTER.)

WENDY     One of the steps to recovery is to approach
.         everyone you have wronged.  The Queen
.         has something she’d like to say to you.

HUNTER    (nervously)  Oh-o-kay.

(QUEEN stands tall to brace herself but it appears more
threatening, then she finally sighs.)

QUEEN     Hunter, dear Hunter, I hope you can forgive me.
.         I sent you out with that poisoned apple – and –
.         and – it was so wrong of me.  Because of my
.         villainous ways, I made YOU into a villain.
.         Please, please, I hope you can - forgive me?

HUNTER    (breaks down into “big-man” crying)          33
.         Of course, of course, I forgive you.

QUEEN     Thank you, Hunter.

WENDY     Hope to see you at our next meeting, Hunter.
.         (HUNTER nods.  WENDY turns to the QUEEN.)
.         Okay, who’s next on your list?

QUEEN     My - my – ex-King–my husband.  And, Snow White.
.         But I highly doubt they’ll ever want to see me.
.         I’d be turned away at the door.

WENDY     (thinking)  Hmmm.

.         (must sing or speak lyrics)

QUEEN     (sings)  What’s our next step,
.         dearest Wendy?

WENDY     (sing)  This requires more thought.

Q & H.    (sings)  Going bad again,
.         is our greatest fear –

WENDY     (sings) We need a meeting! And do what we ought.

Q & H.    (sing) We fall down, we make mistakes.
.         But this is not what we want.
.         What can we do?  What can be done?

ALL 3     (sing) Can we really change? We should not daunt.

Q & H     (sing) Going bad again, so very self-defeating.

WENDY     (sings, ALL end song looking at each other)
.         Quick!  Let us plan another meeting!

down the street from STAGE RIGHT.  SNOW WHITE walks
beside her and nudges her.)

SNOW      Wake up and watch where you’re GOING!

(LITTLE MISS MUFFET runs across the stage screaming.
SLEEPING BEAUTY wakes with a start and just misses her.)
.                                                      34
SLEEPING  Huh? What? What?  Another spider?  
.         That girl needs help.

MUFFET    (stopping)  It’s Humpty!  He fell!

SLEEPING  Oh, even worse.

POLICE    (calling from offstage left)
.         Little Boy Blue – come – blow your horn.

(BOY BLUE appears blowing his horn like a siren
while two men carry a broken Humpty egg on a stretcher
across the stage, stocking-legs dangling.  POLICEMEN
puts up yellow tape at entrance, then follows behind.)

SLEEPING  (to POLICE)  Is – that - really Humpty?

POLICE    Sorry ma’am, we cannot release his name
.         until the first of kinfolk have been notified.
.        (pulls sheet higher to cover more of the egg)

SLEEPING  Oh, I did NOT need to see that.

SNOW      Oh boo-hoo – one less egg in the world.

SLEEPING  (gasps)  Where is your compassion, Snow White?
.         What is happening to you?

SNOW      Hey, don’t forget who planned the kitten-mitten
.         drive, or who organized the fund raiser to help
.         poor little Pinocchio get a nose job?

.         (song is optional)

SLEEPING  (sings)  What is up with you?
.         You are way more than blue.
SNOW      (sings)  You need to look at yourself too.
SLEEPING  (sings)  But I’m concerned
.         You have not been so very kind.
SNOW      (sings)  Give it some thought,
.         you’ve lost your mind

(SNOW WHITE goes to the tea table. Thinking for a second,
SLEEPING BEAUTY suddenly puts her hands on her hips in
a huff, then turns to catch up to SNOW WHITE.)
.                                                      35
.                       CENTER STAGE

(Sitting at the table, SNOW WHITE looks out into the sky
scheming about something, while SLEEPING BEAUTY nods off.
Soon CINDERELLA dances in, humming.)

.         (or hum anything)

(Not getting their attention, CINDERELLA playfully bangs
on the table.  SLEEPING BEAUTY and SNOW WHITE finally
become alert and notice her.)

SLEEPING  What-huh-wha-

SNOW      You have your voice back?

(CINDER shakes her head.  SNOW goes back to thinking.)

SLEEPING  But you can hum?  (CINDER nods, grins stupidly)
.         Why, she’s humming again.  So, what are YOU
.         all happy about?  (CINDER shrugs smugly)
.         I take it you didn’t fight with your prince.

(CINDER shakes her head with a smile, then motions
to SLEEPING BEAUTY to ask her.)

SLEEPING  Yes, we fought.  Well, I did.  As usual,
.         he did NOTHING.  But if he really cared for
.         me, he WOULD fight.  (CINDER looks confused)
.         Don’t you think?  (CINDER shrugs & shakes head)
.         You think it’s me, don’t you?!

(CINDER tilts head as if it say, “duh.”)

SLEEPING  I can’t believe you’d put all the blame on me.

(CINDER points to herself with a big motion and shrugs.)

SLEEPING  So what are you saying?  YOU were the reason
.         you were fighting with your prince?

(CINDERELLA motions with her fingers “a bit”,
a head tilt, then motions a bigger portion.)

SLEEPING  I see.  It’s pretty big of you to admit that.
.                                                      36
(CINDER knocks on her head & makes goofy face.)

SLEEPING  Wow, this is the best conversation I’ve ever
.         had with you, ever!  (CINDER nods agreement)

SNOW      Oh please, get real.  We have bigger things to
.         focus on.  Like seeing if the fairy godmother
.         has learned anything yet.  We really MUST get
.         our hands on that secret potion.

SLEEPING  We must?  I say, we really must find
.         that fairy godmother to undo the spell
.         on Cinderella.

SNOW      I kind of like her this way.  (CINDER balks)

SLEEPING  Well, I mean really – huh!? – How are we
.         even going to CALL the fairy godmother?
.         Cinderella can’t tell us that stupid poem,
.         and I certainly cannot remember it.
.         (SNOW also balks)  Well, can YOU remember it?

SNOW      (giving it some thought)  No!  Not at all!
.         Maybe it doesn’t matter.  I was thinking
.         of another plan –

SLEEPING  I really don’t care about the whole
.         aging-thing.

SNOW      Because YOU got 100 years of beauty sleep?

SLEEPING  Everybody LOVES to dwell on how much sleep
.         I got.  It’s not like it’s the only big news
.         around here.  And NOW, I have to get ready
.         for the ball.  YES, it’s going to take me
.         a while.  I’m not the FASTEST princess around.
.         I lack energy.  Well, send out a press release!

(SLEEPING BEAUTY leaves and SNOW WHITE shakes her head.)

SNOW      So pathetic.  But YOU understand what I’m
.         talking about?  Don’t you?

(CINDERELLA shrugs tentatively.  SNOW WHITE then
becomes intense and begins to rant.)

SNOW      If we can’t find that secret potion,         37
.         Belle will continue to out shine us, and
.         I just can’t have that.  I mean, one minute
.         I’m on top of the world, and the next– I’m just
.         second-rate?  I need to be on top again. Do you
.         have any idea where I might find some poison?

(CINDERELLA looks at her with big eyes.)

SNOW      Oh! Did I just say that out loud?  I mean–ah –
.         don’t you dare tell anyone!  (remembering)
.         Ah!  Look who I’m talking to – the girl who
.         cannot speak.  And don’t look so shocked.
.         You’re not that perfect either.  Even if you
.         COULD talk, no one believes what you say
.         anymore!  YOU’VE become notorious for being
.         a big gossip.  A big bitter gossip!  Too bad-
.         so sad!  Well, see you at the ball, Cinderella.

(After SNOW WHITE exits, CINDERELLA’S eyes become very
big and she puts worried fists to her face.  Realizing
what Snow White might be thinking, she rushes out.
When the lights go off, the furniture is pulled away.)

.                        STAGE LEFT

(WENDY stands before VILLAINS flanked by VILLAIN 1 & 2.)

WENDY     Good evening and welcome to Villains Anonymous.
.         My name is Wendy-

ALL       Hello Wendy.

WENDY     I am a villain.  I’ve not done anything
.         villainous for 2 years, 6 months, 3 weeks,
.         and a day now.

.         (must sing or speak lyrics,
.          but if singing, then ignore “ALL”)

ALL       (sing)  What’s our next step,
.         dearest Wendy?

WENDY     (sing)  This requires more thought.
.         Going bad again, is our greatest fear –
.         we need this meeting!  And do what we ought!
.                                                      38
ALL       (sing)  We fall down, We make mistakes.
.         But could this be what we want?
.         What can we do?  What can be done?
.         Can we really change?  Why does it taunt?
.         Going bad again, to give them all a beating.
.         Quick! Let us get back to this meeting!

WENDY     (sing)  Who wants to change their villainous ways?
.         Why don’t you start right now?
.         None of us has to hit rock bottom.
.         Don’t struggle with how.
.         It’s always one step at a time.

WENDY     (speaks)  So is there someone else
.         who would like to take the first step?
.         Anyone?  Even if you have, let’s say,
.         turned a certain prince into a beast –
.         or a frog - I’m just saying.
.         It doesn’t matter what you have done.
.         The past is the past, and NOW is the time
.         to move forward – just one step at a time.
.         BEFORE - it gets way out of control.

STAR      (comes forward)  Hi, my name is Starlight.

ALL       Hello Starlight.

STAR      And I am a villain.  I have not done
.         anything villainous for - 5 hours.
.         My most infamous deed would have been
.         when I put a spell on Sleeping Beauty
.         to prick her finger on her 15th birthday
.         and put her and her father’s entire kingdom
.         to sleep, until some prince would get to her
.         and break the spell by kissing her.
.         Oh, and there was that little bit where
.         I did set up a nasty barricade of thorns
.         all around the entire castle so it would be
.         pretty much impossible for any prince
.         to ever get to her.  And, oooooh, yeah,
.         just lately, I may have had an old woman
.         sell Sleeping Beauty a magic feather pillow
.         to disrupt her REM cycle so she would wake up
.         grumpy – everyday.  And I’m – so
.         very–very-very sorry.

WENDY     Thank you, Starlight.  We’re all here for you.
.         Now, I know a lot of you are in the process
.         of seeking reconciliation with some prince
.         or princess somewhere.  And you may be
.         experiencing some difficulties in reaching
.         some of these people in order to speak with
.         them.  Well, tonight the King is throwing
.         a ball, where all the princes and princesses
.         will be.  As well, the entire kingdom seems
.         to be invited, I don’t know if this some sort
.         of mistake, but – here is your chance.

QUEEN     (shaking her head)  Ugh!  Leave it to a man
.         to plan a party and send out the invitations!

STEPMOM   (raising her hand)  Will Cinderella be there?
.         (WENDY nods and STEPMOM stands up)
.         Then, ah, I’m the stepmother and I’m a villain.
.         And I haven’t done something villainous for –
.         (STEPSIS 1 tries to pull her down so she
.           pinches her daughter who cries “OW”!)
.         Ugh... two seconds.

STEPS 2   (gets up)  And I’m a stepsister and a villain.

STEPS 1   (gets up)  I am a stepsister, too.  And –
.         (begrudgingly)  I am a villain.

ALL       (look around at each other, wondering)
.         Helloooo... step - people.

WENDY     Well, then, might I suggest that we all - go
.         powder our faces or something and – you know -
.         try to look respectable for the ball tonight.
.         You know, so we don’t stick out too terribly.

STEPS 1   Where’s a fairy godmother when you need one?

(ALL help change the set around and exit.)

.                        CENTER STAGE

(Dance MUSIC 18 plays in the background.  
DOORMAN waits at door.  SNOW and P1 enter and wait.)

DOORMAN   Announcing the arrival of Snow White and
.         her Prince.
.                                                      40
(SNOW WHITE and PRINCE 1 enter and walk in to stage left
area.  SLEEPING BEAUTY and PRINCE 2 enter and wait.)

DOORMAN   Sleeping Beauty and her Prince Charming!

(PRINCE 2 leads the sleepy, yawning SLEEPING BEAUTY to
stage right area.  CINDER and PRINCE 3 enter and wait.)

DOORMAN   Cinderella and her Prince!

(CINDERELLA and PRINCE 3 take a few steps to the left.
BELLE and PRINCE 4 enter and wait.)

DOORMAN   Arriving fashionably late is Belle and
.         her prince.

(As Belle’s name is said, SNOW WHITE stiffens and scowls.
CINDERELLA notices SNOW WHITE’S reaction and looks
for SLEEPING BEAUTY, who leans against the wall, asleep.
BELLE waves politely at everyone, and PRINCE 4 leads
her a few steps to the right. The KING now enters.)

DOORMAN   And announcing the generous host of
.         tonight’s ball, the king!

KING      Thank you.  Thank you all for coming.  Please,
.         make yourselves at home and have some fun.

(Everyone politely claps, then dance MUSIC 19 begins.
BELLE and P4 immediately dance in their little corner
and become absorbed in some intimate conversation.
SNOW WHITE’S jaw drops in jealousy.  P1 waves a hand
toward the dance floor.  Seeing that SNOW is consumed
with giving BELLE the evil eye, P1 shakes his head.
P2 waves toward the dance floor, but looking back
notices SLEEPING is totally out of it, and snoring.
He spreads his hands out in astonishment.
As PRINCE 1 & 2 go to the center of the floor,
CINDER playfully waves P3 to go join his buddies.
P3 playfully tweaks her cheek, and she leans in smiling
as he does.  PRINCES 1, 2 & 3 meet at center stage.)

P2/charm  Prince!

P1/snow   Prince Charming.  Prince.

P2/charm  Prince.                                      41

P3/sleep  Prince.  Charming.

(KING joins in.  All of the PRINCES give a slight bow.)

P2/charm  King.

P1/snow   King.

P3/sleep  King.

KING      Princes.

(As music ends, BELLE hugs PRINCE 4.  As he leaves her side,
BELLE pulls out a small mirror and some powder from her bag.
PRINCES 1, 2 & 3 notice PRINCE 4 approaching them.)

P 1-3     Prince!

P4/belle  Princes.  King.

KING      Prince.  So, how are you doing?

P4/belle  Couldn’t be better!

(CINDERELLA looks over at SNOW WHITE and sees her fuming.
CINDERELLA tries to get the attention of SLEEPING BEAUTY.
SLEEPING slips a bit from her post against the wall
and wakes up.  Looking around, she sees CINDERELLA waving
her over like a maniac.  This also catches the attention
CINDERELLA quickly calms herself and waves at SNOW WHITE
with an extremely sweet smile and gentle hand.
When SLEEPING BEAUTY joins the group, CINDER gives her
a “what took you so long” face, then quickly smiles back
at SNOW WHITE.  But SNOW is staring at BELLE again.)

SNOW      Just look at her.  Do you think the powder
.         she’s putting on her face is the secret potion?

(P4 returns to BELLE, who puts the powder back in the bag
and lays it on a side table.  She and P4 dance again.)

SNOW      I mean seriously, what does SHE have
.         that we don’t have?

SLEEPING  Happiness?                                   42

SNOW      How can she be the fairest in the land?
.         Look at her, she’s even wearing the exact same
.         dress that she wore to the LAST ball.

SLEEPING  But she looks so happy.

SNOW      I must find out what her secret potion is, and
.         if not, well, first I’m going to try getting
.         to her bag to see what exactly’s inside.

(While SNOW eyes the side table where the bag lays,
CINDERELLA turns to SLEEPING BEAUTY and makes some
wild motions.  SLEEPING BEAUTY perks up a bit.)

.         (song is optional)

(As SLEEPING sings, SNOW fixes sinister stares on BELLE
and P4 as they dance.  DOORMAN walks around with
a tray of drinks.  Passing by BELLE and P4, they take
a drink and go to their table.  Foiled, SNOW scowls.)

SLEEPING  (sings)  I sense trouble, going on here.
.         Something is happening with Snow White.
.         She’s not the same girl anymore.
.         What is her plan?  Is she all right?
.         It does not look good.  Not like it should.

(As SLEEPING BEAUTY sings, {except for the Queen}
all of the VILLAINS enter.  The women go to stage left
and all the men go to stage right.  They all stand
in a line, like awkward geeks and shy wallflowers.)

SLEEPING  (sings with more frenzy)
.         I sense more trouble, going on here.
.         Something is happening, with ev’ryone.
.         Fairyland villains are ev’rywhere.
.         What is their plan?  This is not fun.
.         It does not look good.  Not like it should.
.         There goes the whole neighborhood.

drags CINDERELLA over to PRINCES 1, 2, & 3 and the KING
just as they finish grabbing a drink from the DOORMAN.)
.                                                      43
SLEEPING  (to KING, motioning toward the VILLAINS)
.         What are THEY all doing here?

KING      Who – what - where?

SLEEPING  THEM!  All of the villains!

(KING and PRINCES 1, 2, 3 look around at the villains.
STEPMOTHER shyly waves at HUNTER across the way.
He shyly waves back then draws circles with a foot.
STEPSISTERS nudge each other, giggling.
KING and PRINCES 1, 2, 3 turn back to each other.)

P1/snow   It looks like the entire kingdom’s collection
.         of villains are here.

(SNOW WHITE finally swoops up to the group.)

SNOW      Father, what did you do!

KING      I just sent the word out, that there was
.         a ball –

SNOW      As an open invitation to the entire kingdom?

(ALL their jaws drop.  SLEEPING BEAUTY rolls her eyes.)

SLEEPING  Leave it to a man to plan a party and send out
.         the invitations!  This is exactly how sinister
.         issues develop.

SNOW      (thinks then perks up)  Well, I wouldn’t worry.
.         Nothing’s happened –yet.  I will keep my eyes
.         on them, while – you men go - figure out
.         what should be done.  If anything.

KING      Oh, ah, good idea.  Just be careful.

(SNOW walks around nonchalantly eyeing the villains.
KING and PRINCES 1 & 3 exit stage right.
SLEEPING grabs PRINCE 2’s arm and holds him back.)

SLEEPING  I don’t know why, but I have a bad feeling
.         about all of this.

P2/charm  And we will come up with a plan.
.                                                      44
(As PRINCE 2 leaves stage right to join the others,
all the CHILDREN come dancing in and making noise,
dancing all around SLEEPING BEAUTY.)

SLEEPING  Oh, what now?!  Could this get any worse?

(SLEEPING looks around at all the male VILLAINS standing
against the wall, and approaches the PIED PIPER.)

SLEEPING  Are you the Pied Piper?

PIPER     I am.

SLEEPING  (pulls PIED PIPER aside)  I will give you
.         four six-pence if you will lure the children
.         away from here.  All of them!

PIPER     But... that would be a villainous act.

SLEEPING  I don’t care.  These kids are driving me nuts.
.         I want them gone.  I need some peace...
.         Children do not belong at balls.  Please!

(PIED PIPER thinks about this.  It is very tempting.
SLEEPING BEAUTY grabs his arm with desperation.)

SLEEPING  I will give you four and TWENTY six-pence.

PIPER     Awwww!  Okay. Done.

(PIPER pulls out a recorder and begins to play MUSIC 21.
CHILDREN dance to it and follow PIPER as he leads them
around SLEEPING and out the main doors.  SLEEPING is now
exhausted and leans up against her wall to fall asleep.
SNOW WHITE looks around at all the villains.  Turning
to CINDERELLA, SNOW WHITE grins and laughs evilly.)

SNOW      I have an idea.  It would be so easy
.         to poison Belle, and blame it on any ONE
.         of these villains here.  Now – I just need
.         to get my hands on some poison.
.         And an apple.

.         (song is optional)

(As SNOW slowly, slyly slips away and walks toward     45
the VILLAINS, CINDER hums the song that was just sung
while she desperately looks around for SLEEPING.
Meanwhile, SNOW goes from one villain to the next
beginning with the women at far stage left – WENDY.)

SNOW      (to WENDY)  I’m in the market for
.         some poison.  Do you have any on you?

(WENDY shakes her head and shrugs.  As SNOW moves on,
WENDY walks across the floor to HUNTER and whispers
something in his ear.  Then WENDY leaves.  HUNTER looks
around nervously, then tries to wave at STEPMOTHER again,
who shyly giggles and waves him off.)

(CINDER watches WENDY leave and then watches SNOW WHITE
whispering something to each villain.  Seeing SLEEPING
asleep against the wall, CINDER rushes to stage right
and shakes her awake.  CINDERELLA makes motions of
tiny fluttering wings, and waving a wand around.)

SLEEPING  Huh? Ah, you want to find your fairy godmother?
.         (CINDERELLA nods)  Just how are you going
.         to call her?  You can’t speak.

(CINDER uses her hand to motion talking, then points

SLEEPING  You want me to call her?  But – I don’t
.         remember the words.  (CINDER thinks then starts
.          doing charade motions, holding up one finger.)
.         Oh, what, now you want to play a party game?
.         Make up your mind.  (CINDER stamps foot.)
.         Oh, you’re going to act out the magic words.
.         (CINDER holds up one finger firmly.)
.         Ah, okay, ONE!?  (CINDER does twinkle fingers.)
.         Jazz hands?  (CINDER shakes head & continues.)
.         Flutter?  Twinkle?...  Wiggle?
.         (CINDER shakes her head, then pulls her ear.)
.         Ear stretch.

(As CINDERELLA stamps her foot, PETER PAN jumps out.)

PETER     Oh! Cool! Party games! I LOVE games!

SLEEPING  Hey, you’re a child! - Why - aren’t you
.         with the other children?  Ah...
.                                                      46
PETER     Well technically, I’m over a hundred years old.

SLEEPING  Hey, so am I!  Except you still look
.         WAY younger.  Good job.
.         (CINDER twacks SLEEPING BEAUTY’S shoulder.)
.         Ah!  Oh, ah, okay, go on.

(CINDERELLA puts up one finger, then pulls and wiggles
her ear.  PETER PAN gets into the game.)

PETER     First word, sounds like – (CINDER shivers.)
.         Shiver.  (CINDER does her twinkle fingers.)
.         Shimmer!

(Nodding, CINDER uses index fingers to form a cross.)

PETER     Cross! Tee! – (getting it)  AND!

(CINDER puts a finger on her nose and points
to PETER who crows at SLEEPING who rolls her eyes.
CINDER throws her fingers up and out.)

PETER     Shine! - Shimmer and shine –

(CINDER nods and looks around.  Grabbing SLEEPING
she puts an arm around her shoulders and rests
her head on SLEEPING’S shoulder lovingly.)

PETER     Dear, sweet friend of mine.

(CINDER nods with excitement now.  Her fingers
now twinkle and fall on herself.)

PETER     Shower on me –

(CINDER throws out her hands and arms up to the side
and down again.)

PETER     Whatever - I so incline!

(CINDERELLA jumps up and down clapping her hands.

SLEEPING  This is why I hate games.  I’m terrible
.         at them.  How in the world did you get that?

(PETER PAN shrugs.  FAIRY GODMOTHER steps out          47
eating an apple.  SLEEPING BEAUTY quickly grabs
the apple away and hides it behind her back.)

FAIRY G   Hey, an apple a day keeps the doctor away-

SLEEPING  Snow White is in the vicinity.  Best if
.         she doesn’t see this.  She’s been extra
.         irritable lately.

FAIRY G   (looking around, then back to CINDER)
.         So you came to a ball wearing THAT?
.         You know you could have just asked me-
.         (CINDER motions to her mouth and shrugs big.)
.         Oh right.  So, you want your voice back again?
.         (CINDER gives her a “duh” look.)

SLEEPING  Duh! - I’m just translating.  Hey, I got one!

PETER     So you don’t need me anymore?

(CINDERELLA holds PETER there, nodding her head.)

FAIRY G   Oh, well, let’s see if I can remember –
.         Ah, it could have been “wiggidy-wack” – no.

(CINDERELLA grabs PETER’S face to look at her.
Meanwhile, SNOW WHITE has made her rounds and finishes
speaking with HUNTER who nods.  SNOW looks around and
puts up a finger as if to think.  Seeing the apple in
SLEEPING BEAUTY’S hand, she walks up from behind her and
takes it.  CINDERELLA just watches, with eyes wide.)

SNOW      An apple.  Thanks, I could use one right now.

SLEEPING  You hate apples.

FAIRY G   An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

SNOW      Exactly.  WHO likes being sick?  See you girls
.         later.  Later, when I will be the fairest
.         in the land once again.

(SNOW WHITE slinks back to HUNTER to show him the apple.
CINDER claps her hands to get everyone’s attention again
and motions for FAIRYGODMOTHER to continue.)

FAIRY G   Oh right, now where was I?                   48
.         Ah, “Rickety rack?”

(CINDERELLA holds up a finger to PETER PAN.)

PETER     First word –  (CINDER makes zigzag motions.)
.         Ziggedy-zag –

(CINDERELLA pretends to have a purse, then takes it off
her shoulder to look into it, then “spills” it all over
the floor.  She puts the “oops” fingers to her lips.)

PETER     I don’t know about that girl-stuff.

SLEEPING  Oh, DUMPING THE BAG!!!  Dumping the bag!
.         Yay!  I’m so getting better at this!

(CINDERELLA nods and gives an okay sign.)

FAIRY G   Ah, I remember now, “Ziggedy-zag, dumping
.         the bag, start again - to squabble and nag.”

(FAIRY GODMOTHER waves her wand and taps CINDERELLA.
CINDER slowly opens her mouth, then sighs and smiles.)

CINDER    AhIiii-can I talk?  I can talk!!!  Oh,
.         thank you.  And I’m going to try NOT to
.         squabble, nag OR gossip – anymore!
.         (hugs PETER)  THANK you. Thank you so much.

PETER     Ewww, blech!  Okay, no problems, really.
.         (once free from the hug, he waves
.          a “you’re welcome” and walks off.)

SLEEPING  I guess kids aren’t all bad.

CINDER    No, of course not.  By the way, where ARE
.         all the children?

SLEEPING  Oops, I mean, I don’t know, ah, maybe – ah –

CINDER    Never mind-never mind that.  Listen, I have
.         to tell you something very urgent!  Snow White
.         is up to something villainous. Very villainous!
.         We have to stop her.  But first, we must find
.         the king and all the princes.

(CINDER drags SLEEPING to stage right.  FAIRY          49
GODMOTHER points her wand at SNOW WHITE on the way out.)

FAIRY G   You owe me two apples now, young lady!

(SNOW at first rolls her eyes at FAIRY GODMOTHER then
turns back to HUNTER, putting a hand up to her chest,
almost swooning.)

SNOW      (to HUNTER)  Oh! Hear that?  She called me
.         “YOUNG” lady.  (quickly becomes sinister)
.         And, soon, it will be “the most FAIREST young
.         lady in the ENTIRE land!”  Now, take me to your
.         poison dealer like you promised.  You owe me.

HUNTER    As you wish, milady.  Follow me then.

(HUNTER leads SNOW WHITE across to stage left.  Wearing
a mask, QUEEN steps out from the shadows.  All VILLAINS
creep up and surround SNOW WHITE and the QUEEN.)

SNOW      Do you have it?  Do you have my poison?

QUEEN     Snow White.

SNOW      (gasping, suspicious)  How - did you know
.         my name?  Wait, who are you?  Show your face!

(QUEEN takes off mask and turns to look right
at SNOW WHITE, who then shrinks in fear.)

SNOW      It’s – it’s YOU! I should have known!
.         Who else would be selling poison!

(CINDERELLA now leads the way up to the group of VILLAINS
with KING, and PRINCE 1, 2, 3, following close behind.
FAIRY GODMOTHER and SLEEPING straggle behind them.)

CINDER    Stop!  We know what you’re doing!

QUEEN     You do?

KING      (to QUEEN)  My – my estranged wife!
.         It takes guts to come back here.
.         And do my ears deceive me, are you pushing
.         your poison on my daughter yet again?

CINDER    No, they were all planning to poison         50
.         Belle!

(BELLE steps forward with PRINCE 4.)

BELLE     What?!

P4        Someone better explain what’s going on here?

QUEEN     Actually, this is an intervention for
.         Snow White.

.         WHAT???

SNOW      A what?!  An intervention?

QUEEN     You can search me for poison if you like,
.         but you will not find any.  I have abstained
.         from all villainous deeds for some time now.
.         (to KING)  My support group here has encouraged
.         me to pursue reconciliation with you and
.         Snow White.  I realize, it will take a bit
.         before you can fully trust me again.
.         But for now, we are here to stop Snow White
.         from committing a very villainous act...
.         She was, just now, in the market – for poison.

(The KING, PRINCES and BELLE gasp.)

SNOW      (angrily)  It was - for MYSELF.

QUEEN     Yeees, it was completely selfish.  You intended
.         to give it to Belle, so YOU could be
.         the fairest in the land.

SNOW      You don’t understand – I used to be the
.         fairest – until –

QUEEN     Until - YOU became ME!  I understand
.         completely.

SNOW      What?!  Nooo!  How can you say that?!

.         (must sing or speak lyrics)

QUEEN     (sings)  I must apologize, for my actions.   51
.         There’s absolutely no excuse
.         for what I did to you.
.         It was my fault, my deeds, vanity, jealousy.
.         I beg forgiveness, I do.
.         I should have tried to be selfless and nurturing.
.         I should have been a caring step-mother.
.         I see now, we could have been a happy family.
.         We could have loved one another.
.         This is not for my sake, but for yours.
.         Please don’t become like me.
.         So please, forgive, move on,
.         stop hurting, don’t be lonely.
.         Forgive so you heart can heal.
.         Forgive so that it’s love you feel.

(QUEEN begins to just talk now [or continues talking])

QUEEN     I – we ALL – love you – and want you to have
.         a much happier life than we ever had.
.         Please – see what you are about to do –
.         and stop it before it even happens.

WENDY     When you refuse to forgive your villains,
.         you become bitter, and slowly become like them.

P1/snow   Snow White, listen to them.  You HAVE been –
.         miserable for quite some time now –
.         and now THIS!?  You ARE becoming – a villain.

(SNOW gasps and throws the apple off stage.  ALL duck.)

SNOW      You’re so right.  I’m so sorry.  How – how did
.         I ever get to this point?  (to BELLE)  Belle,
.         I’m so sorry for what I was intending to do.
.         I was just so jealous that you had a secret
.         potion to make you the fairest in the land,
.         and I didn’t.

BELLE     I don’t have a secret potion.

SNOW      You don’t?!  Then what is it?

BELLE     Well, the marriage seminar that we attended?
.         And we started going out on dates again.

(BELLE lovingly takes PRINCE 4’s arm.)
.                                                      52
P4/belle  We have been working on our marriage
.         a LOT lately.  You know, there really
.         isn’t a happily-ever-after unless you keep
.         working on selflessness, and –

BELLE     Understanding each other.

P4/belle  And forgiveness – it’s huge.

QUEEN     (to KING)  I would not be opposed to going
.         to a marriage seminar myself.  If –
.         if you want to give it another try?

KING      I could certainly think about it.  In fact,
.         a royal decree – kingdom marriage seminars
.         available to everyone.

(There are cheers from ALL except from SLEEPING & P2.)

P2/charm  What do you say, Sleeping Beauty?

SLEEPING  So you’re willing to admit that you’re upset?

P2/charm  WHHAAAT should I be upset about?

SLEEPING  Well, after fighting off all those thorns
.         and dragons just to find a huge mountain
.         to climb in order to reach my castle tower!
.         After all of that – all you got was just me!
.         A grouchy, tired, miserable me?

P2/charm  For whatever reason, your perception is
.         really off.

(WENDY clears her throat and pushes STARLIGHT forward.  
STARLIGHT sheepishly steps up to SLEEPING BEAUTY.)

STAR      Ah, hi, ah, Sleeping Beauty?  It’s kind of
.         my fault.  I mean, it IS my fault.

SLEEPING  Who are you?

STAR      We’ve never really met.  I am Starlight.
.         The 13th fairy, who put that villainous spell
.         on you.  I – I – feel very terrible, and I am
.         very, very sorry.  I hope you can forgive me.
.                                                      53
SLEEPING  You?  But why?  Why did you do it?

STAR      Your father invited the other twelve fairies
.         to your first birthday party, and he forgot
.         to invite me.

(ALL FEMALES nod with a groan knowingly.)

SLEEPING  Oooh! I remember my mom telling me about that.

QUEEN     Huh!  See?  Leave it to a man - to plan
.         a party and send out the invitations!

SLEEPING  Well, Mom was just furious that Dad forgot
.         about you.

STAR      Well, so was I.  So much so that I wanted
.         to take revenge for not being invited.  While
.         the other fairies gave you lovely gifts, I put
.         a terrible spell on you.  And, now, I realize
.         it was very - petty.  And I also realize that
.         the whole 100 year sleep-thing over the entire
.         kingdom may have been just a LITTLE excessive
.         and a bit of an over-reaction.


STAR      And I feel just terrible - just terrible
.         about it.

P2/charm  (to SLEEPING)  Yes, but dear, if it hadn’t been
.         for the spell, we would never have met.

SLEEPING  This is true.

(WENDY pokes STARLIGHT to go on.)

STAR      Oh, and I also had an old woman sell you
.         a magic feather pillow which would make you
.         not sleep well at night so you’d wake up tired
.         and grumpy the next morning.

SLEEPING  Really?!

STAR      Can you – pleeeaase - forgive ME?

(SLEEPING BEAUTY just stares angrily at STARLIGHT.     54

SNOW      Go ahead and forgive her or you will only
.         keep hurting yourself and those around you –
.         and eventually – you WILL become the very thing
.         that you despise.  I do speak from experience.

SLEEPING  Fine, I do forgive you.  I suppose I’m relieved
.         to hear that it wasn’t ALL me.  I mean, okay,
.         YOU caused the lousy lousy sleep, but –
.         (to P2)  I still need to take ownership for
.         the grouchy behavior.  Will you please
.         forgive ME for being a grouchy princess?

P2/charm  Forgive me for not being understanding.
.         I had no idea you felt THAT tired.

STAR      As an “I’m so sorry gift”, I will get you
.         a nice pillow.  One that doesn’t keep you awake
.         and one that doesn’t make you sleep too much.
.         I promise!


STEPMOM   Please forgive us, too?

STEPS 2   For being such villains to you?

STEPS 1   We were all very selfish –

STEPS 2   And very bossy –

STEPMOM   And very mean!

(CINDER hugs all of the STEPS.  Couples start to dance.)

MUSIC 24: “HAPPY ENDING SONG”  (must sing or speak lyrics)

CINDER    (sing)Yes I forgive you for all that you’ve done.
.         Meanwhile I've been playing the victim now,
PRINCESSES (sing) And becoming a villain, is not any fun.
.         Bitterness, envy, we should not allow.
ALL       (sing) So let love be the center of ev'ry heart.
.         Working together and doing our part.
.         Forgive and put away all of the strife,
.         So we can have a happy ever after kind of life.
.                                                      55
(MUSIC continues to play while most dance.  PETER PAN
steps out and offers to dance with villain WENDY.)

PETER     Say, could you help me do an intervention
.         for Captain Hook?

WENDY     We should talk.

(When the waltz music ends, everyone waves goodbye.
This is interrupted by the PIED PIPER
playing MUSIC 25 as he marches through
leading all the children across the stage from
stage left to right and exits.  EVERYONE stops to watch.)

PETER     Hey!  The children!

(PETER joins and follows the last child out,
music slowly fades in the back ground.
CINDERELLA looks at SLEEPING BEAUTY with suspicion.)

CINDER    Did you hire the Pied Piper to get rid
.         of all the children?

SLEEPING  Noooo! Yes! Oh! Oh! Wait! Come back.  I’ve made
.         a terrible mistake.  Forgive me – everyone!
.         Please forgive me.  I’m so sorry.
.         (runs after PIPER and CHILDREN yelling)
.         Come back!  Come back, children.  Pied Piper,
.         I’ve changed my mind.  Come back!

(ALL wave to the congregation then run off after
the CHILDREN as if to get them back.  MUSIC ends.)