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WE’RE OFF TO SEE... - (video eg.) written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC:       Christians don’t belong to this world,
.            salvation, seeking, guidance
SCRIPTURE:   Ps. 119:19; Is.58:11; John 17:16; Lk.11:9
Style:       satire/spoof of Wizard of Oz:  the entire
.            cast, found in a school cafeteria,
.            searches for something better.
Cast:        Mikey, Dorothy, Curt, Tim, Len, Glenda,
.            Wendy, Professor Oz.
Set & Props: school books, table, chairs, bag lunch

SCRIPT:

(MIKEY sits at table, studying and eating a sandwich.
CURT, TIM and LEN strut up carrying college schoolbooks.)

TIM     Check it out, Monkey has been trained to study.
.      (mocking)  Monkey studies hard.

CURT    (to Tim)  Have a heart, Tim.
.       I think YOU should be trained to study.

TIM     Speak for yourself, you’re the idiot.
.       Awwww, you’re right.  I DO need a heart.

CURT    And you’re right, Tim, I DO need a brain.
.       What are we going to do about it?

LEN     What ARE we going to do?  All the tables
.       in the cafeteria are taken.

TIM     (to MIKEY)  Yo, Monkey – Mikey!  Move.  Scram,
.       we need this table.  Aw – see – there I go AGAIN!

MIKEY   I’m almost done.  You can sit with me
.       if you want.

DOTTY   (approaching with long face)  Hi guys.

TIM     Hey, what’s up?  You look awful.  Aw – man!
.       Rude again!

CURT    You look sad, Dotty.

DOTTY   (sighs)  I don’t know.  Maybe –
.       I guess I don’t exactly feel like
.       I want be a part of Kansas anymore.
.                                                       2
LEN     What are we talking about Dotty?
.       Are you moving? – Are you going to run away!? –
.       OHHHH, you’re not considering – suicide –
.       are you?

DOTTY   I don’t know.  I guess I’m just thinking –
.       there must be more to life.  More beyond
.       the state of Kansas.  More beyond this planet.
.       There must be something – better – somewhere
.       over the rainbow.

CURT    Whoa.  Deep.  Too deep for me.
.       Where’s a brain when you need one?

TIM     (to DOTTY)  You’re not going to start singing,
.       are you?  If you burst into song right now,
.       I’ll want to kill myself.  (realizing)  Doi!

DOTTY   Shut up.  I’m serious.

LEN     You just shouldn’t talk that way,
.       you’re scaring us.

TIM     A pop tart jumping out of a toaster
.       scares the life out of you.
.       (to himself) Ah!  I just can’t help myself.
.       Rude-rude-rude!

LEN     Well, just the thought of – what lies beyond...
.       death and all.  Maybe it’s just all –
.       nothingness.  Ahhh, you’re right,
.       I am scared of everything.  Where in this world
.       can one get some courage?

(GLENDA walks in waving, smiling and throwing kisses to
everyone like she’s a pageant girl walking up a runway.)

GLENDA  Hello.  Hi. Hello everyone.

CURT    Hey Glenda.  You’re – looking pretty as always.

GLENDA  Thank you, Curt.  And I just want to thank
.       everyone else for THINKING that very same thing.

DOTTY   Speaking of thinking the same things, Glenda,
.       don’t YOU ever get the feeling like
.       you’re just not – HOME?

GLENDA  Oh of course, every time I’m not at home.
.                                                       3
DOTTY   That’s not really what I meant.

GLENDA  It’s important to have a home, you know.
.       There’s so many people who don’t have one,
.       and I just want to help everyone.

DOTTY   Well, I just feel like – I DON’T have a home –

GLENDA  But you have a home.  With two parents, even.
.       Did you know that most children –

DOTTY   Yeah-yeah-yeah, homeless and hurting –
.       I’m talking about the bigger picture.
.       Emotionally.  SPIRITUALLY!

(MIKEY perks up and begins to listen in.)

CURT    Man, that is deep.  If only I could reason out
.       the reasons.

LEN     Oh-oh, here comes the wicked witch of the
.       west coast.

(WENDY, a radical punk marches up to the group
and tries to get past.  Face to face with TIM,
she coolly stands her ground.)

WENDY   I can do this all day, dog, I’m not
.       going anywhere.

TIM     Oh no, please stay.  We LOVE your company.

WENDY   Be careful what you wish for.

LEN     (nervously)  Heh-heh-heh... Hey, there’s
.       Professor Oz.  He teaches philosophy, you know.
.       He should know.

(OZ walks by very piously.  He’s a little annoyed
at the interruption.)

DOTTY   Professor Oz?  I’m – we’re – wondering –
.       if there is more to life than this?
.       I mean, when we die, will we have
.       another home to go to?

OZ      It’ll be whatever you want it to be.
.       Just think about THAT.

DOTTY   Seriously?  That’s the best you could –         4
.       that’s all –

OZ      (offended)  What more do you want?

DOTTY   A reason.

TIM     A heart.

CURT    A brain.

LEN     Courage.

GLENDA  Lots of shoes and sparkly things.

(There’s a bit of a pause as OZ looks at WENDY.)

WENDY   (shrugging)  Power to survive.

OZ      Oh, well in that case –
.       (to WENDY)  You need to lift a few
.       more weights – and take a shower.
.       (to GLENDA)  You’re going to need
.       a LOT more money.

GLENDA  (smiling and chanting)  There’s no place
.       like Macey’s, there’s no place like Macey’s –

OZ      (to LEN)  You just need some pride.
.       (to CURT)  You need to – well you just
.       need to study more, boy.
.       (to Tim)  Why don’t you just try being nicer?
.       (to DOTTY)  And, you just need to find
.       either a great job or a good husband
.       and have lots of kids.

DOTTY   This is your advice for the afterlife?

OZ      What can I say, it’s that simple.

DOTTY   That doesn’t even make any sense.

MIKEY   Ah, excuse me, I can answer your questions.

OZ      YOU?  And just how many degrees might you have,
.       young man?

CURT    He does study a lot.

MIKEY   I’ve studied the Bible a lot.
.                                                       5
OZ      The Bible!  That’s just a bunch of
.       outdated rhetoric.

MIKEY   And all your cherished Greek philosophy books
.       aren’t?  It’s not that I can help,
.       but I can say– from personal experience,
.       it’s GOD Who can help all of you.

OZ      I don’t need any help.

MIKEY   (to OZ)  To approach God, you would need
.       humility, and He would guide you in real truth.
.       (to LEN)  You only need to fear God, and in God,
.       you have no need to fear anything.
.       (to CURT)  Ask God for wisdom, and God
.       will give that to you abundantly.
.       (to TIM)  God is love.  To know God,
.       is to know and HAVE love.

GLENDA  I’m already perfect, and desire woooorrrld peace–

MIKEY   Nobody is perfect, and everybody needs God.
.       He can forgive you of all your sins, and you
.       can have true joy, peace and contentment.
.       Then having shoes and shiny things won’t matter.

WENDY   I’m beyond hope.  The things I’ve done are
.       too horrendous for God to handle.

MIKEY   God is all-powerful.  He can save everybody,
.       and what’s more – WANTS to.  God cares about you,
.       Wendy.  And God can give you hope and security.
.       (to DOTTY)  God wants to be your Heavenly Father,
.       and have you be part of His family.  He would
.       prepare a perfect Heavenly home for you
.       for all eternity.  And – He has designed you
.       with a purpose.  Everyone has purpose.
.       (to ALL)  Anyway, food for thought.
.       If you’re still hungry, you can find all that
.       and more in the Bible... See you around.
.       (gathers books and leaves)

OZ      Funny little guy.

(DOTTY starts to go.)

CURT    Where are you going?

DOTTY   Going to find a Bible so I can find my way home.