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MENTOR... ISH – written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC:        older women teaching the younger women
SCRIPTURE:    Prov.9:10, 9:13, 11:22, 14:1, 31:10-31;
.             Eph.5:22-24; Col.3:18, Titus2:3-5
Style:        spoof on movies geared for men:
.             an older woman goes over to the house
.             of a younger woman to mentor and help
.             get her and her house back into shape
Cast:         MAGGIE, KENDRA
Set & Props:  
ON THE SET RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING:
.             sofa, coffee table, Bible, bulky sweater,
.             laundry basket, lots of clothing,
.             empty bag of chips...
BEHIND THE SOFA OR OUT OF SIGHT BUT VERY ACCESSIBLE:
.             vacuum cleaner or mop, sweatband, mirror,
.             green health drink, vase with flowers

SCRIPT:

(Wearing a bulky ugly sweater, with major bedhead,
KENDRA is, like, passed out on the sofa.  
Chip bag near her face.  A neglected laundry basket
lies to the side, while scattered everywhere,
the dirty laundry even partially covers KENDRA
and the Bible which sits on the coffee table.
MAGGIE enters and looks around, calling out...)

MEGGIE   Kendra!  Kendra?...  Do I need
.        to send out a search party?

(KENDRA moans from the sofa.  MAGGIE looks over,
then lightly kicks the sofa.)

MAGGIE   Kendra?  To your feet, soldier.

(KENDRA lifts only an arm to feel for her face.  
She removes a dirty sock from her head,
while slightly raising her head and smacking her lips
like her mouth might be gross.  Looking around,
she sees the chip bag, and squints into it.  
Finding it empty, she wearily tosses it behind the sofa.  
She finally realizes that MAGGIE is standing there –
waiting.)
.                                                      2
KENDRA   Maggie.  My marriage is a mess.

MAGGIE   Is that it?...  So, why don’t you
.        do something about it?

KENDRA   I’ve tried.  I’ve told him what
.        he needs to do, but he refuses to change.

(MAGGIE grabs KENDRA’S feet to swing them over
to the floor, so they can both sit on the sofa.  
MAGGIE remains very slouchy which looks
really uncomfortable, but she doesn’t care.)

MAGGIE   I meant, YOU should do something about it.
.        Are YOU ready to change?

KENDRA   Why?  So he’ll have it good and maybe -
.        JUST MAYBE - be inspired to change?
.        I don’t think so!  He’s not going to change
.        no matter what.  So, I refuse!
.        I refuse to be the doormat!!

MAGGIE   So you’ve just given up?  Sounds like
.        you’re already the doormat!
.        You just said you didn’t want that.
.        Do you really want that?!

KENRA    (sitting up)  No!  No, I do not want that.

MAGGIE   Do you want to hear the truth?

KENDRA   (yelling)  I - cannot - handle the truth!

MAGGIE   You really need to hear the truth!

(After heavy breathing, and settling down,
KENDRA seethes out a quiet but gritty...)

KENDRA   (Clint Eastwood-like)  Well okay then!

MAGGIE   (totally calm now, but still intense)
.        Serving others with love and not expecting
.        anything in return.  Does that sound easy?

KENDRA   (emphatically)  Does NOT sound easy.

MAGGIE   It takes a lot of strength –                   3
.        a lot of God’s strength.
.        (suddenly loud again, like a drill sergeant)
.        Do you want to get strong?!

KENDRA   I really want to get strong!

MAGGIE   I couldn’t hear you!

KENDRA   Let’s get strong!

MAGGIE   Then, let’s go!

KENDRA   Let’s do this!

(Here you can play some kind of music
with a psyching up kind of beat.)

(As KENDRA lifts an armful of laundry
to put into the laundry basket, MAGGIE coaches...)

MAGGIE   Lift!

(KENDRA lifts another armful of laundry...)

MAGGIE   Lift!

(KENDRA struggles to lift up the laundry basket...)

MAGGIE   Lift!  You can do this!

(As KENDRA places the laundry basket behind the sofa/or
out of sight and gets out the vacuum cleaner or mop...
MAGGIE opens Bible and reads Proverbs 9:10 [NASB]...)

MAGGIE   “The fear of the Lord is the beginning
.        of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One
.        is understanding.”

KENDRA   Yes, my mentor-one!

(As KENDRA moves the vacuum or mop forward and back,
she uses one leg to lunge, MAGGIE coaches...)

MAGGIE   Lunge!

(KENDRA lunges again...)
.                                                      4
MAGGIE   Lunge!

(As KENDRA returns vacuum/mop, she gets out a sweatband
and ties it around her forehead while MAGGIE reads
1 Corinthians 9:24 [NASB]...)

MAGGIE   “Do you not know that those who run in a race
.        all run, but only one receives the prize?
.        RUN in such a way that you may win.”

KENDRA   Yes, my mentor-one!

(As KENDRA runs on the spot, face contorted from trying,
MAGGIE reads Isaiah 40:31 [NASB]...)

MAGGIE   “Yet those who wait for the Lord
.        will gain new strength;
.        they will mount up with wings like eagles,
.        they will run and not get tired,
.        they will walk and not become weary.

(While KENDRA continues to run, and while MAGGIE
is reading, MAGGIE goes behind sofa/or wherever
and pulls out a greenish health drink to hand to KENDRA.
KENDRA stops running.  Panting she looks at the drink,
pausing in a repulsed expression.  It is now silent,
both frozen in a draw - as MAGGIE stares intensely
at KENDRA.  Finally KENDRA growls, grabs the drink
and chug-a-lugs it down.  Repulsed, KENDRA growls again,
as MAGGIE returns the glass and grabs a mirror,
about 18 x 18 inches at least.  MAGGIE holds the mirror
up in front of KENDRA.  KENDRA yells at her own image.)

KENDRA   (angrily)  YOU LOOKING AT ME?!!!
.        ARE YOU REALLY LOOKING AT ME?!!!

MAGGIE   Nnn-oooooo.

(KENDRA takes off her sweatband and throws it behind
the sofa, then looks back at the mirror.)

KENDRA   (sarcastically, ghetto-waving her finger)
.        Oh, like- are you, like-looking ME?
.        You are SO not looking me,
.        ‘cause I’m SOOO, like- looking at you.
.        (ends with the finger-eye point-thing)

MAGGIE   Oh snap.

(KENDRA fixes her hair but starts to cry pitifully,
and pouts at the mirror.)

KENDRA   (whinny-like)  Why aren’t you looking at me?
.        (sob-sob-sob)  You never look at me.
.        (sob-sob-sob)  Don’t you want to look at me?

MAGGIE   Naw-ah?

(KENDRA takes off the bulky sweater and throws it
behind sofa then composed, looks back at herself,
very lovingly, sincere and tender-like.)

KENDRA   I love it when you look at me.
.        But, enough about me...

MAGGIE   Yes!

(Nodding, MAGGIE returns the mirror and pulls out
the vase of flowers.  KENDRA happily takes those
and places it onto the coffee table as MAGGIE reads
the first part of Proverbs 14:1 [NSAB]...)

MAGGIE   “The wise woman builds her house!”

(As KENDRA takes the Bible from MAGGIE to place
on the coffee table beside the flowers...)

KENDRA   So true, my mentor-one!

(KENDRA and MAGGIE turn to each other to hold hands
and bow heads in a quick prayer...)

K & M    Amen!

(KENDRA and MAGGIE lightly do a double-fist-pump,
then MAGGIE exits the way she came, and
KENDRA exits happily in the other direction.)