. all rights belong to Tanis Harms –
. refer to www.church-skits.com
MARTHA NEWHEART LIVING – written by Tanis Harms
SCRIPTURE: Prv.25:6-7; Mt.22:2-14; Lk.14:7-24;
. 1Cor.7:33, 13:3; Jms.4:10
Style: satire/conversation: Martha Newheart
. gives advice on how to plan a banquet,
. and how to be a good host
. as well as be a good guest
Cast: MARTHA NEWHEART (try to be as close
. to Martha Stewart as possible, who
. talks with a fairly tightly closed jaw,
. and really emphasizes her “r”s and “t”s
. while meticulously enunciating
. using a fairly low voice)
Set & Props: Bible, guest list, invitation, pen,
. hostess gift, place card, small table
(MARTHA enters and smiles shyly.)
MARTHA Good morning. If you do not know me already,
. I am Martha Newheart. In the past,
. my reputation has been built on planning,
. preparing and hosting lavish parties
. for many famous and important people.
. But after realizing that I needed a new – heart,
. my approach to everyday living needed to change-
(MARTHA leans forward to make her point.)
MARTHA therefore my approach towards banquet etiquette
. has most certainly changed.
(MARTHA stands up straight again, and holds up a Bible.)
MARTHA When planning any event, whether it is
. a luncheon, a dinner, or a party,
. it is good idea to be organized and prepared.
. But more importantly, a good host
. will prepare everything with love.
. For helpful tips and excellent advice,
. I recommend this book right here.
(MARTHA sets the Bible down.) 2
MARTHA In order to prepare a successful function,
. consider the guest list
. to be a very important aspect.
(MARTHA can hold up a guest list written out already.)
MARTHA A well thought out guest list will include
. the poor, crippled, lame, and the blind.
. Do not just invite people
. you think will do favors for you.
. A good host will NEVER invite guests
. and expect something in return.
(MARTHA puts list down.)
MARTHA And whether guests bring a hostess gift or not,
. a good host will always be generous
. and hospitable to EVERYONE.
(MARTHA leans forward to emphasize...)
MARTHA Everything - should be done with love...
(MARTHA can hold up a tiny invitation,
maybe pulling it out of its little envelope.)
MARTHA EVEN - when YOU are the guest.
. When receiving an invitation to a function,
. give careful consideration.
. Avoid such frivolous excuses not to attend,
. such as telling the host
. that - you just bought a pet, or -
. that you are too busy with work.
. Everyone needs to eat sometime;
. therefore you cannot be playing
. or working all of the time.
. Having good relationships with people
. is a very important part of life.
. Remember, if you keep finding reasons not to go,
. very soon you will no longer
. be invited to such functions.
. A good guest will try their very best to attend,
. and RSVP in a timely fashion.
(MARTHA can check off the invitation and put it down.)
MARTHA And, unless the invitation specifies
. that it is a “come-and-go” sort of event,
. it is good etiquette to arrive on time,
. especially if there is a dinner planned.
. It’s very rude to keep everyone waiting.
. And not only that, but arriving late
. makes the statement that you believe –
. you are more important than the host
. and all the guests put together.
(MARTHA can hold up a tiny hostess gift,
like a box of chocolates or flowers...)
MARTHA Now, even though you should not expect
. a hostess gift when inviting people over,
. it is still very thoughtful
. to BRING a hostess gift.
. It does not have to extravagant at all.
. Whatever you can afford, is fine.
(MARTHA sets the gift down.)
MARTHA Being a guest to someone’s function
. should demonstrate your love
. for not only the host,
. but everyone else who is invited.
. If you really care about the host,
. then you will care about each
. and every guest the host invites.
. With that being said,
. there are certain circumstances
. that can arise at a function which,
. if you are not careful,
. can turn into an awkward situation very quickly.
. Determining where one should sit
. can be a critical decision.
(MARTHA can hold up a place card with a name on it.)
MARTHA Although a good idea,
. not every host puts out place cards.
. If you should find yourself at a party
. where there are no place cards,
. remember that everyone invited
. is just as important as you are.
. Never assume that you are a guest of honor.
(MARTHA sets the place card down.)
MARTHA It would be most embarrassing
. to take a place of honor,
. and then be asked to move.
. It would be better to sit toward the back.
. Then, if the host notices
. and wants you to sit closer –
. allow the host to call you over
. and direct you to another chair.
. Otherwise, if you find yourself
. staying in the background,
. a good guest will be content
. and make the most of things
. no matter where you are sitting –
. making those around you feel comfortable,
. accepted, appreciated – and loved.
. Good banquette etiquette is to NEVER complain,
. but ALWAYS be grateful, generous and pleasant.
(MARTHA leans forward to make a point.)
MARTHA And remember, whether PLANNING an event
. or GOING to an event,
. everything is better when done with love.