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KING SAUL  - written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC:       pride, power, righteousness, justice
SCRIPTURE:   1 Sam.8:1 - 2 Sam. 2:10
Style:       satire/spoof on Law & Order:  police
.            investigate the murder of King Saul and
.            find that it was a righteous kill
Cast:        Police Detectives 1 & 2, Friend of Samuel,
.            Saul’s Son, David, Servant,
.            Narrator (done in the style of Law & Order)
Set & Props: 2 paper pads and 2 pens, 2 badges, crown

SCRIPT:

NARRATOR  In the newly royal-run system,
.         murderous offenses are considered
.         especially heinous.  In the country of Israel,
.         the dedicated authorities who investigate
.         these sins are members of an elite squad,
.         who still remain unknown –
.         these - are their stories. CA-CHING!

(POLICE 1 & 2 walk in and look down to the side,
studying something.)

POLICE 1  What do we have here?

POLICE 2  King Saul.  He has a few arrow wounds,
.         but I’d say by the large sword in his chest,
.         he died due to this large puncture wound.

POLICE 1  This did happen in the middle of a battle field.

POLICE 2  But was it - a righteous killing?

POLICE 1  We’ll have to follow the money,
.         or in this case, the line of power.

NARRATOR  CA-CHING!

(POLICE cross the stage and write on their pads of paper.)

POLICE 2  This is the home of Samuel’s old friend.
.         If anyone can give us King Saul’s background,
.         it’s him.  He may even be a suspect.
.                                                          2
POLICE 1  There’d be motive.  Prophets used to run things,
.         until their power was taken away...
.         first by the judges, now the kings.

(FRIEND walks up.  POLICE 2 holds up his/her badge.)

POLICE 2  You’re the friend of the prophet Samuel?

POLICE 1  Could you tell us about Samuel’s involvement
.         with the deceased?

FRIEND    Well, there was never supposed to be a king,
.         but the people of Israel really wanted one.
.         God explained to Samuel that
.         the people weren’t rejecting him as their leader –
.         they were really rejecting God.
.         They just wanted to be like
.         all the other countries, even if it meant
.         having to work harder and pay more taxes.

POLICE 2  Would you say that the prophets could benefit
.         from Saul’s death?

FRIEND    Hardly.  Another king will just take his place.

POLICE 2  What about Samuel’s sons?

FRIEND    His sons were good-for-nothing judges
.         who perverted justice.  The people refused
.         to put up with that.  God ultimately
.         has all the power anyway.  A true prophet
.         takes all their direction from God.

POLICE 2  Think Saul made a good king?

FRIEND    Saul was from the Benjamites,
.         the smallest tribe in Israel.
.         Started out as a humble guy, led by God.
.         The people respected and feared him well enough.
.         But sadly, the power went to his head.
.         Pride took over, and Saul started doing things
.         without consulting God or the prophet Samuel.
.         Kind of lost it, if you ask me.
.         Fortunately his son, Jonathan, won a few battles
.         despite all this, but it was tough going.

POLICE 2  Okay, thanks. (turning to Police 1)             3
.         We need to question the son.

POLICE 1  Ah, he also died in battle,
.         along with two others.  But there is
.         at least one son who’s still alive.

NARRATOR  CA-CHING.

(FRIEND leaves and SON enters.  POLICE 1 holds up badge.)

POLICE 1  Ish-Bosheth, son of Saul?

SON       Yeah, and that’s King Ish-Bosheth to you.

POLICE 1  Quite right.  And sorry for your loss,
.         by the way.  Although you don’t look
.         too torn up about it.

SON       Hey, it was Abner’s idea to bring me here
.         and make me king.  Believe me,
.         I could have done without the headache.

POLICE 1  You mean, the headache of all this power
.         you just acquired?

SON       Trust me, I’m more the “yes-man” type.

POLICE 2  We need to ask a few questions.  What kind
.         of relationship did you have with your father?

SON       Me?  Not bad, I guess.

POLICE 2  What about home-life in general.

SON       Well, I have to be honest, it was tense at times.
.         Dad once was going to have Jonathan killed
.         just for eating honey.  Jonathan had no idea
.         that Dad had made an oath for him
.         and all the soldiers - not to eat anything
.         that day until he got his revenge.  Fortunately
.         the men convinced Dad to change his mind.
.         But then, after prophet Samuel told Dad
.         that God had rejected him as king –
.         his anger went way out of control.
.         Especially after Samuel anointed David
.         to be the next king.
.                                                          4
POLICE 2  So your father had anger-management issues.

SON       Didn't help that David started winning
.         more and more battles.  Put Dad to shame.
.         Dad would fly into these jealous rages –
.         the he’d try to kill him – stuff like that.

POLICE 1  You mean he’d try to kill David?

SON       That’s right.  David eventually went into hiding.

POLICE 1  Any idea where to find David?

SON       Abner, my army commander, might know.

NARRATOR  CA-CHING.

(SON exits.  ABNER walks in.  Both POLICE 1 & 2
hold up badges.)

POLICE 2  Abner, commander of the king’s army?

POLICE 1  Tell us, what you would gain
.         from King Saul’s death?

ABNER     Why don’t you tell me?

POLICE 1  How about the opportunity to hand pick
.         the next king – let’s just say –
.         a young king you could easily manipulate.
.         This would give you a lot more power.

ABNER     Didn’t kill King Saul, but I saw the whole thing.

POLICE 1  Why didn’t you report this?

ABNER     No one asked me.

POLICE 2  Well, we’re asking you now.  Was it David?

ABNER     Noooo.  But David would have had just cause.
.         Saul was determined to kill David.  Saul had us
.         chasing David all around the countryside.  Twice,
.         David had the opportunity to take out Saul –
.         never had the guts.  David’s excuse always was –
.         "he would never harm the Lord’s anointed."
.                                                          5
POLICE 1  I don’t see that as an excuse, but whatever.
.         Do have any idea where David is now?

ABNER     Once David fled into the land of the Philistines,
.         Saul gave up the chase.  Never saw David again.

POLICE 2  So what happened?

ABNER     The battle is what happened.
.         Saul had to focus on that instead.
.         The Philistines attacked Israel and concentrated
.         their efforts on King Saul and his sons.
.         They killed three of the sons and wounded Saul.
.         As they were closing in, real fast, so
.         Saul asked his armor-bearer to help –
.         ah, “do him in.”

POLICE 2  An assisted suicide?  Are you sure?

ABNER     He didn’t stand a chance.  I couldn’t get to him.
.         Too much battle-action going on all around me.
.         The armor-bearer made it out, though.
.         I have a sneaking suspicion he ran off
.         to find David.

NARRATOR  CA-CHING.

(ABNER leaves.  DAVID walks on.  POLICE 1 shows badge.)

POLICE 1  David?  King David?
.         YOU'RE a hard man to find.

DAVID     I’ve been busy.

POLICE 2  You mean, on the run.

DAVID     I have a lot of enemies.

POLICE 2  Tell me, one of those enemies happened
.         to be King Saul?

DAVID     He had some issues with me,
.         but I tried not to take it personally.
.         I respected his position as king.
.         He had been God's anointed after all.

POLICE 2  Even though you also were anointed as king       6
.         and rightly had that position?

POLICE 1  Maybe you got tired of waiting for Saul to die
.         so you could take the throne and the power?

DAVID     Not really.  I fully trusted that when
.         it was my time, God would provide the way.
.         Ultimately, God has all the power.

POLICE 1  But you had motive, you had opportunity –

DAVID     Oh, I had opportunity.  Several times.

POLICE 2  So we heard.  But you could have hired a hit man –
.         let’s say - a certain armor-bearer?

DAVID     Ah, King Saul’s armor-bearer.
.         He came to tell me that King Saul was dead,
.         and that he had helped kill Saul.

POLICE 2  Where is this armor-bearer now?

DAVID     I had to execute him.  No one has the right
.         to kill the Lord’s anointed.

POLICE 1  (to Police 2)  Can he just do that?

POLICE 2  That would be a righteous kill.
.         And, not only is he king,
.         but he is a king who follows and obeys God.

POLICE 1  Well, case closed, then.
.         Saul's armor-bearer was the murderer.
.         And by David's hand, righteous-justice
.         has been serviced.

(POLICE snap their notebooks shut and exit.)