. all rights belong to Tanis Harms –
. refer to www.church-skits.com
JOSEPH THE DREAMER IS GONE – written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC: God’s purpose
SCRIPTURE: Genesis 37-47, Romans 8:28
Style: comedy/conversation: spoof on CSI,
. crime scene investigators figure out
. what happened to Joseph
Cast: CHIEF (who always speaks very cryptically),
. MICK, LAB GUY, MARIANNE FERNTREE,
. RUEBEN, JACOB, POTIPHAR, JOSEPH
Set & Props: colorful coat with “blood”, flowing coat
. (dried juice stains could work)
(CHIEF enters from stage right carrying a bloody coat.
MICK enters from stage left.)
MICK Hey, chief.
CHIEF Mick, find anything - out there?
MICK Just a slaughtered goat.
CHIEF Could have been - someone’s supper.
MICK So is that the evidence?
(MICK goes over to study the bloody coat a bit.)
CHIEF They’re saying they just - found this coat -
. lying in the fields. Did you find –
. anything else at the scene?
MICK Just some deep hole. So, other than
. the deep hole and the slaughtered goat,
. this is the only piece of evidence.
CHIEF So there’s only one question - was this
. the scene of an accident, - or the scene –
. of a crime?
LAB GUY (singing loudly from off stage)
. WHERE are you? WHERE – WHERE? WHERE-WHERE!
CHIEF What - or - who - was that? 2
MICK Oh, that’s just Lab Guy.
CHIEF I wonder - where does he - get this stuff?
MICK I don’t know. He’s kind of weird.
CHIEF Well, weird or not - he knows – his stuff.
. Let’s get him to take - a closer look
. at this coat – shall we?
MICK (calling out) Yo! Lab Guy!
(LAB GUY comes jiving out from stage left.)
LAB GUY You call? Hey, chief.
CHIEF Yes, would you - take a look at this coat -
. and tell us - what you see? What exactly –
. is this stuff?
(While CHIEF is still talking, LAB GUY takes a very close
look at the coat.)
LAB GUY Looks like blood, but this will have to be
(LAB GUY smells it, then puts a finger to the coat and
tastes the tip of his finger.)
LAB GUY Definitely blood, all-right.
CHIEF But is it - human blood?
LAB GUY That I cannot tell you. Maybe someday
. they’ll have fancy-schmancy tests for that,
. but for now, all I can say is – that is blood.
MICK What about these fibers, can you tell us
. anything from the fibers on the coat?
LAB GUY (studying coat very closely) These fibers
. definitely come from the finest quality
. material. And nothing from around these parts.
. I’d say, this material was probably imported.
CHIEF So... the very best, you say? 3
LAB GUY Something else you need to see. Look closely.
. See how many colors there are?
CHIEF Yeah, but does that - mean anything?
LAB GUY Dyes for cloth cost money. Especially the
. color purple, usually associated with royalty,
. because, well, they’re the only ones
. who can afford it. (unfolds the coat to show)
. AND, look at the cut and style - we’re talking–
. some high quality stuff here.
. The very latest in city fashion.
. NOT your ordinary run-of-the-mill desert-wear.
MICK So there’s no doubt this belonged to someone
. of wealth or importance.
CHIEF Hm! Or someone - who is very - spoiled.
. Thank you – Lab Guy.
(LAB GUY exits stage left.)
MICK Nobody just leaves behind their expensive coat
. like this.
CHIEF The question to ask is - why aren’t
. the brothers of the victim – also wearing coats
. like this one?
MICK You’re suspecting that the missing brother,
. is the favored son?
CHIEF Nothing good - has ever come - from playing
. favorites - among siblings. Let’s see -
. what the brothers have to say – shall we?
MICK (yelling to offstage) Ah, could one
. of the brothers come out here?
(RUEBEN enters sheepishly from stage right.)
CHIEF And – which brother – are you?
RUEBEN Rueben, the oldest of the brothers.
CHIEF The oldest, huh? 4
RUEBEN Meaning – the responsible one. If anything,
. I’m the one who tried protecting Joseph.
CHIEF Protecting Joseph – from the other – brothers?
RUEBEN Why are you bothering to look into this?
. It was an accident. He was probably eaten
. by wolves... and vultures. Or both.
. The dreamer is gone.
CHIEF You said - the dreamer? Why did you call him –
. the dreamer?
CHIEF You just called your brother, Joseph –
. the dreamer.
RUEBEN Well, ‘cause he always had these dreams.
CHIEF It was more – the WAY you said it.
MICK What kind of dreams would he have?
RUEBEN Does it matter?
CHIEF Maybe? - Maybe not.
MICK So, what were these dreams?
RUEBEN They were crazy, man! Dreams about our
. wheat stacks bowing down to his wheat stack.
. You know, like we were going to bow down
. to HIM? Yeah-right! And then another one
. was where the sun, moon and eleven stars
. were all bowing down to him. Like
. he’s going to reign over us? No way!
CHIEF Interesting. I bet that really - bothered you.
RUEBEN (gasping) Whatever.
MICK Yeah, whatever. I mean, if my brother
. had that kind of dream, I’d just laugh it off.
CHIEF So when did you - see him last? 5
MICK Your father said that he sent Joseph out
. to find you, to see that you and the flocks
. were all okay.
RUEBEN Yeah-right. More like, to snitch on us.
CHIEF Would he – would he snitch - on - all of you?
. I bet that really - bothered you.
REUBEN Whatever. He was just the baby of the family.
. Just a spoiled brat.
CHIEF Who got – the best clothes – and –
. didn’t have to work... Was he your father’s –
. favorite? I bet that really – bothered you.
REUBEN I don’t’ know.
CHIEF You don’t seem to know – very much.
MICK So did you see him at all? There was a witness
. who saw Joseph looking for you in Shechem.
. This witness then told Joseph that you had
. moved on to Dothan. As far as we know,
. that was the last person to see Joseph.
REUBEN Hm, wow, it must have happened in between
. those two places then. Or maybe this so-called
. witness did something to him.
MICK There isn’t any motive. But it appears there
. was plenty of motive for you and your brothers
. to do something.
REUBEN Whatever. But like we keep saying, we just –
. found Joseph’s coat – in the wilderness –
. all covered in his blood –
MICK Is this the coat? (holds out the coat)
REUBEN (hardly glances at the coat, speaks jealously)
. Yes, that’s the one.
(CHIEF notes the jealous behavior of RUEBEN and
CHIEF (notes jealous behavior of RUEBEN)
. Thank you - Rueben – that will be all –
. for now. But - I’d like to question –
. your father – please.
(REUBEN quickly exits stage right and JACOB enters,
CHIEF Hi – and sorry – for your loss - Mr. – Jacob –
JACOB Thank you. And my name is Israel now.
MICK You, ah, got married?
JACOB God changed my name from Jacob to Israel.
MICK Interesting, but I suppose there’s no
. questioning that – if it came from God.
CHIEF I would say – not. But – from this new
. information given - could you tell us –
. does God favor you - in any special way then?
JACOB God has blessed me, immensely, yes.
CHIEF So you are – very wealthy?
JACOB One could say that, yes.
CHIEF Well – this may be very painful for you, but –
. we need you to verify something for us.
MICK (holds out coat) Do you at all recognize this?
(JACOB quickly glances at coat as MICK holds it out.
JACOB then quickly looks away, pained by the sight.)
JACOB Yes! That is Joseph’s coat. (stifles sobs)
. You WILL find the ones who did this, won’t you?
MICK Your other sons keep saying it was
. a wild beast.
(JACOB stifle another deep sob. MICK looks at CHIEF
CHIEF Well, Mr. Jacob – Israel... I promise you – 7
. we will find those people - or those
. wild beasts – and bring them – to justice.
JACOB I really appreciate this. We can’t just let -
. wild beasts run our land like this.
(As JACOB exits stage right, MICK leans over to CHIEF.)
MICK (aside) Are you buying any of this?
CHIEF The father is definitely – buying this.
. We will have to let the evidence – speak –
. for itself.
MICK Yo! Lab Guy!
(LAB GUY enters again from stage left.)
CHIEF Could you take another look at this?
. Maybe you missed something.
LAB GUY Ah, and what exactly am I looking for
. this time?
CHIEF The brothers claim - that a wild beast –
. killed the victim.
(LAB GUY takes the coat fully in his hands and
studies it again with a deep sigh.)
LAB GUY Well, if it WAS a wild beast, it was
. a very neat one.
CHIEF Hmph! So what is the evidence saying –
. Lab Guy?
LAB GUY This jacket does not have any tears in it.
CHIEF So what you’re saying – is – if our victim
. was attacked – by wild beasts–
LAB GUY (impatiently) There would be a lot of tears
. in it. Probably be all ripped up. Shredded.
MICK Maybe he took the jacket off, and then
. the beast got him.
CHIEF But then, why - is there blood? Let us -
. do a reenactment. Mick - you be Joseph,
. LAB GUY - you – be-
LAB GUY (interrupting) Why am I always the beast?
CHIEF Okay, so, Mick, you take off - your coat.
. And now –
(LAB GUY growls and circles MICK. MICK uses the coat
to scare LAB GUY away.)
MICK Get away – you beast. Get – Shoo!
CHIEF Maybe - the beast was a little - sneakier.
LAB GUY Ohhhh, with more of a surprise attack?
CHIEF Try it again.
LAB GUY Beast attack!
CHIEF So it - MAY have gone down that way.
LAB GUY So where are the bones? There isn’t a beast
. in this wilderness who will also eat the bones.
MICK Maybe wild dogs took them away.
LAB GUY Maybe.
CHIEF So - the evidence – is inconclusive. It could
. have been a wild beast – or foul play.
MICK We should send MARIANNE FERNTREE back out into
. the field. Maybe she can find more witnesses.
CHIEF That’s – a good idea, Mick - even though
. I should have had that line. Meanwhile,
. we can work - on some other cases. Anything?
MICK (talk while heading for the exit)
. A man named Judah needs to locate his
. seal and a cord.
(as CHIEF, MICK and LAB GUY exit stage left.
MARIANNE FERNTREE enters from stage right.)
MARIANNE Chief! I’m back.
(MICK, then CHIEF and LAB GUY re-enter from stage left.)
MICK Chief, Marianne Ferntree is back.
. That only took you – fourteen years!
MARIANNE Yeah-yeah – you try tracking down nomadic
. salesmen on camels.
CHIEF Were you able to – follow - the money?
MARIANNE I did. Since the brothers were seen flaunting
. 20 shekels of silver, I found some Ishmaelites
. who like to deal with this currency. And
. there’s more – these men had just bought
. a young man from the Canaan area –
. for - get this – 20 shekels of silver.
CHIEF Did you find this young man in their
MARIANNA No. Almost immediately, fourteen years ago,
. they had brought him to Egypt where they
. sold him. He would be about 30 years old now.
CHIEF Did they give you a description – of this –
. young man?
MARIANNA The young man definitely matches the
. description of our victim: he had been about
. 17 years old. Not wearing a coat.
. Went by the name, Joseph.
CHIEF Sounds like a lead. Are you sure?
MARIANNA Yes, apparently they were coming from Gilead,
. on their way to Egypt and ran into a bunch
. of guys out in the fields who sold them
. this young man.
CHIEF And they only got 20 shekels of silver 10
. for him. They could have gotten more
. for the coat.
LAB GUY As far as slaves go - they were ripped off.
CHIEF Not if the young man was scrawny. Remember –
. our victim - was spoiled.
MICK Should we go tell the father - and bring
. all the brothers in for questioning?
CHIEF Not - without proof. And let’s not raise
. the hopes of the father – just yet.
MARIANNE So we’re on our way to Egypt?
CHIEF Did you get the name of the person –
. who bought the alleged - victim?
MARIANNE Yes, Potiphar - an officer of Pharaoh -
. apparently captain of the bodyguard.
(They speak as they exit stage right.)
CHIEF To Egypt – we go.
MICK Do we have jurisdiction there?
CHIEF We’ll soon – find out.
(CHIEF, MICK and MARIANNE re-enter stage right.)
MICK THAT was a long camel ride!
MARIANNE Try doing that twice in a row!
(POTIPHAR enters stage left and approaches the group.)
POTIPHAR I’ve been told you wish to – question me?
. I’m a busy man, could you make this quick?
CHIEF We are looking for a young man –
. named Joseph.
POTIPHAR I – maaay know someone by that name.
MARIANNE You would have bought him from some 10
POTIPHAR (matter-of-factly) That I did.
MICK He would have been a spoiled brat.
POTIPHAR That does NOT ring a bell. I bought
. a young man named Joseph and put him to work
. immediately. I quickly realized that
. he worked very hard-
MICK Hmph, doesn’t exactly fit the description.
MARIANNE Still, we’ve come all this way! At least
. let the man finish.
CHIEF Yes, please - continue.
POTIPHAR Well, the Lord was definitely with him, because
. it didn’t matter what he did, he was always
. very successful. Everything he touched
. seemed to turn to gold. So I made him
. my personal servant and put him in charge
. of everything I have. Problem was,
. he’s a looker, and my wife had eyes for him.
. But before knowing that my wife had falsely
. accused Joseph of a crime, I had thrown him
. into prison and forgotten all about him.
CHIEF (shrugging) These things happen.
POTIPHAR Well, my wife DID have a piece of clothing
. of his.
LAB GUY Our victim does tend to leave articles of
. clothing behind.
CHIEF Probably – a coincidence.
POTIPHAR I should have heard his side of the story.
. Later, I heard that she grabbed onto his coat,
. and wouldn’t let go. So in order to get away
. from her, he shed his coat and ran. Anyway,
. Joseph was in prison, and I had forgotten
. about him, until... Pharaoh started to have
. these very strange and – disturbing dreams.
NICK Dreams you say? What sort of dreams?
POTIPHAR Seven ugly, skinny cows ate up seven
. healthy cows.
MICK (shivering) Uh, I hate cow-dreams!
POTIPHAR So do I. Anyway, Pharaoh desperately wanted
. to know what these dreams meant. Somebody told
. him about a guy in prison who could interpret
. dreams. Turned out to be – Joseph.
. Well, God told Joseph the meaning, and then
. Joseph told Pharaoh. And – Pharaoh was
. truly grateful.
MARIANNE So what DID the dreams mean?
POTIPHAR We will have seven good years and then
. seven years of severe famine will come.
. Joseph also told us what to do in this case.
. It was a great solution, so who better to put
. in charge than Joseph? We’ll be storing up
. most of it and guarding it so we’ll have
. plenty of food when the famine hits.
CHIEF We would like to speak to - this Joseph –
. if we may?
POTIPHAR I’ll see – if he’s available. You know,
. we ARE busy running a kingdom here.
CHIEF And WE - are running - an investigation.
(They all bow as POTIPHAR exits stage left and
JOSEPH enters, wearing a flowing coat.)
LAB GUY Oh! Nice coat!
CHIEF Joseph?! Son of Jacob who is now named –
JOSEPH That is who I am.
(LAB GUY examines the fabric near JOSEPH’S feet.)
LAB GUY This is by far your nicest coat yet.
MARIANNE It’s been 14 years, why haven’t you
. returned home?
MICK Yeah, your father is worried sick about you.
. Believes you to be dead – killed by
. wild beasts.
(LAB GUY stands up now.)
JOSEPH It pains me to know this.
LAB GUY So – let’s get this straight – there were
. no wild beasts, right?
JOSEPH No wild beasts. My brothers were first
. going to kill me, then Rueben suggested
. just leaving me down in the pit, but when
. some Ishmaelites came by, they sold me.
MICK Don’t you care? Don’t you want to see
. your brothers brought to justice?
CHIEF All it would take is – your testimony.
(JOSEPH puts out a calming hand.)
JOSEPH No, I hold no grudge. I suffered at
. the hands of my brothers - for a purpose.
. God will use this to save our people.
. A famine is coming, and soon, people
. from everywhere will be coming to Egypt.
. I know my brothers will be here for food
. and they will have to bow down to me -
. just as my dream predicted.
. THIS in itself will be punishment enough
. for them, I’m sure. And, ah, I’m not
. going to make it easy for them.
. I’ll make them sweat it out a bit.
CHIEF Then – our job here – is done.
MICK Ah, so if there’s a famine coming, can we
. maybe just hang out here?
LAB GUY Yeah, we’re willing to work for food.
JOSEPH I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have some 13
. crime scene investigators on hand.
LAB GUY Oh – that’s good. I like that.
. We can introduce ourselves just like that...
. (using a low voice)
. We’re CSI, crime scene investigators.
JOSEPH Ah, okay. Follow me.
CHIEF Where does he come up with this stuff?
MICK (to CHIEF) Like I keep saying, he’s “weird.”
(The GROUP follows JOSEPH out stage left.)