.           all rights belong to Tanis Harms –
.             refer to

JOSEPH THE DREAMER IS GONE – written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC:        God’s purpose
SCRIPTURE:    Genesis 37-47, Romans 8:28
Style:        comedy/conversation: spoof on CSI,
.             crime scene investigators figure out
.             what happened to Joseph
Cast:         CHIEF (who always speaks very cryptically),
Set & Props:  colorful coat with “blood”, flowing coat
.             (dried juice stains could work)


(CHIEF enters from stage right carrying a bloody coat.
MICK enters from stage left.)

MICK      Hey, chief.

CHIEF     Mick, find anything - out there?

MICK      Just a slaughtered goat.

CHIEF     Could have been - someone’s supper.

MICK      So is that the evidence?

(MICK goes over to study the bloody coat a bit.)

CHIEF     They’re saying they just - found this coat -
.         lying in the fields.  Did you find –
.         anything else at the scene?

MICK      Just some deep hole.  So, other than
.         the deep hole and the slaughtered goat,
.         this is the only piece of evidence.

CHIEF     So there’s only one question - was this
.         the scene of an accident, - or the scene –
.         of a crime?

LAB GUY   (singing loudly from off stage)
.         WHERE are you?  WHERE – WHERE?  WHERE-WHERE!

CHIEF     What - or - who - was that?                   2

MICK      Oh, that’s just Lab Guy.

CHIEF     I wonder - where does he - get this stuff?

MICK      I don’t know.  He’s kind of weird.

CHIEF     Well, weird or not - he knows – his stuff.
.         Let’s get him to take - a closer look
.         at this coat – shall we?

MICK      (calling out)  Yo!  Lab Guy!

(LAB GUY comes jiving out from stage left.)

LAB GUY   You call?  Hey, chief.

CHIEF     Yes, would you - take a look at this coat -
.         and tell us - what you see?  What exactly –
.         is this stuff?

(While CHIEF is still talking, LAB GUY takes a very close
look at the coat.)

LAB GUY   Looks like blood, but this will have to be
.         tested.

(LAB GUY smells it, then puts a finger to the coat and
tastes the tip of his finger.)

LAB GUY   Definitely blood, all-right.

CHIEF     But is it - human blood?

LAB GUY   That I cannot tell you.  Maybe someday
.         they’ll have fancy-schmancy tests for that,
.         but for now, all I can say is – that is blood.

MICK      What about these fibers, can you tell us
.         anything from the fibers on the coat?

LAB GUY   (studying coat very closely)  These fibers
.         definitely come from the finest quality
.         material.  And nothing from around these parts.
.         I’d say, this material was probably imported.

CHIEF     So... the very best, you say?                 3

LAB GUY   Something else you need to see.  Look closely.
.         See how many colors there are?

CHIEF     Yeah, but does that - mean anything?

LAB GUY   Dyes for cloth cost money.  Especially the
.         color purple, usually associated with royalty,
.         because, well, they’re the only ones
.         who can afford it.  (unfolds the coat to show)
.         AND, look at the cut and style - we’re talking–
.         some high quality stuff here.
.         The very latest in city fashion.
.         NOT your ordinary run-of-the-mill desert-wear.

MICK      So there’s no doubt this belonged to someone
.         of wealth or importance.

CHIEF     Hm!  Or someone - who is very - spoiled.
.         Thank you – Lab Guy.

(LAB GUY exits stage left.)

MICK      Nobody just leaves behind their expensive coat
.         like this.

CHIEF     The question to ask is - why aren’t
.         the brothers of the victim – also wearing coats
.         like this one?

MICK      You’re suspecting that the missing brother,
.         is the favored son?

CHIEF     Nothing good - has ever come - from playing
.         favorites - among siblings.  Let’s see -
.         what the brothers have to say – shall we?

MICK      (yelling to offstage)  Ah, could one
.         of the brothers come out here?

(RUEBEN enters sheepishly from stage right.)

CHIEF     And – which brother – are you?

RUEBEN    Rueben, the oldest of the brothers.

CHIEF     The oldest, huh?                              4

RUEBEN    Meaning – the responsible one.  If anything,
.         I’m the one who tried protecting Joseph.

CHIEF     Protecting Joseph – from the other – brothers?

RUEBEN    Why are you bothering to look into this?
.         It was an accident.  He was probably eaten
.         by wolves...  and vultures.  Or both.
.         The dreamer is gone.

CHIEF     You said - the dreamer?  Why did you call him –
.         the dreamer?

RUEBEN    What?

CHIEF     You just called your brother, Joseph –
.         the dreamer.

RUEBEN    Well, ‘cause he always had these dreams.

CHIEF     It was more – the WAY you said it.

MICK      What kind of dreams would he have?

RUEBEN    Does it matter?

CHIEF     Maybe? - Maybe not.

MICK      So, what were these dreams?

RUEBEN    They were crazy, man!  Dreams about our
.         wheat stacks bowing down to his wheat stack.
.         You know, like we were going to bow down
.         to HIM?  Yeah-right!  And then another one
.         was where the sun, moon and eleven stars
.         were all bowing down to him.  Like
.         he’s going to reign over us?  No way!

CHIEF     Interesting.  I bet that really - bothered you.

RUEBEN    (gasping)  Whatever.

MICK      Yeah, whatever.  I mean, if my brother
.         had that kind of dream, I’d just laugh it off.

CHIEF     So when did you - see him last?               5

MICK      Your father said that he sent Joseph out
.         to find you, to see that you and the flocks
.         were all okay.

RUEBEN    Yeah-right.  More like, to snitch on us.

CHIEF     Would he – would he snitch - on - all of you?
.         I bet that really - bothered you.

REUBEN    Whatever.  He was just the baby of the family.
.         Just a spoiled brat.

CHIEF     Who got – the best clothes – and –
.         didn’t have to work...  Was he your father’s –
.         favorite?  I bet that really – bothered you.

REUBEN    I don’t’ know.

CHIEF     You don’t seem to know – very much.

MICK      So did you see him at all?  There was a witness
.         who saw Joseph looking for you in Shechem.
.         This witness then told Joseph that you had
.         moved on to Dothan.  As far as we know,
.         that was the last person to see Joseph.

REUBEN    Hm, wow, it must have happened in between
.         those two places then.  Or maybe this so-called
.         witness did something to him.

MICK      There isn’t any motive.  But it appears there
.         was plenty of motive for you and your brothers
.         to do something.

REUBEN    Whatever.  But like we keep saying, we just –
.         found Joseph’s coat – in the wilderness –
.         all covered in his blood –

MICK      Is this the coat?  (holds out the coat)

REUBEN    (hardly glances at the coat, speaks jealously)
.         Yes, that’s the one.

(CHIEF notes the jealous behavior of RUEBEN and
nods knowingly.)
.                                                       6
CHIEF     (notes jealous behavior of RUEBEN)
.         Thank you - Rueben – that will be all –
.         for now.  But - I’d like to question –
.         your father – please.

(REUBEN quickly exits stage right and JACOB enters,
very saddened.)

CHIEF     Hi – and sorry – for your loss - Mr. – Jacob –

JACOB     Thank you.  And my name is Israel now.

MICK      You, ah, got married?

JACOB     God changed my name from Jacob to Israel.

MICK      Interesting, but I suppose there’s no
.         questioning that – if it came from God.

CHIEF     I would say – not.  But – from this new
.         information given - could you tell us –
.         does God favor you - in any special way then?

JACOB     God has blessed me, immensely, yes.

CHIEF     So you are – very wealthy?

JACOB     One could say that, yes.

CHIEF     Well – this may be very painful for you, but –
.         we need you to verify something for us.

MICK      (holds out coat)  Do you at all recognize this?

(JACOB quickly glances at coat as MICK holds it out.
JACOB then quickly looks away, pained by the sight.)

JACOB     Yes!  That is Joseph’s coat.  (stifles sobs)
.         You WILL find the ones who did this, won’t you?

MICK      Your other sons keep saying it was
.         a wild beast.

(JACOB stifle another deep sob.  MICK looks at CHIEF
and shrugs.)

CHIEF     Well, Mr. Jacob – Israel... I promise you –   7
.         we will find those people - or those
.         wild beasts – and bring them – to justice.

JACOB     I really appreciate this.  We can’t just let -
.         wild beasts run our land like this.

(As JACOB exits stage right, MICK leans over to CHIEF.)

MICK      (aside)  Are you buying any of this?

CHIEF     The father is definitely – buying this.
.         We will have to let the evidence – speak –
.         for itself.

MICK      Yo!  Lab Guy!

(LAB GUY enters again from stage left.)

CHIEF     Could you take another look at this?
.         Maybe you missed something.

LAB GUY   Ah, and what exactly am I looking for
.         this time?

CHIEF     The brothers claim - that a wild beast –
.         killed the victim.

(LAB GUY takes the coat fully in his hands and
studies it again with a deep sigh.)

LAB GUY   Well, if it WAS a wild beast, it was
.         a very neat one.

CHIEF     Hmph!  So what is the evidence saying –
.         Lab Guy?

LAB GUY   This jacket does not have any tears in it.

CHIEF     So what you’re saying – is – if our victim
.         was attacked – by wild beasts–

LAB GUY   (impatiently)  There would be a lot of tears
.         in it.  Probably be all ripped up.  Shredded.

MICK      Maybe he took the jacket off, and then
.         the beast got him.
.                                                       8
CHIEF     But then, why - is there blood?  Let us -
.         do a reenactment.  Mick - you be Joseph,
.         LAB GUY - you – be-

LAB GUY   (interrupting)  Why am I always the beast?

CHIEF     Okay, so, Mick, you take off - your coat.
.         And now –

(LAB GUY growls and circles MICK.  MICK uses the coat
to scare LAB GUY away.)

MICK      Get away – you beast.  Get – Shoo!

CHIEF     Maybe - the beast was a little - sneakier.

LAB GUY   Ohhhh, with more of a surprise attack?

CHIEF     Try it again.

LAB GUY   Beast attack!

MICK      Ahhhh.

CHIEF     So it - MAY have gone down that way.

LAB GUY   So where are the bones?  There isn’t a beast
.         in this wilderness who will also eat the bones.

MICK      Maybe wild dogs took them away.

LAB GUY   Maybe.

CHIEF     So - the evidence – is inconclusive.  It could
.         have been a wild beast – or foul play.

MICK      We should send MARIANNE FERNTREE back out into
.         the field.  Maybe she can find more witnesses.

CHIEF     That’s – a good idea, Mick - even though
.         I should have had that line.  Meanwhile,
.         we can work - on some other cases.  Anything?

MICK      (talk while heading for the exit)
.         A man named Judah needs to locate his
.         seal and a cord.
.                                                       9
CHIEF     Interesting.

(as CHIEF, MICK and LAB GUY exit stage left.
MARIANNE FERNTREE enters from stage right.)

MARIANNE  Chief!  I’m back.

(MICK, then CHIEF and LAB GUY re-enter from stage left.)

MICK      Chief, Marianne Ferntree is back.
.         That only took you – fourteen years!

MARIANNE  Yeah-yeah – you try tracking down nomadic
.         salesmen on camels.

CHIEF     Were you able to – follow - the money?

MARIANNE  I did.  Since the brothers were seen flaunting
.         20 shekels of silver, I found some Ishmaelites
.         who like to deal with this currency.  And
.         there’s more – these men had just bought
.         a young man from the Canaan area –
.         for - get this – 20 shekels of silver.

CHIEF     Did you find this young man in their
.         possession?

MARIANNA  No.  Almost immediately, fourteen years ago,
.         they had brought him to Egypt where they
.         sold him.  He would be about 30 years old now.

CHIEF     Did they give you a description – of this –
.         young man?

MARIANNA  The young man definitely matches the
.         description of our victim:  he had been about
.         17 years old.  Not wearing a coat.
.         Went by the name, Joseph.

CHIEF     Sounds like a lead.  Are you sure?

MARIANNA  Yes, apparently they were coming from Gilead,
.         on their way to Egypt and ran into a bunch
.         of guys out in the fields who sold them
.         this young man.

CHIEF     And they only got 20 shekels of silver       10
.         for him.  They could have gotten more
.         for the coat.

LAB GUY   As far as slaves go - they were ripped off.

CHIEF     Not if the young man was scrawny.  Remember –
.         our victim - was spoiled.

MICK      Should we go tell the father - and bring
.         all the brothers in for questioning?

CHIEF     Not - without proof.  And let’s not raise
.         the hopes of the father – just yet.

MARIANNE  So we’re on our way to Egypt?

CHIEF     Did you get the name of the person –
.         who bought the alleged - victim?

MARIANNE  Yes, Potiphar - an officer of Pharaoh -
.         apparently captain of the bodyguard.

(They speak as they exit stage right.)

CHIEF     To Egypt – we go.

MICK      Do we have jurisdiction there?

CHIEF     We’ll soon – find out.

(CHIEF, MICK and MARIANNE re-enter stage right.)

MICK      THAT was a long camel ride!

MARIANNE  Try doing that twice in a row!

(POTIPHAR enters stage left and approaches the group.)

POTIPHAR  I’ve been told you wish to – question me?
.         I’m a busy man, could you make this quick?

CHIEF     We are looking for a young man –
.         named Joseph.

POTIPHAR  I – maaay know someone by that name.

MARIANNE  You would have bought him from some          10
.         Ishmaelites.

POTIPHAR  (matter-of-factly)  That I did.

MICK      He would have been a spoiled brat.

POTIPHAR  That does NOT ring a bell.  I bought
.         a young man named Joseph and put him to work
.         immediately.  I quickly realized that
.         he worked very hard-

MICK      Hmph, doesn’t exactly fit the description.

MARIANNE  Still, we’ve come all this way!  At least
.         let the man finish.

CHIEF     Yes, please - continue.

POTIPHAR  Well, the Lord was definitely with him, because
.         it didn’t matter what he did, he was always
.         very successful.  Everything he touched
.         seemed to turn to gold.  So I made him
.         my personal servant and put him in charge
.         of everything I have.  Problem was,
.         he’s a looker, and my wife had eyes for him.
.         But before knowing that my wife had falsely
.         accused Joseph of a crime, I had thrown him
.         into prison and forgotten all about him.

CHIEF     (shrugging)  These things happen.

POTIPHAR  Well, my wife DID have a piece of clothing
.         of his.

LAB GUY   Our victim does tend to leave articles of
.         clothing behind.

CHIEF     Probably – a coincidence.

POTIPHAR  I should have heard his side of the story.
.         Later, I heard that she grabbed onto his coat,
.         and wouldn’t let go.  So in order to get away
.         from her, he shed his coat and ran.  Anyway,
.         Joseph was in prison, and I had forgotten
.         about him, until...  Pharaoh started to have
.         these very strange and – disturbing dreams.
.                                                      12
NICK      Dreams you say?  What sort of dreams?

POTIPHAR  Seven ugly, skinny cows ate up seven
.         healthy cows.

MICK      (shivering)  Uh, I hate cow-dreams!

POTIPHAR  So do I.  Anyway, Pharaoh desperately wanted
.         to know what these dreams meant.  Somebody told
.         him about a guy in prison who could interpret
.         dreams.  Turned out to be – Joseph.
.         Well, God told Joseph the meaning, and then
.         Joseph told Pharaoh.  And – Pharaoh was
.         truly grateful.

MARIANNE  So what DID the dreams mean?

POTIPHAR  We will have seven good years and then
.         seven years of severe famine will come.
.         Joseph also told us what to do in this case.
.         It was a great solution, so who better to put
.         in charge than Joseph?  We’ll be storing up
.         most of it and guarding it so we’ll have
.         plenty of food when the famine hits.

CHIEF     We would like to speak to - this Joseph –
.         if we may?

POTIPHAR  I’ll see – if he’s available.  You know,
.         we ARE busy running a kingdom here.

CHIEF     And WE - are running - an investigation.

(They all bow as POTIPHAR exits stage left and
JOSEPH enters, wearing a flowing coat.)

LAB GUY   Oh!  Nice coat!

CHIEF     Joseph?!  Son of Jacob who is now named –
.         Israel?

JOSEPH    That is who I am.

(LAB GUY examines the fabric near JOSEPH’S feet.)

LAB GUY   This is by far your nicest coat yet.
.                                                      13
MARIANNE  It’s been 14 years, why haven’t you
.         returned home?

MICK      Yeah, your father is worried sick about you.
.         Believes you to be dead – killed by
.         wild beasts.

(LAB GUY stands up now.)

JOSEPH    It pains me to know this.

LAB GUY   So – let’s get this straight – there were
.         no wild beasts, right?

JOSEPH    No wild beasts.  My brothers were first
.         going to kill me, then Rueben suggested
.         just leaving me down in the pit, but when
.         some Ishmaelites came by, they sold me.

MICK      Don’t you care?  Don’t you want to see
.         your brothers brought to justice?

CHIEF     All it would take is – your testimony.

(JOSEPH puts out a calming hand.)

JOSEPH    No, I hold no grudge.  I suffered at
.         the hands of my brothers - for a purpose.
.         God will use this to save our people.
.         A famine is coming, and soon, people
.         from everywhere will be coming to Egypt.
.         I know my brothers will be here for food
.         and they will have to bow down to me -
.         just as my dream predicted.
.         THIS in itself will be punishment enough
.         for them, I’m sure.  And, ah, I’m not
.         going to make it easy for them.
.         I’ll make them sweat it out a bit.

CHIEF     Then – our job here – is done.

MICK      Ah, so if there’s a famine coming, can we
.         maybe just hang out here?

LAB GUY   Yeah, we’re willing to work for food.

JOSEPH    I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have some      13
.         crime scene investigators on hand.

LAB GUY   Oh – that’s good.  I like that.
.         We can introduce ourselves just like that...
.         (using a low voice)
.         We’re CSI, crime scene investigators.

JOSEPH    Ah, okay.  Follow me.

CHIEF     Where does he come up with this stuff?

MICK      (to CHIEF)  Like I keep saying, he’s “weird.”

(The GROUP follows JOSEPH out stage left.)