. all rights belong to Tanis Harms –
. refer to www.church-skits.com
HOUSE CLEANING – written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC: spiritual warfare, purity, salvation
SCRIPTURE: Mt.12:43-45, Lk.11.24-26
Style: allegory/conversation: someone has
. an unwelcomed houseguest, and when
. they try to handle it on their own,
. the problem only gets worse
Cast: OWNER, GUEST 1-7, GUARD
Set & Props: Bible, novel, sofa, chair, maybe a door
. (whatever it takes to make a home)
(OWNER sits on sofa with GUEST 1.)
GUEST 1 You call this a party? Let’s make it a party.
. I know what you need. Come on, let’s get crazy.
(GUEST 1 gets wild-crazy and out of hand, like growling.
OWNER cautiously moves over to the chair,
where he/she sits ridged, afraid.)
GUEST 1 Yeah, that’s right! Feel the fear!
. If you can’t feel the fear,
. then you’re not really living!
. And I know you really want to live it up.
OWNER Could you just be quiet – just for a moment?
. I’m trying to think. In order to really think,
. I need some peace in my life.
GUEST 1 What?! Peace! What are you talking about?
OWNER I’m thinking that maybe I don’t want this.
GUEST 1 But - we’re bad! So let’s be bad. Okay?
OWNER I keep thinking there must be more to life.
. You know, a different way to live.
GUEST 1 Tell you what - you need to stop thinking!
(GUARD walks up to door and knocks.
Unsure, OWNER considers answering the door.)
GUEST 1 Ignore that. It’s nobody.
. (GUARD knocks again)
. It’s nobody important.
OWNER It can’t hurt to see who it is.
(OWNER answers the door.)
GUARD I heard you were interested in a new life
. with purpose - and peace -
GUEST 1 (yelling) Go away! We don’t want any!
. And we don’t like you!
GUARD I can clean your house out FOR you,
. and then protect your house forever.
GUEST 1 Ah! That’s a laugh! We don’t need any help.
OWNER (to GUARD) Thank you, but no thank you.
. I’ve got this. I can do it on my own.
(OWNER shuts the door and looks at GUEST 1.)
GUEST 1 That’s the way to tell ‘em!
OWNER And I’ve decided. I would like some
. peace in my life.
GUEST 1 Whatever floats your boat.
OWNER I mean, I would like you to leave.
(OWNER opens the door and waits for GUEST 1 to leave.
GUEST 1 gives OWNER an indignant scowl before leaving.
OWNER looks around outside. GUARD appears.)
GUARD Would you like me to guard your house for you?
OWNER No-no, like I said, I’ve got this.
(OWNER closes the door and sighs. Sitting down on
the sofa to relax and read a book, OWNER first reaches
for a Bible, but shakes their head and grabs a novel.
GUEST 1 enters with GUESTS 2-7.)
GUEST 1 Come on. I know a great place to party. 3
. (seeing the vigilant at a distance)
. Yup! We’re still good.
(GUEST 1 knocks on the door. OWNER shakes head and
tries to keep reading.)
GUEST 1 I know you’re in there! Come on,
. it’s time to party. I’ve brought along
. some very fun friends for you to meet.
GUEST 2 Yeah, come on. We’ve heard this is
. the best place to hang.
(OWNER finally puts the book aside and answers the door.
GUESTS 1-7 burst in with wild excitement.
GUEST 3 sees the Bible and shoves it under the sofa.
GUEST 4 starts hitting others with a pillow.
Maybe GUEST 5 rips up the novel...)
GUEST 2 This is going to be great fun.
. Let’s trash this place!
OWNDER Wait! What are you doing? This is my house!
. Have some respect.
GUEST 2 My dear, if you don’t respect your house,
. why should we?
(GUESTS become loud and wild and obnoxious
[to give the idea, but keeping it church friendly].
OWNER becomes upset and starts pacing. Finally,
OWNER opens the door and calls out.)
OWNER Help! I do need you to help me!
. (GUARD steps up to OWNER)
. Obviously I can’t do this on my own.
. So - I do want your help!
. Please take care of my house for me.
(OWNER holds the door open. GUARD steps inside.
GUESTS all freeze in terror, then scurry outside.
GUARD motions to the sofa and begins to tidy, pick up...
Relieved, OWNER sits down and looks around for a book.
GUARD points beneath the sofa. OWNER pulls out the Bible,
sighing, and starts to read. Outside, GUESTS
congregate and look toward the house.)
GUEST 2 Are we just going to accept this?
GUEST 1 I was very accepted there before.
(GUEST 1 goes to knock at the door.
OWNER looks at GUARD, who shakes his head.
There’s a knock again. OWNER decides to answer.)
GUEST 1 We’re back. Can we come in?
(GUARD steps behind OWNER.)
GUEST 2 (into GUEST 1’s ear) That would be a ‘no’.
. Maybe we can convince him/her to come out here
. and live it up.
GUEST 1 (to OWNER) Hey! Soooo... let’s go
. somewhere else to party.
GUARD (to OWNER) You have a peaceful life now.
. Do you NOT remember how it was?
GUEST 2 So you just want a boring life!
GUEST 1 I thought we were friends.
OWNER Friends? I remember how you would hurt me.
. So how can you call yourself a friend?
GUEST 1 Don’t you remember the fun we used to have?
OWNER (thinking) Actually, I DO remember.
. And no thank you! I have something far better.
(OWNER closes the door and goes back to the sofa
to read the Bible... smiling with enjoyment.)
GUEST 2 Come on – let’s find some other loser.
(GUESTS exit with evil intentions.)