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GOOD COP-BAD COP - written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC:        parenting, don’t provoke, flatter, bribe
SCRIPTURE:    Eph.6:4, Job 15:34-35, Job 17:5, Rom.16:18
Style:        comedy/conversation:  parents try the
.             good cop - bad cop routine on their child
.             to get some information out of him, and
.             realize their tactics are not biblical
Cast:         Dad, Mom, Son
Set & Props:  table, 3 chairs, plate with sandwich

SCRIPT:

(DAD and MOM meet together to the side of the table.)

MOM   I saw our son at the mall today.  When I asked him
.     what he was doing there, he wouldn’t tell me.

DAD   He probably won’t spill it to me either.  Okay,
.     we need to get our son to talk.

MOM   So how are we handling this interrogation?

DAD   I’ve already altered the legs of his chair
.     to make it uneven.  I've loosened the light bulb
.     so it will flicker, and I’ve turned up the heat
.     to really make him sweat.

MOM   So we’re doing the good cop-bad cop?

DAD   Yes.

MOM   Can I be the bad cop this time?

DAD   You?  Seriously, you?  

(MOM puts hands on her hip and gives DAD the evil eye.)

DAD   Okay, I KNOW you could pull it off, but –
.     (whining)  I LIKE playing the bad cop.

MOM   (resigning)  Okay.  

DAD   Oh, and I got this sandwich with lots of onions,
.     so when I breath down on him, my breath will reek
.     so much, he won’t be able to think straight.

MOM   Nice touch.
.                                                      2
DAD   Thank you.

(SON enters.)

DAD   Okay son, you’re in trouble.  Have a seat.

SON   I was going to get something to eat.  I’m starving.

DAD   Have a seat.  For now, you’re going to starve.

SON   What?  Why?

(DAD glares down on him.  SON sits down obediently
wondering why he’s in trouble.  DAD leans over him.)

DAD   We know you went to the mall today.
.     What were you doing there?  Huh?
.     (more meanly)  What were you doing there?

MOM   (overly sweet)  Did you want a cookie?

SON   Is-is this a trick – or a bribe?  What?
.     You mean, I’ll only get to eat if I tell?

DAD   No smart mouth.  Listen up, tell me why you went
.     to the mall?  Were you doing something bad?

SON   (weakly) Noooo.

MOM   Oh no, my son wouldn’t do anything bad.

(DAD swings around on MOM, loudly.)

DAD   Do you think empty flattery will make him crack?
.     Huh?!

MOM   (weakly shrinking)  Ah, it always works on you.

DAD   Well, we’ll deal with THAT later.

MOM   (getting close to crying)  You’re being so mean.

DAD   (back to SON)  Right now, we need to deal
.     with this issue.  Right now! - tell me
.     what you were doing at the mall.

SON   (suspiciously)  I – I – can’t tell you.

DAD   That’s what I thought.
.                                                      3
(SON rocks back and forth in his chair, almost having
fun.  MOM walks around and grabs the chair to still it.)

MOM   Don’t do that, dear.  It’s very annoying.

(DAD takes a bite of the sandwich, then leans over
the SON again.  MOM waves the smell from the air
and backs away.)

MOM   Whoo!  I can smell that from here.

DAD   (leaning over, very close to SON'S face)
.     Okay, I’m going to ask you again, why were you
.     at the mall?

SON   I – don’t want to say.

DAD   (yells)  Oh yeah?  But can you FEEL the HEAT?
.     Huh?  Can you FEEL the heat yet?

(MOM fans herself and slumps into a chair.)

MOM   Oh yes - I can.  It’s SO very hot.  

DAD   So what were you doing?  Come on, spill the beans!

MOM   (breaking) All right!  I did.  I bought something!

DAD   What?

MOM   I can’t take it anymore.  I confess.

DAD   YOU confess?

MOM   I just want this over and done.

DAD   A crime has been committed and we need to nail down
.     the culprit.

SON   I didn’t do anything wrong.

DAD   What?!

SON   (yelling) Okay, fine!  Now I’m mad!  I wanted it
.     to be a surprise, but if you really want to know,
.     I bought you an anniversary present!

DAD   (YELLING)  HEY, NO YELLING!

MOM   (meekly)  Ah, but dear, if YOU can yell,         4
.     then WE should be able to yell.

DAD   (calms down)  You’re right, there should be
.     NO yelling.  Not even from me.  I should have
.     approached this a lot differently.
.     Especially now that I know – that you bought us
.     an anniversary present.  I feel – pretty stupid.
.     This was a very pointless argument.

MOM   Do we like to argue SO much?

DAD   Son, Marg, I – apologize.  I need a new approach,
.     even when you do something wrong.  This has got
.     to change, and it’s got to start with me.  Come on,
.     let’s get some real food.

(DAD leads MOM and SON out.)