.           all rights belong to Tanis Harms –
.             refer to

DAD’S WISDOM - written by Tanis Harms
.              Also works to be followed by the skit
.              “Mom’s Wisdom”
TOPIC:         train your children and they won’t forget
SCRIPTURE:     Proverbs 22:6
Style:         comedy/conversation: daughter is moving out
.              and Dad tries to review everything
.              he's ever taught her
Cast:          DAD (around 45), LISA (21 years old)
Set & Props:   table, 2 chairs, papers, file folder


(DAD and LISA sit at table.  DAD pours over papers
and points out details as he speaks.  LISA is bored
and yawns.)

DAD    So your rent, or, hopefully one day your mortgage,
.      should not exceed 30 percent of your income.
.      And make sure you put money aside,
.      in case you still owe taxes.  Are you even
.      listening?  You were the one who asked me
.      to help set up your budget.

LISA   Dad, you’ve gone over this seven times now.

DAD    I just want to make sure you remember everything.

(LISA points out places on the page as she comments...)

LISA   Got it – got it – got it – got it –

(DAD eyes her with a sad face and LISA smiles coyly.)

LISA   See, you’ve written everything down for me.
.      As long as I have these pieces of paper,
.      I’ve got it.

DAD    But it’s NOT just what is written down.
.      It is the logic of it all.  It’s common sense
.      that will take you through life.

(LISA points to her head a few times to motion that she’s
got it all up there.)

DAD    Now, have you thought about your filing system
.      yet?
.                                                      2
(LISA picks up the filing folder beside her to show DAD.)

DAD    (without noticing)  For example, you will
.      be asked to give a damage deposit.
.      You want to keep the records for when
.      you move out.  They owe that back to you –
.      you know – as long as there aren’t any damages
.      to the place.

LISA   (pats the filing folder and hugs it to her)
.      Tabs and everything.

DAD    My little girl is moving out, I’m allowed
.      to be concerned.

LISA   I’ll only be 21.8 miles away.

DAD    But if someone tries to break into your
.      apartment –

LISA   91... 1?

DAD    (in a sing-song voice)  It’s not funny!

LISA   (smiles, recites in her “dad’s” voice, teasing)
.      Ohhh, ooorrr, as you’ve always told me,
.      I should - be KIND to my enemies because
.      it’s like heaping hot coals over their heads.

DAD    Ah, no, in that instance you were right
.      the first time.  Call 911.

LISA   Dad, seriously!

DAD    But if, let’s say, your boss is acting – grouchy
.      towards you, then the second piece of advice
.      applies.  Well, toward EVERYONE you should –

LISA   (reciting)  Do unto others as you’d have them
.      do to you.

DAD    I’ve told you that verse.

LISA   A hundred times.

DAD    The smartest people in the world can forget
.      the simplest and best wisdom.

LISA   (can’t help but smile)  I’ll be fine.
.                                                     3
DAD    And I don’t want you to starve.
.      Do not forget to eat.

LISA   (teasing)  Whaaaat? I’ll have plenty of
.      leftover popcorn for lunch and peanut butter
.      crackers for supper.  

DAD    (panicking slightly)  Do you have enough food
.      to get started?

LISA   (calming)  Just one word – “MOM”!

DAD    (thinking)  Riiight.  I noticed our grocery budget
.      doubled.  But I’m sure it’ll all be healthy.

LISA   Ugh!  BOTH of you!  As we speak, Mom is busy
.      making me notes on how to do laundry and
.      houseclean, as well as copying out recipes
.      and organizing a cookbook of her favorite recipes.

DAD    You mean, of YOUR favorite recipes.  Like her
.      famous chicken pot pie.

LISA   (scrunching up nose)  Weelll... Infamous, perhaps.
.      Not my favorite-But don’t tell her that. You know,
.      just like you have taught me money management
.      and Biblical principles over all these years,
.      Mom has taught me how to cook.  And I know
.      Mom will want to have me over for supper
.      every night anyway!  She’s made a SCHEDULE.

DAD    That’ll add up your car mileage.  Oh!
.      Have you made a note somewhere that you need
.      to have your wheels rotated every 15,000 miles?
.      And have the oil changed every 5,000 miles?

LISA   (casually)  I can always ask one of my
.      GUY friends – (balks, tries to quickly recover)
.      Yes-yes-yes – it’s all on thiii...
.      (rummages through the papers and pulls one out)
.      THIS piece of paper!

DAD    (sternly)  You remember what I’ve told you
.      about boys?

LISA   YES! – Yes I do!

(DAD stares at LISA wide-eyed.  She laughs and
very quickly adds...)
.                                                     4
LISA   But I’ll be way too busy for dating anyway
.      once I start my job.

(DAD briefly wonders if he should continue with the
boy-talk but is quickly concerned with the job-talk.)

DAD    Did you get a job description written out?
.      It’s very important.

LISA   Yes, I have the employee handbook, benefit-
.      package, the payroll forms for direct deposit...
.      (thinking) – consistent devotions, dependable
.      spiritual guidance, and many prayer warriors
.      backing me up.  I have everything I need
.      to be successful in life.

(LISA ends with a big smile and nod.  DAD inhales deeply,
sighs with relief, then slowly smiles mischievously.)

DAD    And just remember, if at first you don’t succeed –

(LISA looks to the side and mouths the rest of the joke
as DAD says it.)

DAD    -consider the fact that you MIGHT be a loser.

LISA   But I will still try – try – try again!
.      (adds quickly)  And allll that other stuff.

DAD    I was just kidding.

LISA   I know.

DAD    You’ll be fine, and you will succeed.

LISA   Thanks, Dad.  (hugs DAD, then pats his shoulder)
.      And remember, as long as my car is STILL working
.      or at least if my phone has not been disconnected,
.      I can still keep in touch and ask for more words
.      of wisdom.

DAD    WHERE - in the world do you get your sense
.      of humor?  It’s not very good, you know.

LISA   Ah-ha-ha.  Only from the best, Dad...
.      But seriously, I KNOW – both you and Mom –
.      will survive just fine without me.
.      It’ll be okay, Dad.