. all rights belong to Tanis Harms –
. refer to www.church-skits.com
CHURCHLAND – written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC: worshipping, learning, fellowship
SCRIPTURE: Acts 2:42-47, Eph.4:11-16, Heb.10:23-25
Style: satire/conversation: a church greeter
. shows a new family around the “theme-park”
. of a church, only to convince the family
. that this is not the church for them
Cast: GREETER, MOM, DAD, CHILDREN 1-2
Set & Props: pamphlets, 4 Bibles
(DAD, MOM, CHILD 1 & 2, all carrying Bibles, enter and
stand for a few seconds, unsure of where they should go,
until GREETER jumps out and holds out a pamphlet to DAD.)
G Hi! And welcome to Churchland! Have you ever
. been here before?
G Then let me show you around.
D (unsure) Do we have time? Isn’t there a service
. starting soon? Or Sunday School classes to get to?
G Oooo! “School” – “Classes” – we avoid using
. any such words.
D (looks at pamphlet) Is this the schedule of
. all starting times?
G Oh no, that’s just a map and a list of all venues.
. Even references to such things as “starting time”
. or “schedule” is taboo. No, people don’t like that.
. Everything that we’ve got going on here –
. is a come-and-go as you want. And once you’ve
. seen what we have – you’ll never want to leave.
D But – isn’t the idea of church - to get equipped –
. so we can go out into the world and spread the word?
G Spread the word about coming to Churchland – exactly!
(GREETER pulls DAD aside.) 2
G Why? Do you have some ideas on how to advertise?
. We’re always looking for more and better ideas.
D No-I mean-
(Hearing the word “no,” GREETER quickly pulls DAD
over a few more steps and motions for the REST to follow
in order to continue the orientation.)
G Alrighty then, let me show you around.
. Once you see everything that WE offer YOU –
. you’ll be so excited – you’ll never want to go
. anywhere else. WE offer an experience-
D But – don’t you also want people to SERVE?
G Shhhhh, that is the WORST word of them all.
. Who wants to serve? That’s like – work.
. This is like - all about having fun.
D What about learning?
G Churchland’s theme is all based on - Bible... stuff.
. (motions to one area) There we have the Kiddie-Zone!
. (to littlest Child 1) You can take a ride through
. Noah’s ark and see all the animal statues.
. Little kids ALWAYS love animals. And GAMES –
. like “Find the Lost Sheep” game. HOURS of fun!
. (to older Child 2) For the older kids – mystery!
. Try to solve the deciphered writings on the wall.
. And danger! Try to survive the lion’s den. Grrr.
(GREETER pretends to pounce toward the older child,
who steps back, unsure.)
G And thrill rides. Hours of amusement!
(GREETER steps back and nods to DAD and MOM.)
G And for the adults, hours of entertainment –
. only the finest concerts, dinner theaters-
D What about the Bible?
G Ah, I’m so glad you reminded me of that. Sorry.
(DAD sighs a bit, with renewed hope, until-)
G (motioning behind) We have coat rooms with lockers
. available – so you can safely stow any unwanted
. items. That way, you don’t have to be encumbered
. or have to drag items like that around with you.
. Ha! Leave the juggling to the clowns. Seriously,
. we have clowns - in the circus tent.
D What has the circus to do with - church?
G Acts of astonishing feats!? There’s a time
. to laugh, and be happy, and a time to be amused...
D No, I mean, when is it TIME to study the Bible?
G Study the Bible? Ah, well, (pointing somewhere)
. there’s a ride that tosses back and forth.
. I’m pretty sure it was originally inspired
. from some sort of - Bible–thingy.
D Verse?! Bible verse?!
G Yeah, that’s it.
D What holds this all together?
G Ahhhh, nuts and bolts, mostly.
D What is the purpose?
D What do you learn?
G How to – have fun, find amusement and be entertained.
. All in a wholesome family-friendly venue.
D What about - being bonded together in God’s love?
. And the teaching of God’s word? And...
. spending time worshiping and praising our Savior?
G Oh, you probably want that church down the road then.
. It’s not often we lose people to THAT church.