.           all rights belong to Tanis Harms, © 2016
.             refer to

BASKET OF COLLABORATION – written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC:        gifts, unity, serving
SCRIPTURE:    1Cor.12:1-31, Eph.4:1-22, Col.3:4
Style:        comedy/conversation: a host introduces
.             4 famous chefs who are supposed to work
.             in a tag team effort to make an amazing
.             meal, but their attitudes produce a mess.
Cast:         HOST, (the chefs represent negative traits)
.             MARTA STEWING (greedy & self-serving),
.             JUNIA CHILDISH (is critical & boastful),
.             SWEDISH CHEF (is careless & inconsiderate),
.             JACQUES JEAN-JEAN (is prideful & arrogant)
Set & Props:  table, tiny pot, pan, basket, baby carrots,
.             staple remover, little container, scissors,
.             sewing ruler, cutting board, chopping knife,
.             oven mitts, olive oil, vinegar, mushrooms,
.             box of spaghetti, bowl of salt, buzzer


(On a table sits everything mentioned above,
except for the oven mitts and the buzzer.  In the basket
are the carrots, mushrooms and box of spaghetti.
And hidden behind the pot, is the staple remover
and unique container.)

HOST     Welcome back to our show,
.        “Basket of Collaboration”,
.        where tag team members have to collaborate
.        in order to create amazing dishes
.        from the ingredients found within their baskets.
.        We just saw and TASTED the amazing dish
.        created by the team made up of beginner chefs,
.        who worked so well together, communicating
.        brilliantly, passing along tidbits of knowledge,
.        giving each other great ideas, and really just
.        encouraging one another.  Now, let us see
.        what the team made up of STARS to the chefs
.        will create, stars such as Junia Childish.  So -
.        if the team is ready, your time starts - NOW.

(MARTA enters primly.  As she talks, she pulls out the staple
remover [disguising what it really is]
and carefully, snips off the end of a carrot.)
.                                                       2
MARTA     Well hello there.  Let us see what is in this
.         adorable basket.  And I see some delectable
.         carrots, BABY carrots, which will work wonderfully
.         with my specially designed carrot-end snipper,
.         from my Marta Stewing brand, which will
.         perfectly snip off any ends
.         that appear less than stellar.

(MARTA pulls out the unique container and [pretends]
to put the carrot end into the container.  
Then takes scissors and snips carrot in half,
and puts carrot halves into the pan.)

MARTA     The baby carrot-ends can simply be put into
.         the uniquely designed baby carrot-end container.
.         These come in two different sizes.  Personally,
.         I have two, in every house that I have.
.         I always say, you can never have too many
.         baby carrot-end containers.  And now
.         with my specially designed baby carrot
.         paring scissors, we will cut these to exactly
.         the same size.  If you have trouble gaging
.         dimensions, my produce measuring device can be
.         purchased from my Marta Stewing Conglomerate.  
.         Notice, no cutting board required-

(BUZZER sounds.  MARTA puts down the scissors,
brushes piece of hair away from forehead and primly exits.  
JUNIA enters abruptly, and gasps at the table.)

JUNIA     Oh!  WHAT – is this world COM-ing to???!!!
.         REAL-ly.

(JUNIA picks up items that MARTA had been using,
then picks up the chopping knife, takes a carrot and
puts it onto the cutting board.)

JUNIA     NOOOOooooo... ALL we need is a
.         CUT-ting board and a CHEF’s knife.
.         Sim-PLI-city – is AL-ways – BEST!

(JUNIA rolls the knife expertly to cut of carrot end, then
cuts carrot in half.  JUNIA takes a carrot half from the pan
that Marta had placed there and holds up one of hers and
one of Marta’s to compare.  They are exactly the same.)

JUNIA     NO-tice – mine is MUCH prettier.             3
.         And – AL-ways re-FRAIN from TOR-turing one’s
.         VEG-tables.  We SIM-ply CAN-not HAVE this.

(JUNIA removes Marta’s carrots, and replaces them with hers.
BUZZER sounds.  JUNIA leaves with a to-do.)

JUNIA     Oh!  WHAT – is this world COM-ing to???!!!

(SWEDISH CHEF enters with quirky little movements
and talks with undistinguishable mumbo-jumbo,
wearing oven mitts, but when he cannot grab anything,
he tosses them aside.)

SWEDISH   Wee-eer four dee team, here dee verk.
.         New, needsy verk mit me fing-gees.
.         Here im deer berk-skee
.         wee hoff em moorsh-see.

(SWEDISH splashes a bit of olive oil and vinegar
into the pan, then grabs a mushroom and crumbles it
with his hands into the pan, then grabs
the box of spaghetti to open it.)

SWEDISH   UUURRR!  Needsy dees im orr und veen-geer.
.         Nixt ware mer-ken zee pee-stee
.         een dare poot-skee.  Oops-see...
.         needsy teen-see pee-skee –
.         four dee verk.  URrrrr!

(SWEDISH tries to put spaghetti into pot, but
it doesn’t fit, so he goes to break it all in half.  
As the BUZZER SOUNDS, the spaghetti goes flying.
SWEDISH starts to exit one way, then exits the correct way.
JACQUES enters with a debonair flair and
looks down his nose at the mess.)

JACQUES   What is dees?  Eh?  Jacque Jean-Jean
.         SEEM-play can-NOT werk dees way.

(JACQUES picks up a piece of spaghetti to study.)

JACQUES   Deez pasta – eez TOO el dente.
.         NO!  JUSS – NO!  But eef I must...

(JACQUES shakes his head in disgust as he takes
a pinch of salt and throws it into the pan.)
.                                                       4
JACQUES   Voila.  Eh??? - No – to zah buzz-AIR.
.         Eet ees FIN-ee.  Wee?  Say-lah-vee.

(JACQUES exits with an air.  HOST enters, unsure.)

HOST      Um, well, this is a first?  Finished
.         before the buzzer, yet – not finished.
.         I – don’t know what to say.
.         This is more of a collision course,
.         than it is a collaborative creation.
.         So – today’s win goes to the beginner team
.         who accomplished much by just –
.         simply working – together.  Congratulations,
.         team one - on winning this week’s
.         “Basket of Collaboration.”

(OPTIONAL:  you can have the interviews afterwards,
each contestant can give a quick recap interview.)

MARTA     I’m so very embarrassed.
.         Everything I did was to promote my products.
.         I was very self-serving there.
.         Clearly I need to work on that.

JUNIA     Oh!  WHAT was I THINK-ing?
.         CRIT-icizing does NOT help at ALL.
.         NO-tice, I did NOTH-ing REAL-ly.  SO sorry.

SWEDISH   Vee need dee verk-verk-verk.
.         Vee need dee proo-per tings.
.         Oon dee proo-per nees-y verk.

JACQUES   Eh, es no good, zeh teamwork.
.         Next time, I should do better.
.         I, eh, apologize, eh.