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AMERICA’S IDOLS - (video example) written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC: do not have idols or try to be one
SCRIPTURE: 1 Cor.10:6-8; 1 John 5:21
STYLE: spoof on “American Idol”/conversation:
. different celebrities step in front
. of the judges to be critiqued as
. to their star-power
Cast: RANDY, PAULA, SIMON, CHRISTIAN,
. ATHLETE, MARIS WILTON, ROCK STAR,
. MOVIE STAR, CHRIS (Christian)
Set & Props: costumes, table, 3 chairs, papers
(RANDY, PAULA and SIMON sit at a table.)
SIMON Next - please.
(ATHLETE steps in front of the table with attitude.)
SIMON So tell us, Joe, what makes you think
. you can be one of America’s idols?
ATHLETE Hey, I make lots of money playing games.
. Chicks dig me. Guys want to be me.
. And I’m just cool like that. (grunts & flexes)
RANDY I think you’ve got some great confidence, dog.
. You’ve definitely got it. Keep working it, dog.
PAULA Yeah, you work it, Joe. And I’d just like to say–
. I just think – you know – everyone loves – YOU –
. and with that uniform - and everything – what can
. I say? - you definitely have it, you bet!
SIMON Well – JOE – if I’m being completely honest,
. you have a tendency to get cocky and rough,
. but that will actually work for you in the
. long run, even though it will interfere with
. your personal life. Just like your gambling has.
. You are certainly a big risk taker. But
. that can just be spun as part of your persona.
. And just beCAUSE you get to play for a living,
. and people buy into that “boys will be boys”
. mantra, I’d say you have a great shot at being
. a great American idol. Off you go then.
(SIMON hands a paper to ATHLETE who runs off and 2
grand-stands. A PARIS HILTON-TYPE tiptoes on
with a little wave to Simon.)
MARIS Hi Randy! Paula. Hiiiiii, Simon. I love you.
SIMON So Maris, darling, what makes you think you
. can be one of America’s idols?
MARIS I’m like, really rich and really pretty,
. and like, get what I want. And I always look,
. like, really good, because I can buy the best
. clothes ever, and like, go to all the really
. best parties. And to say that I, like, work
. for my own money, I just totally buy a company
. and, like, have people do the work for me.
RANDY You’ve got the dog pound barking, for sure.
. (woofs and spins a fist in the air)
PAULA You certainly LOOK – and you’re put together –
. and with great tastes – you just – sparkle.
. You totally sparkle. And shine.
. You totally have the “it” factor. You “go” girl.
SIMON Look Maris, seriously, you really haven’t done
. all that much to contribute to society. I mean,
. you drink and drive and put others at risk.
. Some of your projects are – questionable.
. And what are you really known for? It’s just
. all completely shallow, and all about
. how much money you have. You don’t have
. any real talent to speak of, do you?
PAULA Simon! How could you say that?
SIMON But it’s true, right? And if –
RANDY Aw, come on dog!
SIMON If you’d let me finish!... But because
. your wealth is SO great, people will tend
. to overlook that and think you’re great.
. You’ll do all right, Maris. You’ll do all right.
. Next please.
(SIMON hands a paper to MARIS as she coolly struts by.
She does a few poses as she exits.
ROCK SINGER swaggers in, and sticks out tongue
while striking a rock-and-roll pose.)
ROCK Ahhhh, rock and roll! Where it’s at, baby.
. Where it’s at! I – am – America’s idol!
RANDY Hey man, you were meant for the dog pound.
. Dude, just keep the vibe going. We can dig it.
. Keep that in mind. You are IN the dog pound.
PAULA He-he-he, I know I’m barking. But really,
. you just – really know how to be – just be
. yourself – and have fun – and it’s infectious.
. Totally – unequivocab-ly – unequiv –
. totally infectious. I’m in awe.
SIMON I don’t mean any disrespect, but you have some
. big problems with drinking, drugs and partying.
. Your liver is probably completely shot,
. and your eyes are probably incapable of focusing.
. And as a role model, you would never win
. any Nobel Peace prize. But you can certainly
. pass off your harmful, hurtful song lyrics
. as being profound, and you know how to market
. yourself well. You should do okay. Off you go.
(ROCK picks up paper while staggering off.
A sloppy ACTRESS slinks in.)
SIMON How are you doing, Minsey Woeman? And what makes
. you one of America’s idol?
MINSEY Everybody wants to be me, Simon. They all
. want to live my life. Everyone thinks they
. can handle fame. But whether I can or can’t,
. I can pretend to be anything I like, so no one
. can see my flaws or who I really am - inside.
. I could be suffering, and no one would know it.
. Or care. But they all worship me, and what
. I stand for, whatever THAT IS at the moment.
. I can pretty much say anything, and people will
. believe it – just because I’m an actor.
RANDY But you have passion, babe, and I love that
. about you. Everything you do is magic.
PAULA You know, Minsey, we all love you – to pieces –
. and everything you do– it’s you– you are a star –
. so just never forget that.
(SIMON grimaces at PAULA.)
PAULA What? Stop looking at me like that.. 4
(SIMON shakes his head and looks back at MINSEY.)
SIMON Let me be perfectly honest here, Minsey,
. your entire life seems a little shaky,
. and you can’t seem to hold it together.
. You keep teetering between success and mentally
. losing it. Brilliant! It’s like I keep saying,
. if you can correctly re-invent yourself, and you
. have people behind you with really good PR and
. marketing skills, you can get away with anything.
MINSEY Thank you, Simon.
(MINSEY snatches paper from SIMON's hands as she leaves.
CHRISTIAN nonchalantly walks past.)
SIMON And you arrrrre - who?
CHRIS (stopping, unsure) Name’s Chris.
SIMON What makes you think you could be one of
. America’s idols?
CHRIS I’m not an idol, and I don’t WANT to be.
RANDY Listen up, dog, who’d you say is your favorite
CHRIS I don’t - have any.
PAULA Let’s put it this way, if you could be
. like anybody, who would it be?
CHRIS It would be - and it is - Jesus.
SIMON You’d want to be like Jesus? He wasn’t very
. popular though.
CHRIS You asked. (starts to walk on)
SIMON But - I don’t get it, Chris, don’t you want
. to experience success in your life?
CHRIS I do have success in my life. It’s all in
. how you define it.
PAULA What about happiness?
CHRIS I have more than that - I have peace and joy. 5
RANDY You don’t want to be worshipped and adored?
CHRIS I want everyone to worship and adore Jesus.
SIMON Well, what about this, then, don’t you
want to go anywhere in life?
CHRIS I’m going to have eternal life in heaven.
. What more could I want?
SIMON You don’t want riches and fame?
CHRIS I’ll have riches in heaven, but I don’t really
. care about that. As for fame? We’re all just
. people. People with struggles and problems.
. And people who need God. I really don’t care
. how many people know me. I’m just grateful
. that God knows me as one of His children.
. He is the most famous Father who ever was, is,
. or ever will be. And whoever DOES know me,
. I just hope and pray that I can be enough
. like Jesus, so that others can ultimately learn
. to know God as THEIR Father.
(CHRIS walks off with a friendly wave.)
RANDY S/he’s right, dogs. You can’t beat that.
SIMON I guess not.
(PAULA gets up to “clap”. Then they all walk off.)