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AMERICA’S IDOLS - (video example) written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC:            do not have idols or try to be one
SCRIPTURE:        1 Cor.10:6-8; 1 John 5:21
STYLE:            spoof on “American Idol”/conversation:
.                 different celebrities step in front
.                 of the judges to be critiqued as
.                 to their star-power
Cast:             RANDY, PAULA, SIMON, CHRISTIAN,
.                 ATHLETE, MARIS WILTON, ROCK STAR,
.                 MOVIE STAR, CHRIS (Christian)
Set & Props:      costumes, table, 3 chairs, papers

SCRIPT:

(RANDY, PAULA and SIMON sit at a table.)

SIMON   Next - please.

(ATHLETE steps in front of the table with attitude.)

SIMON   So tell us, Joe, what makes you think
.       you can be one of America’s idols?

ATHLETE Hey, I make lots of money playing games.
.       Chicks dig me.  Guys want to be me.
.       And I’m just cool like that. (grunts & flexes)

RANDY   I think you’ve got some great confidence, dog.
.       You’ve definitely got it.  Keep working it, dog.

PAULA   Yeah, you work it, Joe. And I’d just like to say–
.       I just think – you know – everyone loves – YOU –
.       and with that uniform - and everything – what can
.       I say? - you definitely have it, you bet!

SIMON   Well – JOE – if I’m being completely honest,
.       you have a tendency to get cocky and rough,
.       but that will actually work for you in the
.       long run, even though it will interfere with
.       your personal life.  Just like your gambling has.
.       You are certainly a big risk taker.  But
.       that can just be spun as part of your persona.
.       And just beCAUSE you get to play for a living,
.       and people buy into that “boys will be boys”
.       mantra, I’d say you have a great shot at being
.       a great American idol.  Off you go then.

(SIMON hands a paper to ATHLETE who runs off and        2
grand-stands.  A PARIS HILTON-TYPE tiptoes on
with a little wave to Simon.)

MARIS   Hi Randy!  Paula.  Hiiiiii, Simon.  I love you.

SIMON   So Maris, darling, what makes you think you
.       can be one of America’s idols?

MARIS   I’m like, really rich and really pretty,
.       and like, get what I want.  And I always look,
.       like, really good, because I can buy the best
.       clothes ever, and like, go to all the really
.       best parties.  And to say that I, like, work
.       for my own money, I just totally buy a company
.       and, like, have people do the work for me.

RANDY   You’ve got the dog pound barking, for sure.
.       (woofs and spins a fist in the air)

PAULA   You certainly LOOK – and you’re put together –
.       and with great tastes – you just – sparkle.
.       You totally sparkle.  And shine.
.       You totally have the “it” factor.  You “go” girl.

SIMON   Look Maris, seriously, you really haven’t done
.       all that much to contribute to society.  I mean,
.       you drink and drive and put others at risk.
.       Some of your projects are – questionable.
.       And what are you really known for?  It’s just
.       all completely shallow, and all about
.       how much money you have.  You don’t have
.       any real talent to speak of, do you?

PAULA   Simon!  How could you say that?

SIMON   But it’s true, right?  And if –

RANDY   Aw, come on dog!

SIMON   If you’d let me finish!... But because
.       your wealth is SO great, people will tend
.       to overlook that and think you’re great.
.       You’ll do all right, Maris.  You’ll do all right.
.       Next please.

(SIMON hands a paper to MARIS as she coolly struts by.
She does a few poses as she exits.
ROCK SINGER swaggers in, and sticks out tongue
while striking a rock-and-roll pose.)
.                                                       3
ROCK    Ahhhh, rock and roll!  Where it’s at, baby.
.       Where it’s at!  I – am – America’s idol!

RANDY   Hey man, you were meant for the dog pound.
.       Dude, just keep the vibe going.  We can dig it.
.       Keep that in mind.  You are IN the dog pound.

PAULA   He-he-he, I know I’m barking.  But really,
.       you just – really know how to be – just be
.       yourself – and have fun – and it’s infectious.
.       Totally – unequivocab-ly – unequiv –
.       totally infectious.  I’m in awe.

SIMON   I don’t mean any disrespect, but you have some
.       big problems with drinking, drugs and partying.
.       Your liver is probably completely shot,
.       and your eyes are probably incapable of focusing.
.       And as a role model, you would never win
.       any Nobel Peace prize.  But you can certainly
.       pass off your harmful, hurtful song lyrics
.       as being profound, and you know how to market
.       yourself well.  You should do okay.  Off you go.

(ROCK picks up paper while staggering off.
A sloppy ACTRESS slinks in.)

SIMON   How are you doing, Minsey Woeman?  And what makes
.       you one of America’s idol?

MINSEY  Everybody wants to be me, Simon.  They all
.       want to live my life.  Everyone thinks they
.       can handle fame.  But whether I can or can’t,
.       I can pretend to be anything I like, so no one
.       can see my flaws or who I really am - inside.
.       I could be suffering, and no one would know it.
.       Or care.  But they all worship me, and what
.       I stand for, whatever THAT IS at the moment.
.       I can pretty much say anything, and people will
.       believe it – just because I’m an actor.

RANDY   But you have passion, babe, and I love that
.       about you.  Everything you do is magic.

PAULA   You know, Minsey, we all love you – to pieces –
.       and everything you do– it’s you– you are a star –
.       so just never forget that.

(SIMON grimaces at PAULA.)

PAULA   What?  Stop looking at me like that..           4

(SIMON shakes his head and looks back at MINSEY.)

SIMON   Let me be perfectly honest here, Minsey,
.       your entire life seems a little shaky,
.       and you can’t seem to hold it together.
.       You keep teetering between success and mentally
.       losing it.  Brilliant!  It’s like I keep saying,
.       if you can correctly re-invent yourself, and you
.       have people behind you with really good PR and
.       marketing skills, you can get away with anything.

MINSEY  Thank you, Simon.

(MINSEY snatches paper from SIMON's hands as she leaves.
CHRISTIAN nonchalantly walks past.)

SIMON   And you arrrrre - who?

CHRIS   (stopping, unsure)  Name’s Chris.

SIMON   What makes you think you could be one of
.       America’s idols?

CHRIS   I’m not an idol, and I don’t WANT to be.

RANDY   Listen up, dog, who’d you say is your favorite
.       idol?

CHRIS   I don’t - have any.

PAULA   Let’s put it this way, if you could be
.       like anybody, who would it be?

CHRIS   It would be - and it is - Jesus.

SIMON   You’d want to be like Jesus?  He wasn’t very
.       popular though.

CHRIS   You asked.  (starts to walk on)

SIMON   But - I don’t get it, Chris, don’t you want
.       to experience success in your life?

CHRIS   I do have success in my life.  It’s all in
.       how you define it.

PAULA   What about happiness?

CHRIS   I have more than that - I have peace and joy.   5

RANDY   You don’t want to be worshipped and adored?

CHRIS   I want everyone to worship and adore Jesus.

SIMON   Well, what about this, then, don’t you
want to go anywhere in life?

CHRIS   I’m going to have eternal life in heaven.
.       What more could I want?

SIMON   You don’t want riches and fame?

CHRIS   I’ll have riches in heaven, but I don’t really
.       care about that.  As for fame?  We’re all just
.       people.  People with struggles and problems.
.       And people who need God.  I really don’t care
.       how many people know me.  I’m just grateful
.       that God knows me as one of His children.
.       He is the most famous Father who ever was, is,
.       or ever will be.  And whoever DOES know me,
.       I just hope and pray that I can be enough
.       like Jesus, so that others can ultimately learn
.       to know God as THEIR Father.

(CHRIS walks off with a friendly wave.)

RANDY   S/he’s right, dogs.  You can’t beat that.

SIMON   I guess not.

(PAULA gets up to “clap”. Then they all walk off.)