.           all rights belong to Tanis Harms –
.             refer to
www.church-skits.com

AD MEN     - written by Tanis Harms
TOPIC:       marriage
SCRIPTURE:   Eph.5:21-31
Style:       comedy/conversation: HUSBAND and WIFE
.            compete in the boardroom to come up
.            with the "perfect ad" campaign
.            for the perfect couple get-away
Cast:        BOSS, WIFE, HUSBAND
Set & Props: table, 3 chairs

SCRIPT:

(BOSS sits at the head of a table.  WIFE and HUSBAND sit
at either side.)

BOSS     So, our clients want the best ad campaign
.        for “Get-Away-Resort’s perfect vacations.”
.        They would like us to use the perfect marriage
.        as their platform.  As you two are married
.        to each other, we thought you’d be the best
.        employees to work on this project.  AND,
.        you’re both Christians, right?  That MUST mean
.        you have an extra “leg-up” on everyone.

(BOSS does an air-quote with “leg-up”.)

HUSBAND  Hmm, well, let’s see here.  PERFECT marriage,
.        you say?  And what sort of retreats?

BOSS     They have all sorts of packages: health spas,
.        beach and boating resorts, golfing retreats -

(Throughout the skit, both HUSBAND and WIFE do air-quotes
wherever there are quotation marks.)

WIFE     Oh, I’ve got one!  The “perfect” Get-Away-Resort
.        GOLFING retreat for every married couple:
.        golfing under par – good;
.        getting a personal best - better;
.        “beating” your husband in a game – priceless.

BOSS     Hmm, well, sounds a little aggressive and –
.        competitive, doesn’t it?

HUSBAND  Oh, I have a better idea!

(HUSBAND sits up straight and ready for action.)
.                                                       2
HUSBAND  Get-Away-Resorts: the perfect “place”
.        to get married.  Because -
.        getting married - is good;
.        marrying a man who has a job - is better;
.        but marrying a man who earns “enough” money
.        to even take her to a place like this
.        because he has to satisfy a greedy wife
.        who has a big time shoe-shopping-habit
.        and loves only the “finest”
.        fanciest things – priceless.

WIFE     Hey!  That’s getting just a little too personal,
.        don’t you think?  Okay, so then how about:
.        The perfect “Get-Away” Resort – where married
.        couples can go “together” but stay apart.
.        Wives can enjoy the lovely relaxing spa,
.        while husbands can go fish and “get lost”
.        at sea.

HUSBAND  So that’s how you want to play?  Then how about:
.        The perfect Get-Away-“ONE-STOP”-Resort where
.        you can have “everything” at your fingertips:
.        marriage ministers, marriage counselors,
.        or divorce lawyers – it’s all there and
.        it’s all “your choice” at your convenience.

BOSS     Ah, what’s going on?  From the looks of things,
.        you two do not have that perfect marriage.
.        You don’t even have an “almost-good” one!
.        I mean, this is so - contentious.

HUSBAND  What?  (dubiously)  We love each other.

BOSS     You do?

WIFE     Surrree we love each other.

BOSS     It sounds more like you both - love to fight.

HUSBAND  AND win.

WIFE     Hey, I didn’t say it.

HUSBAND  You were thinking it – I just said it first.

(WIFE does a finger notch in the air.)

WIFE     Score!

BOSS     All right.  Time out.  Don’t you even          3
.        respect each other?  I mean, aren’t
.        married couples – “one”?  Like “one body”
.        or something?  Don’t you respect your own body?
.        Aren’t you splitting yourself up?
.        I really need you to work together, here.

WIFE     We do work together.

BOSS     No, I mean – work TOGETHER – as in
.        “group effort” – as in “team” work.

WIFE     (tiny voice, holds both index fingers up)
.        Hoo-rah.

BOSS     That’s it.

HUSBAND   (bigger voice) HOO-RAH.

WIFE     HOOOOOO-RAAAAH!!!!

BOSS     Okay, now you’re just competing again.

WIFE     I win.

BOSS     (muttering)  You look more like a loser.

HUSBAND  Ha!  That means I win.  You’re the loser.

BOSS     No, I mean, you BOTH look like losers.
.        You’re a TEAM, remember?  Togetherness –
.        unity – and all that.

WIFE     Hmmm, that seems to be a bit of a detail.

HUSBAND  You’re right.  We need to work on this.

BOSS     Onnnn the campaign or on your marriage?

WIFE &
HUSBAND  Both!!!  Obviously.

BOSS     Wow, you actually agreed on something.

HUSBAND  (surprised)  Ha, and it – actually
.        felt really good.

WIFE     It did.  We WILL do this!  We will
.        get to work on this right away.

HUSBAND  (to BOSS)  You will have the best ad campaign  4
.        ever.  When we decide something and
.        put our minds to it - it happens.

WIFE     We’ve just never really decided to do THIS.

BOSS     And here I thought you were - Christians.
.        I thought that would make some kind
.        of difference.

(HUSBAND and WIFE look at each other.)

HUSBAND  Sadly, we’ve never really used that
.        to our advantage either.  Huh,
.        what a bad testimony we’ve been.
.        I mean, if there’s any time to be a good ad man,
.        it’s for God’s kingdom, and –
.        we have been terrible.

WIFE     The worst.  The word “divorce”
.        shouldn’t even be in our vocabulary.

HUSBAND  Christianity SHOULD make a difference.
.        We have GOD on our team.  I mean,
.        WE are on God’s team.

WIFE     And THAT is the winning team!  My parents
.        had a great marriage and always said,
.        “The closer you both get to God, the closer
.        you get to each other.”

HUSBAND  My parents always told me that
.        “God never fails - so I should make God
.        the pillar and foundation of my marriage –
.        so the marriage will never fail.”

BOSS     Sounds like your parents had a few pretty good
.        ad campaigns for marriage.

WIFE     They did.

HUSBAND  Okay, so what you say we - get back to the
.        “drawing board”.

WIFE     “Excellent idea.”

(After doing the final air-quotes, they exit together.)