. all rights belong to Tanis Harms –
. refer to www.church-skits.com
AD MEN - written by Tanis Harms
Style: comedy/conversation: HUSBAND and WIFE
. compete in the boardroom to come up
. with the "perfect ad" campaign
. for the perfect couple get-away
Cast: BOSS, WIFE, HUSBAND
Set & Props: table, 3 chairs
(BOSS sits at the head of a table. WIFE and HUSBAND sit
at either side.)
BOSS So, our clients want the best ad campaign
. for “Get-Away-Resort’s perfect vacations.”
. They would like us to use the perfect marriage
. as their platform. As you two are married
. to each other, we thought you’d be the best
. employees to work on this project. AND,
. you’re both Christians, right? That MUST mean
. you have an extra “leg-up” on everyone.
(BOSS does an air-quote with “leg-up”.)
HUSBAND Hmm, well, let’s see here. PERFECT marriage,
. you say? And what sort of retreats?
BOSS They have all sorts of packages: health spas,
. beach and boating resorts, golfing retreats -
(Throughout the skit, both HUSBAND and WIFE do air-quotes
wherever there are quotation marks.)
WIFE Oh, I’ve got one! The “perfect” Get-Away-Resort
. GOLFING retreat for every married couple:
. golfing under par – good;
. getting a personal best - better;
. “beating” your husband in a game – priceless.
BOSS Hmm, well, sounds a little aggressive and –
. competitive, doesn’t it?
HUSBAND Oh, I have a better idea!
(HUSBAND sits up straight and ready for action.)
HUSBAND Get-Away-Resorts: the perfect “place”
. to get married. Because -
. getting married - is good;
. marrying a man who has a job - is better;
. but marrying a man who earns “enough” money
. to even take her to a place like this
. because he has to satisfy a greedy wife
. who has a big time shoe-shopping-habit
. and loves only the “finest”
. fanciest things – priceless.
WIFE Hey! That’s getting just a little too personal,
. don’t you think? Okay, so then how about:
. The perfect “Get-Away” Resort – where married
. couples can go “together” but stay apart.
. Wives can enjoy the lovely relaxing spa,
. while husbands can go fish and “get lost”
. at sea.
HUSBAND So that’s how you want to play? Then how about:
. The perfect Get-Away-“ONE-STOP”-Resort where
. you can have “everything” at your fingertips:
. marriage ministers, marriage counselors,
. or divorce lawyers – it’s all there and
. it’s all “your choice” at your convenience.
BOSS Ah, what’s going on? From the looks of things,
. you two do not have that perfect marriage.
. You don’t even have an “almost-good” one!
. I mean, this is so - contentious.
HUSBAND What? (dubiously) We love each other.
BOSS You do?
WIFE Surrree we love each other.
BOSS It sounds more like you both - love to fight.
HUSBAND AND win.
WIFE Hey, I didn’t say it.
HUSBAND You were thinking it – I just said it first.
(WIFE does a finger notch in the air.)
BOSS All right. Time out. Don’t you even 3
. respect each other? I mean, aren’t
. married couples – “one”? Like “one body”
. or something? Don’t you respect your own body?
. Aren’t you splitting yourself up?
. I really need you to work together, here.
WIFE We do work together.
BOSS No, I mean – work TOGETHER – as in
. “group effort” – as in “team” work.
WIFE (tiny voice, holds both index fingers up)
BOSS That’s it.
HUSBAND (bigger voice) HOO-RAH.
BOSS Okay, now you’re just competing again.
WIFE I win.
BOSS (muttering) You look more like a loser.
HUSBAND Ha! That means I win. You’re the loser.
BOSS No, I mean, you BOTH look like losers.
. You’re a TEAM, remember? Togetherness –
. unity – and all that.
WIFE Hmmm, that seems to be a bit of a detail.
HUSBAND You’re right. We need to work on this.
BOSS Onnnn the campaign or on your marriage?
HUSBAND Both!!! Obviously.
BOSS Wow, you actually agreed on something.
HUSBAND (surprised) Ha, and it – actually
. felt really good.
WIFE It did. We WILL do this! We will
. get to work on this right away.
HUSBAND (to BOSS) You will have the best ad campaign 4
. ever. When we decide something and
. put our minds to it - it happens.
WIFE We’ve just never really decided to do THIS.
BOSS And here I thought you were - Christians.
. I thought that would make some kind
. of difference.
(HUSBAND and WIFE look at each other.)
HUSBAND Sadly, we’ve never really used that
. to our advantage either. Huh,
. what a bad testimony we’ve been.
. I mean, if there’s any time to be a good ad man,
. it’s for God’s kingdom, and –
. we have been terrible.
WIFE The worst. The word “divorce”
. shouldn’t even be in our vocabulary.
HUSBAND Christianity SHOULD make a difference.
. We have GOD on our team. I mean,
. WE are on God’s team.
WIFE And THAT is the winning team! My parents
. had a great marriage and always said,
. “The closer you both get to God, the closer
. you get to each other.”
HUSBAND My parents always told me that
. “God never fails - so I should make God
. the pillar and foundation of my marriage –
. so the marriage will never fail.”
BOSS Sounds like your parents had a few pretty good
. ad campaigns for marriage.
WIFE They did.
HUSBAND Okay, so what you say we - get back to the
. “drawing board”.
WIFE “Excellent idea.”
(After doing the final air-quotes, they exit together.)