.          all rights belong to Tanis Harms, 2015
.             refer to www.church-skits.com

.                                – written by Tanis Harms

THEME:       new fairy tale adventures
.            with familiar characters
STORY:       fairy tale characters go to school for
.            self-improvement and learning new skill sets
STYLE:       a drama (which you can use in a talent show)
.            ideal for weeklong kids’ creative arts camp.
.            The drama is designed so that every kid
.            can have a featured part (main or bit).
.            Pick and choose from the option bits,
.            or combine bits where it makes sense.  
.            To teach different skill sets,
.            do songs and/or dances at the beginning
.            and/or at the end of the drama.

.            $15.00 USD to receive a WORKSHOP PACKAGE
What it is & how does it work?

CAST:        PRINCIPAL (can be the director, especially
.              if the kids need dialogue prompting);
.            ASSISTANT (can be an assistant director
.              to help usher in and place kids on stage);
.            (teachers below can be group leaders...)
.            GROUP/OPTION 1:  TEACHER 1, WOLF 1-9
.              (you can have more or less)
.              3 BLIND MICE
.            GROUP/OPTION 4:  TEACHER 4,
.            GROUP/OPTION 5:  TEACHER 5,
.              PAPA (or Momma) BEAR, LITTLE PIG,
.              (Belle’s) FATHER
.              SLEEPING BEAUTY, BELLE, ex-BEAST,
.              (Cinderella’s) PRINCE, THUMBELINA,
.              QUEEN OF HEARTS

SET:         it’s as simple as using imagination           2

PROPS:       ASSISTANT’s pen, clipboard, script;
.            ALL TEACHERS could have a clipboard
.               (which can have their script bit)
.              HANSEL & GRETEL’s candy,
.              JACK & JILL’s pails,
.              JACK NIMBLE’s candlestick,
.              HUMPTY DUMPTY’s round hat (maybe),
.              3 BLIND MICE’s canes and maybe ears;
.            BOY BLUE’s horn,
.              MARY’s shepherd staff, FAIRY’s wings
.            RABBIT’s ears and pocket watch, CAT’s ears,
.              DOROTHY’s basket, SCARECROW’s hat
.            BEAR’s ears, PIG’s tail (or labels for both),
.              ALADDIN’s genie lamp,
.            THUMBELINA’s wings, QUEEN OF HEART’s crown


(ASSISTANT and PRINCIPAL meet up with each other on stage.)

PRINCIPAL    Hello, assistant Getit.

ASSISTANT    Principal Wiseman.  Um, there seems to be some
.            rumblings within the school classrooms lately.
.            I have received a few ill reports about
.            teachers feeling unappreciated.

PRINCIPAL    Thank you, assistant Getit.
.            I think it wise to sit in on a few classes
.            today and look into this issue.
.            Which class is first on the schedule?


ASSISTANT    How to Blow Down a House.

(TEACHER 1 enters, followed by LITTLE WOLVES 1-9.
TEACHER 1 stands at the head of the “classroom.”)

TEACHER 1    Attention class.  Good morning.
.            Today, we will practice what we have learned
.            about blowing down a house.
.            Who will be the first wolf to try?
.            Remember, your words must be clear,
.            and your huff and your puff must be strong.

(WOLF 1 raises hand and steps forward.  Each wolf can use
different funny voices and blow in different funny ways.)
.                                                          3
WOLF 1       Let me come in, or I’ll huff and I’ll puff
.            and I’ll BLOWWWW your house down.

(As WOLVES blow, they blow toward TEACHER 1, who uses arms
and postures in different ways to protect themselves.
WOLF 1 finishes and WOLF 2 steps forward.)

WOLF 2       Let me come in, or I’ll huff and I’ll puff
.            and I’ll blow your house down.  (blows)

(WOLF 2 finishes and WOLF 3 steps forward, etc.
Maybe one of them gets dizzy and lightheaded,
another one could get really worked up and intense, etc.
until all WOLVES have had their turn...  THEN
TEACHER 1 uses both arms to wipe the “spit” off.
TEACHER 1 exits and WOLVES follow.
PRINCIPAL turns to ASSISTANT to comment.)

PRINCIPAL    Okay, I can understand why that teacher
.            may just feel a little unappreciated.
.            I think for this class,
.            we should maybe get a little house
.            for them to practice blowing down.
.            That, or a big spit-guard.
.            Which class is next?

(ASSISTANT makes a notation, then checks schedule.)


ASSISTANT    Putting Safety First.

(TEACHER 2 enters, followed by
HANSEL and GRETEL, who each carry a candy;  
JACK and JILL, who each carry a pail;
JACK NIMBLE, who carries a candlestick;  HUMPTY DUMPTY;  and
the 3 BLIND MICE, who each have use a cane to feel the way.)

TEACHER 2    For today’s class, let us review what
.            we have learned about putting safety first.
.            Hansel and Gretel, do you wish to begin?

HANSEL       We must always remember stranger-danger.

GRETEL       Never eat candy from a house –
.            unless you know the owners,
.            AND if your parents say that it is okay.
.            BUT – we REALLY love candy.

(TEACHER 2 nods agreement when the answer is correct,      4
but becomes frustrated every time they mention candy.)

TEACHER 2    Jack Be Nimble?

JACK NIMBLE  Do not play with fire.  And...
.            jumping OVER fire is another bad idea.

JACK         Well, even when you’ve climbed the same hill
.            a thousand times to fetch water,
.            always be careful.

JILL         And when someone falls down,
.            never laugh at them.  Or you could be next.

(TEACHER 2 nods agreement.)

JILL         Although, it WAS really funny.  Ha ha ha.

JACK         Yeah, and you should have seen yourself.

(JACK mocks screams like a girl, then he and JILL
laugh hysterically.  TEACHER 2 shakes head with dismay.)

TEACHER 2    Humpty Dumpty?

HUMPTY       Climbing walls and sitting on them –
.            never a good idea.   But –
.            to my defense – I think I kind of fell asleep.
.            So, never fall asleep when you climb
.            or sit on walls.

(TEACHER 2 slaps forehead at this last bit.)

TEACHER 2    3 Blind Mice?

MOUSE 1      Do not play with sharp objects.

MOUSE 2      Knives are dangerous.

MOUSE 3      So are angry butcher wives.

(TEACHER 2 nods agreement, then shakes head adamantly
at the following comments...)

MOUSE 1      Although, we do love cheese.

MOUSE 2      Yep.  As much as Hansel and Gretel love candy.

MOUSE 3      (sniffs the air)  I think I smell some now.
.                                                          5
(3 BLIND MICE sniff the air and start wandering offstage.)

HANSEL       I believe I smell candy.

GRETEL       Um, you can’t smell- . . . Let’s go!

JILL         Time to fetch water.

JACK         I’ll race you!

JACK NIMBLE  I need to buy something that starts
.            with “fire”.

HUMPTY       Ahhhhh...

(HUMPTY can’t think of anything, then quickly runs off
with the rest of them.  TEACHER 2 throws hands up
in the air in surrender while exiting.)

PRINCIPAL    I believe this class needs a whole new
.            lesson strategy.  Perhaps invite the parents.
.            What’s the next class?

(ASSISTANT makes a notation, then checks schedule.)


ASSISTANT    Being a Better Farmer.

(TEACHER 3 enters, followed by LITTLE BOY BLUE, MASTER,
and FAIRY enter.)

TEACHER 3    Hello class.  Today I think,
.            we should share our farming tips,
.            because sometimes the best way to learn
.            is from each other.  To hear
.            what has either worked or not worked.
.            Let us start with you, Little Boy Blue.

(LITTLE BOY BLUE clears his throat to begin and
holds up his little trumpet.)

BOY BLUE     Yes, well, I am usually called
.            when there is an emergency.
.            When the cows and sheep escape,
.            I blow my horn to alert the farmhands
.            so we can round up all the animals
.            and get them back to safety.
.                                                          6
MARY         Perhaps you need to fix your fences.
.            I mean, why leave it until it’s an emergency?
.            Animals are very expensive.
.            As well, they are very precious things
.            that are very dear to us.
.            I keep my sheep very close by –
.            unlike some people.
.            Right, Little Bo Peep?

BO PEEP      Well, I was told that when
.            I do not know where to find them,
.            I should leave them alone,
.            and they’ll come home, wagging their tails
.            behind them.  Right, Mr. Old McDonald?

McD.         Well, aahhhh, I have never heard that one.
.            Probably an old wives fairy tale.
.            But you are right when you say
.            that sheep wag their tails behind them.
.            But sheep, as well as all animals,
.            need to be cared for, so you don’t lose them.
.            I know, I have so many different types
.            on my farm.  It comes down to
.            keeping the fences in good shape.

MASTER       I agree.  I myself raise black sheep,
.            and they all stick around, because I try
.            to be the best master, possible.  As well,
.            they consistently provide wool, 3 bags full,
.            for myself, and all my neighbors, including
.            the little boy who lives down the lane.
.            I’m most curious what Garden Mary
.            would say to all this.

GARDEN MARY  And I thank you for that, because I would be
.            very angry if ANY animals came into my garden.
.            That is one of my gardening tips –
.            do not let anything or anyone –
.            trample through the garden.
.            Or I shall chase you right out of there!
.            My other tip is to plant everything
.            in very straight and tidy rows!

(GARDEN MARY motions out rows, then starts
numbering off flowers.  ALL roll their eyes.)

GARDEN MARY  And every garden should include
.            silver bells, cockle shells, and-

JACK         I agree with you, Mary, although,             7
.            I find you a little contrary.  But I would
.            like to warn people:  make sure you know
.            exactly WHAT you are planting.  Ah, I’m Jack,
.            and some of you might remember me.
.            I traded our cow for some magic beans.
.            But - when they were planted -
.            what came out of that was a giant beanstalk,
.            which just- lead to a scary world of giants.
.            So be smart and be careful.  Now, I see
.            there’s a fairy, sitting beside me.
.            I’m sure she has her own take on things.

FAIRY        Yes.  Now, my advice which I gave to
.            a woman, a long, long time ago,
.            was this.  She had asked me where she
.            could find a little child to call her own.
.            So I gave her a very special barleycorn
.            and told her to put it into a flower-pot.
.            I even made 12 shillings from that deal.
.            But my tip to her was to plant it with love.
.            Then, a large handsome flower grew.  And
.            when the woman kissed it, the petals opened,
.            and there was little Thumbelina.

GARDEN MARY  So ridiculous.  So if I planted those, I’d find
.            myself having to babysit tons of miniature
.            people?  I know nothing about that.  

TEACHER 3    Ah, neither do I!  Lessons about caring
.            for miniature children are in the classroom
.            just down the hall.

(After giving this some thought, LITTLE BOY BLUE,
MARY, MASTER, GARDEN MARY and FAIRY all quickly exit.
TEACHER 3 shrugs and follows quickly after.)

PRINCIPAL    Ah, I don’t think we actually have a class
.            that teaches that.  Perhaps we should!
.            What’s our next class?

(ASSISTANT makes a notation, then checks schedule.)


ASSISTANT    How to Read Maps and Navigate

(TEACHER 4 enters, very cautious about leading the way
.                                                          8
TEACHER 4    This way, please.  Everyone!
.            Just pay attention and follow me.
.            Seriously, I cannot understand
.            why you characters keep getting lost.

RABBIT       I do not get lost!  I simple
.            struggle with time management.

CAT          What are you doing here then?  Should you
.            not be in the Time Management Class?

(Worried, RABBIT looks at pocket watch, then dashes out.)

RABBIT       Oh no!  I’m going to be late!  AGAIN!)

ALICE        Now what will I do?  I usually count on Rabbit
.            to lead the way to wherever I think I’m going.
.            But – curious - I wonder – where AM I going?

CAT          Where, indeed!  At the moment,
.            it seems you are going nowhere.

(ALICE stands up, then makes a decision
to exit a different way than they entered.  
TEACHER 4 points out the correct way but it is too late.)

TEACHER 4    No! Ah, I’m very certain she should be
.            right here.  But wherever she is going,
.            she’s now going the wrong way.

(CAT turns in its position so CAT can point
in Alice’s exit direction with the right arm.)

CAT          But if one faces this way, then it is
.            the right way.

TEACHER 4    Cheshire Cat – what am I to do with you?
.            You are misleading everyone.

LOST BOY     Not if we find Peter Pan!  All we have to do
.            is find Peter Pan, and follow him.

CAT          Don’t you call yourself a “lost boy”?

(LOST BOY looks down sheepishly.)

WENDY        Well, in my defense, I only got lost
.            when Tinkerbell led me through
.            a very thick cloud while flying to Neverland.
.                                                          9
CAT          Tricky-tricky-tricky.  Sometimes
.            one must learn the hard way, but
.            one must always learn whom one can trust.
.            Therefore, you should stay right here,
.            and listen to the lessons carefully.

WENDY        I have a feeling I should NOT trust you!

(WENDY stamps her foot then stomps offstage.)

TEACHER 4    No! Come back. You can trust me! Ugh.
.            Well anyway... Dorothy and Scarecrow,
.            where are your other friends?

DOROTHY      Oh.  (looking around)
.            I suppose we lost them.  In hindsight,
.            we should have asked for maps
.            and then established a point to rendezvous
.            in case we got separated.

SCARECROW    And yet, all we had to do was
.            “follow the yellow brick road”.

CAT          That’s NOT dependable.  It’s too simple.

DOROTHY      It is that simple.  We just need to
.            “follow the yellow brick road”!

SCARECROW    Yeah!  Follow the yellow brick road!

(SCARECROW puts an arm out for DOROTHY to take, then
they skip off singing “follow the yellow brick road”.
TEACHER 4 glares at CAT.)

TEACHER 4    What am I to do with you?

CAT          I thought you were to be teaching us
.            how to depend on our own skills.
.            We can only control our own paths-

(TEACHER 4 growls, then chases CAT off stage.)

PRINCIPAL    It’s pretty obvious.  We need to
.            deal with that cat.  As soon as possible.
.            What’s the next class?

(ASSISTANT makes a notation, then checks schedule.)

.                                                         10
ASSISTANT    Time Management and Negotiations.

(TEACHER 5 enters, leading in BEAR, PIG, ALADDIN, JASMINE,
her INTERPRETER, and Belle’s FATHER.)

TEACHER 5    Hello, everyone.  Welcome to
.            Time Management and Negotiations class.
.            I see that Rabbit is late - again.
.            But we shall carry on as usual.  Last time
.            I gave you some homework, asking you to think
.            through some of your past negotiations, and
.            figure out how you could have done things
.            better.  Papa Bear, why don’t you start?

BEAR         My case is real simple.  I should have
.            installed a lock and security system.
.            But because I thought I had all the time
.            in the world, one day, a little girl
.            just broke into our house.  (ALL gasp.)
.            I know.  Terrifying thought, isn’t it?
.            It sure makes a bear feel violated and
.            vulnerable.  You almost cannot put a price
.            on time and the feeling of security.

LITTLE PIG   I hear what you’re saying.  Both the other
.            little pig and I were also impatient, and
.            wanted to own our own homes.  I was the most
.            impatient, and so, I chose to build my house
.            out of straw.  Did NOT realize that this
.            particular neighborhood was crawling with
.            wolves who liked to huff and puff houses down.
.            I believe they’re graduates of this school,
.            too.  Anyway, mine was the first to go.  Then,
.            the other little pig’s house went, even though
.            his was made out of wood.  It was the third
.            little pig’s house that stayed standing, since
.            his was made of bricks.  Lesson learned,
.            I need to do more research next time.
.            And perhaps, get some insurance.  The end.

JASMINE      Well, Aladdin has already come a long way,
.            and has learned a lot.  I am very proud of him.
.            He even tries NOT to use the genies’ powers
.            for selfish gain.  And when he does ask
.            any of the genies to do something,
.            it is only in order to do good things.
.            I think the answer is being content
.            with what you have...  And hard work.
.                                                         11
ALADDIN      Ah, thank you, Jasmine.  But if I look back,
.            my biggest mistake was falling for all the lies
.            and tricks of Mustapha.  After my father
.            had died, this stranger came along saying
.            that he was my father’s rich brother,
.            and that he wanted to help us.
.            Crazy!  We did not stop to question
.            whether or not he really was my uncle.
.            We could have asked questions as simple as,
.            “Which meal did my father dislike
.            since childhood?” or
.            “What was my father’s favorite color?”
.            We were far too desperate and impatient
.            to make any wise decisions, and so,
.            we only heard what we wanted to hear.

MAIDEN       I, too, was desperate.  Far too desperate,
.            and far too trusting.  And because of that,
.            I kept on making some really bad deals
.            with a little elf known as Rumpelstiltskin.
.            Although, I didn’t even bother
.            to learn his name until I was threatened
.            to the point of death.  Lesson learned,
.            and it’s the same lesson as Aladdin’s -
.            get to know who you are dealing with.

FRIEND       Ha!  As your friend, just let me say this:
.            I think it all started when you bragged
.            about how your straw-like hair was so golden.
.            THAT, right there, made the Miller
.            think you could turn straw into gold.
.            He then locked you up and expected you
.            to do just that.  I’d say, your lesson was
.            not to brag about things.  Especially,
.            bragging about things you actually cannot do.

MOTHER       I’m Jack’s mother.  And I would say,
.            my mistake was just plain stupidity.
.            I trusted my son to sell our cow.  The cow
.            was old and had stopped producing milk,
.            so I thought - we should at least get
.            a bit of money for it.  But - why did I not
.            make sure Jack understood that?  Why?  WHY?
.            Instead, he brought home a few beans.
.            The person told him they were MAGIC beans.
.            Yeah, the last thing we needed was
.            a giant beanstalk which led to so much trouble.
.            And danger!  We can always get smarter!
.            And that’s why I’m back in school.
.                                                         12
(LITTLE MERMAID steps forward nodding with big motions.)

INTERPRETER  The Little Mermaid agrees with the maiden
.            and Jack’s mother.  She should have thought
.            before making her deal.

(MERMAID makes her arms swim.)

INTERPRETER  She once was a mermaid, but after
.            seeking out a...

(MERMAID makes some ugly faces.)

INTERPRETER  Ahhhh, some kind of creepy, eely sea-being-

(MERMAID shrugs and puts 2 fingers together.)

INTERPRETER  She says that’s close enough.  Hey!
.            As an interpreter, I’ve never come across
.            this type of sea-sign language before.
.            I’m just doing my best here.
.            I suppose I should have negotiated
.            this arrangement better.  Ha-ha-ha-

(MERMAID puts hands on hips.)

INTERPRETER  Oh, sorry, continue.

(MERMAID motions to and with her legs,
then puts a hand close to chest,
then gestures up and out from her mouth.)

INTERPRETER  So because of the Little Mermaid’s
.            bad negotiating skills, she gained legs,
.            but lost her voice.

(MERMAID pretends to write something.)

INTERPRETER  And on and on it goes.  Obviously,
.            she hasn’t worked out all fine print yet.
.            Hopefully she read all the fine print.

(MERMAID shrugs and shakes her head sadly.)

FATHER       I feel bad for the Little Mermaid, I do.
.            And I also feel bad for the deal that
.            I made, because it was very selfish.

(FATHER takes a moment to compose himself.)
FATHER       I had gone on a trip and when it             13
.            started storming, I found shelter at a castle –
.            which I thought was empty.  Before leaving,
.            I picked a rose to bring home to my daughter,
.            Belle, when a Beast jumped out and said that
.            he would kill me, unless I gave him
.            my daughter.  I didn’t want to die.
.            I really didn’t.  It was very selfish of me.

(FATHER stats to sob into his hands.  
The REST scowl at TEACHER 5.)

JASMINE      Now look what you’ve done.
.            You’ve made us all feel very bad.

(ALL start to approach TEACHER 5.)

TEACHER 5    No-no, you don’t understand.
.            This is so you never- ah-  Sorry?

(TEACHER 5 rushes out, with ALL chasing after.)

PRINCIPAL    We need to find a way to make that class
.            just a little more positive and happy.
.            Now, what’s our last class of the day?

(ASSISTANT makes a notation, then checks schedule.)


ASSISTANT    How to be a Better Prince and Princess.

PRINCE, THUMBELINA and QUEEN enter, they all say,
“After you” and motion for others to go ahead of them.
TEACHER 6 finally makes way to head of class.)

TEACHER 6    Oh!  Just get inside already
.            or we’ll never begin!  Ah, sorry.
.            Sorry for that outburst, everyone.
.            A lesson, more for me, I suppose,
.            on how to be a better prince and princess.
.            I can see everyone is very super polite,
.            But I’m sure we all have things
.            that we can work on.  Let us go down the row
.            and say where and how you can improve.
.            And because you all look alike, pretty much,
.            please remind me again of your names.

(Throughout, SLEEPING BEAUTY struggles to stay awake.)    14

SNOW QUEEN   I am the Snow Queen.  I struggle with anger
.            and thus turn things into ice and snow.
.            Therefore I need to deal with my anger,
.            and learn how NOT to LET IT GO out of control.

SNOW WHITE   My name is Snow White.  I cannot make it snow.
.            Maybe I should learn how to do that?
.            Or not.  I don’t know.  I guess I’m perfect.
.            Should I be more of a damsel in distress?
.            Like, “Oh, help me.  Save me.  Please!”

RAPUNZEL     (guffaws, momentarily jolting SLEEP B. awake.)
.            Seriously.  No one is perfect.  And being
.            a damsel in distress like that is not good.
.            I mean, asking for help is good, I suppose.
.            But I would say you were a little naïve.
.            And that is NOT a good thing.  Anyway.  
.            Ahhhh, let me think, there must be something
.            about myself that I need to improve.
.            Ahhhhh, I’m Rapunzel, with gorgeous long hair,
.            (trying to feel her hair and finds it short)
.            oh, which I cut off to give to locks of love.
.            Ugh!  Okay, I was a little rude before
.            to Snow White.  And I’m sorry.  Obviously,
.            I should watch what I say and how I say it.

SWAN         I am the Swan Princess.  I too must definitely
.            learn not to speak before I think.

struggles to open her eyes.)

SWAN         Sleeping Beauty!  Really!  Are we that boring?
.            (quieter again)  Sorry.

SLEEPING B.  What?  I should try to sleep more at night.
.            I just thought that after a hundred years
.            of sleeping, I could skip that. Thought I could
.            play games and read books instead of sleeping.
.            I will start to work on that right now...
.            (nods off, wakes up)  I mean, tonight.

BELLE        I am Belle, and I know I must always work on
.            not judging someone based on their looks.
.            We should get to know someone first.

BEAST        I am the prince, who was once known
.            as the Beast.  I must also work on that.
.                                                         15
PRINCE       I am the prince who married Cinderella.
.            To be a polite and smart prince, it is always
.            a good idea to learn and remember
.            a person’s name when you meet them.
.            It could save you a ton of time later.

THUMBELINA   I’m Thumbelina, and I try to work on
.            being nice to those less fortunate
.            and never expecting anything in return.
.            Like taking care of injured sparrows.
.            You never know when you’ll need their help.

TEACHER 6    Ah, isn’t that kind of expecting something
.            in return?

QUEEN OF H.  You are so right.  OFF WITH HER HEAD!

TEACHER 6    Okay, so THAT is all wrong.

QUEEN OF H.  And just who are you to tell us anything?
.            Huh?  OFF WITH YOUR HEAD.

TEACHER 6    I’m the teacher- ahhhh...

QUEEN OF H.  I’ll teach you a lesson you’ll never forget!

(TEACHER 6 rushes out, followed by QUEEN OF H.
ALL the rest exit.)

PRINCIPAL    Ohhhh, and that class had been going so well.
.            Perhaps all that’s really needed is to add
.            some music and dancing?  Oh! Like, a ball.
.            We should throw a ball for all the teachers.

(ASSISTANT makes a notation, then checks schedule.)

ASSISTANT    Great idea!  I shall start working
.            on the details this instant.