.         all rights belong to Tanis Harms, © 2015
.             refer to www.church-skits.com

KIDS WORKSHOP – “FAIRY TALE GAME SHOWS
.                                – written by Tanis Harms

THEME:       new fairy tale adventures
.            with familiar characters
STORY:       fairy tale characters play various
.            spoofs of popular TV game shows
STYLE:       a drama (which you can use in a talent show)
.            ideal for weeklong kids’ creative arts camp.
.            The drama is designed so that every kid
.            can have a featured part (main or bit).
.            Pick and choose from the option bits,
.            or combine bits where it makes sense.  
.            To teach different skill sets,
.            do songs and/or dances at the beginning
.            and/or at the end of the drama.
.            NOTES FOR ORGANIZING A CREATIVE ARTS CAMP

.            $15.00 USD to receive a WORKSHOP PACKAGE
.            
how you receive this & package description

CAST:        MAIN HOST (can be the director);
.            (hosts below can be group leaders if needed)
.            GROUP/OPTION 1 (“Pass the Words”):  HOST, CAT,
.              RABBIT, ALICE, HATTER, COOK, QUEEN OF HEARTS
.            GROUP/OPTION 2 (“Risk the Questions”):  HOST,
.              SCARECROW, MUSTAPHA, THUMBELINA, QUEEN
.            GROUP/OPTION 3 (“Try and Bargain”):  HOST/HOOK,
.              TINKERBELL, JACK HORNER, RAPUNZEL, HUNTSMAN,
.              OZ, PRINCESS, GLINDA, FAIRYGODMOTHER, GENIE
.            GROUP/OPTION 4 (“The Cost is Real”):HOST,ASST.,
.              RUMPELSTILTSKIN, EMPEROR, ROBIN HOOD, JACK,
.              STEP-SIS 1-2, MOTHER HUBBARD, SHOEMAKER, ELF
.            GROUP/OPTION 5 (“Match-Making Game”):  HOST,
.              PRINCE, SNOW QUEEN, CINDERELLA, GOLDILOCKS
.            GROUP/OPTION 6 (“Match-Making Game”):  HOST,
.              PETER PAN, WENDY, MISS MUFFET, GARDEN MARY
.            GROUP/OPTION 7 (“Match-Making Game”):  HOST,
.              RIDINGHOOD, PINOCCHIO, GEORGIE, CHICKEN LI’L
.            GROUP/OPTION 8 (“Happily After”):  HOST,
.              BELLE, ex-BEAST, SLEEPING BEAUTY,
.              PRINCE CHARMING, PETER PUMPKINEATER, WIFE
.            GROUP/OPTION 9 (“Family Dispute”):  HOST,
.              SNOW WHITE, DWARF 1-4, PA, MA, PIGS 1-3
.            GROUP/OPTION 10 (“Family Dispute”):  HOST,
.              CINDERELLA, PRINCE, STEP-MOM, STEP-SIS 1-2,
.              DOROTHY, LION, SCARECROW, TINMAN, GLINDA

SET:         it’s as simple as using your imagination      2

PROPS:       microphone/s for MAIN HOST, & HOSTS
.            1) CAT’s ears, RABBIT’s ears & pocket watch,
.              HATTER’s hat, COOK’s hat, QUEEN’s crown,
.              3 slips of paper
.            2) SCARECROW’s straw hat, MUSTAPHA’s turban,
.              THUMBLEINA’s fairy wings, QUEEN’s crown,
.              HOST’s list of “answers” and questions
.            3) HOOK’s hook, TINKERBELL’s wings & bell,
.              JACK’s plum pie, HUNTSMAN’s bow,
.              PRINCESS’ pea, GLINDA’s wings & wand,
.              FAIRYGODMOM’s wings & wand, genie-like lamp
.            4) ROBIN’s hat, ELF’s hat, handful of beans
.            5) SNOW QUEEN’s crown, CINDERELLA’s slippers,
.              card with questions
.            6) PETER PAN’s hat, MISS MUFFET’s hat,
.              card with questions
.            7) RED’s cape, PINOCCHIO’s hat,
.              card with questions
.            8) 8 poster boards with answers on them
.            9) HOST’s questions and answers,
.              DWARFS 1-4’s beards, 5 PIGS’ ears
.            10) HOST’s question & answers, DOROTHY’s shoes,
.              LION’s mane, SCARECROW’s straw hat,
.              TINMAN’s lid, GLENDA’s wand & wand


SCRIPT:

MAIN HOST    Good evening, and welcome to F.T.T.V.’s
.            game show night.  Where fairy tale characters
.            play to win, and we watch to have fun,
.            and maybe play along.

OPTION 1 (PASS THE WORDS)

MAIN HOST    We begin tonight with “PASS THE WORDS”.

(HOST enters with CAT & RABBIT, ALICE & MAD HATTER,
and COOK & QUEEN OF HEARTS.)

HOST         Today’s competing teams are: Cat and Rabbit,
.            Alice and the Mad Hatter, AND the Cook with
.            the Queen of Hearts.  Let’s start with
.            Cat and Rabbit!  While one of you gives clues,
.            let’s see how fast and how many words your
.            partner can guess. If you cannot guess a word,
.            say “pass”, and move on to the next word.
.                                                          3
(HOST hands slip of paper to CAT.)

HOST         Begin whenever you’re ready,
.            and the clock will start.

(The one giving the clues thinks and speaks cryptically.
HOST can nod or say “correct” whenever correct,
and react negatively when incorrect.)

CAT          Time-

(RABBIT quickly pulls out pocket watch and looks at it.)

RABBIT       Pass!

CAT          (confused but continues)  Run.  Rush.

RABBIT       Pass!

CAT          When a guy and girl go out on a...?

RABBIT       PASS!

HOST         One moment.  Rabbit, do you understand
.            that you should try to guess the words?
.            Why don’t you give this another try?

CAT          Ahhhhh, you must look at your pocket...?

RABBIT       Watch!  (correct)

CAT          Because you are very late, so you better...?

RABBIT       Hurry!  (correct)

CAT          For tea!- ah- for a very important...”

RABBIT       DATE!!!  (correct)

HOST         You did it!  In 30 seconds.

RABBIT       That cannot be right.  (looks at pocket watch)

HOST         Next is Alice and Mad Hatter’s turn.

(HOST gives a slip of paper to MAD HATTER.)

HATTER       Have you any idea why a raven
.            is like a writing desk?
.                                                          4
ALICE        Ah, noooo... oh, the word must be RIDDLE.
.            (correct)

HATTER       You're entirely bonkers.  But I'll tell
.            you a secret.  All the best people are.

ALICE        I beg your pardon!  Oh!  MAD.
.            MAD must be the word.  (correct)

HATTER       There is a place.  Like no place on Earth.
.            A land full of wonder, mystery, and ?

ALICE        You’re describing Wonderland.

HATTER       Yes, but – it’s a land full of wonder,
.            mystery, and...?

ALICE        Danger!

HOST         Very good!  14 seconds.

RABBIT       That cannot be right.  (looks at pocket watch)

HOST         Let’s see if the Cook and the Queen of Hearts
.            can beat that score.

(HOST gives a slip of paper to COOK.)

QUEEN        You better give me good clues,
.            or it will be off with your head.

COOK         Cricket-

QUEEN        Bug!

COOK         (shaking head)  Polo-

QUEEN        Bear!

COOK         (shaking head)  Tennis-

QUEEN        Ball!

COOK         (shaking head)  I’m giving you examples
.            of something.  Listen carefully.  Oh, ah –
.            croquette.

QUEEN        SPORTS!!!  (correct)

COOK         Yes!  Ah- four and twenty black birds         5
.            baked in to a...?

QUEEN        Feathery mess!  Whoever thinks that
.            would be a good idea, is completely mad,
.            and they should lose their head!

COOK         Of course, but for dessert, you love...?

QUEEN        Tarts.  And if I don’t get that for
.            tonight’s dessert, you will lose your head.

COOK         Of course, but – a tart is actually
.            just a small...?

QUEEN        Pie.

COOK         Yes!  Um, cabbage...?

QUEEN        Yucky!  Icky!  Blecch!

COOK         Well, it’s not.  Not the way I cook it.

QUEEN        Please stop being so disgusting!

COOK         And if I don’t, it would be...?

QUEEN        Extra disgusting.  

COOK         Anyway, ah, what’s on top of your body?

QUEEN        My crown!

COOK         OFF WITH YOUR...?

QUEEN        Do NOT threaten me, or it’ll be off
.            with YOUR head.

COOK         That is correct!

QUEEN        I want an apology.

COOK         Why?  That was the word we needed to win.

HOST         Except that you did it in 20 seconds,
.            which means Alice and the Mad Hatter wins!

QUEEN        That means it is (to COOK)  off with your head!
.            (to ALICE & HATTER)  And yours, and yours!

RABBIT       (checks watch)  That cannot be right.         6

CAT          See, complete madness.

QUEEN        (to RABBIT and CAT)  And yours, and yours!

HOST         So the winners will receive lifetime immunity
.            from the Queen’s threats-

QUEEN        (to HOST)  And YOURS!

(QUEEN chases ALL offstage.)

MAIN HOST    Such a lively game.

OPTION 2 (RISK THE QUESTIONS)

MAIN HOST    It’s now time to play “RISK THE QUESTIONS”!
.            With everyone’s most knowledgeable
.            game show host – ALLY TREK!

(HOST enters with “answers” and faces the row with:
SCARECROW, MUSTAPHA, THUMBELINA, and QUEEN.)

HOST         Good evening, and I’m Ally Trek.
.            Our contestants today include:
.            Scarecrow from the Land of Oz,
.            Mustapha from the mysterious east,
.            Thumbelina, homegrown in an exotic tulip,
.            and the queen, also known as,
.            the wicked step-mother of Snow White.

(CONTESTANTS nod with varying expressions.)

HOST         Our topic for today is HISTORY.
.            You must answer in the form of a question.
.            The first answer is:  “She was known
.            for putting Sleeping Beauty under a spell.”

QUEEN        (raising her hand first)
.            The eighth fairy!  I mean,
.            WHO is the eighth fairy?!  And it was because
.            she was angry that she never received
.            an invitation to the birthday party.
.            One should never anger a fairy.
.            Or a queen, for that matter!
.            We can make life very difficult for others
.            if we so desired.  I can ask my magic mirror
.            anything I want, and the answer will NOT
.            be in the form of a question.
.                                                          7
HOST         Ah, you are so correct.  The next answer is:
.            “This particular fairy was jealous enough
.            to set a trap for Wendy.”

THUMBELINA   (raising her hand first)
.            Who is Tinkerbell?  And seriously,
.            who IS Tinkerbell, OR the eighth fairy?!
.            To be so mean just because one is
.            angry or jealous?  As a fairy,
.            I would never do any of those things.
.            You never know when you’re going to need
.            the help from those creatures or people.

HOST         Correct – question.  Our next answer is:
.            She may as well have been a fairy
.            because she was actually very good.

SCARECROW    (raising his hand first)
.            Who is the good witch of the NORTH
.            from the land of Oz?  Some would say,
.            “Who is Glinda”, but that is from the movie,
.            which has slightly altered true history.
.            Glinda is actually from the south.
.            I know all of this because I am from there,
.            and I have met both of them.  All very nice!
.            Both helped me realize my full potential.
.            I grew up thinking I did not have a brain.
.            Turns out, I’m a genius.  Ha!  Who knew?

HOST         You are – correct, Scarecrow.  And now
.            for the final answer, with the biggest amount
.            of points - for the win-

MUSTAPHA     This better be on the topic of HISTORY!
.            So far, I’d say all the answers have been
.            about fairies, and I don’t know anything
.            about fairies.  So, I’m watching you,
.            Ally Trek.  I could make life difficult
.            for you, too.

HOST         Sooo, ah, here is the last answer:  ahhhh...
.            These fairy-like creatures live in lamps.

MUSTAPHA     (raising his hand first)
.            Okay-okay – I actually know this one.
.            What is a genie?  And my prize for winning –
.            just better be a genie in a lamp.
.            Or – a genie in a ring.  I’m not fussy.
.            But I am still angry-
.                                                          8
HOST         I’m sorry, the prize is just
.            a bunch of points.  But, you did win!
.            Our winner for tonight is Mustapha.
.            Who should maybe be on a show like-
.            “Try and Bargain” instead.

MUSTAPHA     All right then.  I am going to try
.            to get on THAT show!

(MUSTAPHA exits and ALL follow.)

HOST         Well, thanks for playing “Risk the Questions”
.            and I’m Ally Trek who seems to really
.            risk something while giving the answers.

OPTION 3 (TRY AND BARGAIN)

MAIN HOST    Our next game show is “TRY AND BARGAIN”
.            with the game show host, Captain Hook.

(HOST/Captain Hook, and assistant, TINKERBELL enter
and stand to the side.  TINKERBELL carries and hides
some jingle bells which she uses instead of speaking.
OZ, RAPUNZEL, HUNTSMAN with a bow, JACK HORNER with a pie,
GLINDA with a wand, FAIRYGODMOTHER with a wand, GENIE,
PRINCESS enter and stand in a group toward the back.  
You can add more characters if you like.)

HOST         Arrrr.  Come everyone!  Try and Bargain!
.            Try and Bargain with me if ye dare!

(CROWD cheers and says “Pick me!-Pick me!”
HOST looks at OZ who steps forward.)

HOST         Why in the world would I pick you?

OZ           I’m the Wizard of Oz.

HOST         You’re no wizard.  I heard you’re a fake.
.            So you got nothing to bargain with.

(OZ snaps fingers with disappointment and steps back.  
CROWD gets crazy again for HOST to pick them.
RAPUNZEL steps forward.)

RAPUNZEL     I have my beautiful hair.

HOST         Ar.  Rapunzel, is it.  Where’s your hair?

RAPUNZEL     Well, right here.  (playing with her hair)    9
.            Although, it’s a little – a lot –
.            shorter than it once was.  But –
.            it WILL grow again.  I promise.

HOST         I ain’t got that kind of time.  

(RAPUNZEL looks downcast and steps back
as CROWD gets excited again.  HUNTSMAN steps forward.)

HUNTSMAN     I’m the huntsman, and I have a bow.

HOST         A bow, eh?  I could use a bow!
.            ‘Specially for hunting down that Peter Pan!
.            Okay then, let’s try a bit of a bargain.
.            Will you give me your bow for what’s
.            behind that big box there?

(TINKERBELL motions at a pretend box.)

HUNTSMAN     Ah, I don’t see a box.

(TINKERBELL jingles her anger.)

HOST         As Tinkerbell there just said,
.            use your imagination.  Trust me.
.            So?  You want to bargain?

OZ           Take it!  Take it!  Take it!

HUNTSMAN     I’m going to pass.  I’m going to keep my bow.
.            Because I too need my bow.  I’m a huntsman
.            after all.

HOST         Well that’s too bad.  Tinkerbell,
.            what was behind that box?

(TINKERBELL jingles tauntingly.)

HOST         HA!  It was a golden-ish-genie-like-lamp!

(HUNTSMAN looks sad, clutching the bow while stepping back.
CROWD gets excited again.  JACK steps forward.)

HOST         Little Jack Horner.  What-cha got there?

JACK         Ah, it’s a pie.

HOST         What kind of pie?

JACK         A – plum – pie.                              10

HOST         I don’t much like plum pies.
.            Get back in line.  Now,
.            who do we have here?  A princess?
.            You must have something there
.            to try to bargain with.

(PRINCESS steps forward.)

PRINCESS     I have a pea.  And I would like
.            to trade this for a very nice mattress.

HOST         A green pea?!  Are you crazy!
.            Don’t you have anything better?

PRINCESS     Well, I am a princess.  I pretty much
.            have everything that I want or need-
.            except for a very nice mattress.
.            I just have so much trouble sleeping!
.            And it may or may not be - because
.            someone put this pea under my mattresses.

HOST         Maybe you need one of these fairies here
.            to put you under a sleeping spell, huh?
.            Would you like a hundred year’s sleep?

PRINCESS     Perhaps I’ll be content with what I have.

(PRINCESS steps back.  GLINDA steps forward.)

GLINDA       I’m Glinda from the south.

HOST         You’ll gimmy that magic wand for something?

GLINDA       This does not work in the hands of another.
.            And it only works when I find myself
.            in my own land, but if you came for a visit-

HOST         I ain’t got that kind of time.  I’m too busy
.            doing this game, when I’m not hunting down
.            that Peter Pan.

(GLINDA steps back.  FAIRYGODMOTHER steps forward.)

FAIRY-MOM    I am the fairy godmother, and
.            ‘no-no-no,’ you cannot have my wand.
.            But I will give you one desire
.            of your heart for one desire of mine.

HOST         Then, why not just do something like that    11
.            for yourself?

FAIRY-MOM    It cannot work that way.  I can help others,
.            but alas, I cannot do anything for myself.

GENIE        Me, too.  I’m a genie who can only bestow
.            desires of other people’s hearts-

HOST         Hang on a second.  I’ll take that bargain.
.            For that lamp in that box-

GENIE        You mean your invisible golden-ish-
.            genie-LIKE-lamp!?  

HOST         Yep, that’s what I’m talking about.

GENIE        It’s not even real.  Come on.
.            Let’s make our own bargain.

HOST         Looks like there’s no bargain to be had
.            today, Tink.

(HOST growls while exiting with TINKERBELL’s jingling
while FAIRYGODMOTHER walks off arm in arm with GENIE.
CROWD follows saying, “Us too!  Us too!”)

OPTION 4 (THE COST IS REAL)

MAIN HOST    Let us move on to a game show called
.            “THE COST IS REAL”!

(HOST runs on while calling out.)

HOST         THE COST IS REAL!  COME ON DOWN AND PLAY!!!

(RUMPELSTILTSKIN, EMPEROR, ROBIN HOOD, STEP-SISTERS 1-2,
MOTHER HUBBARD, SHOEMAKER, ELF, and JACK rush on
and stand in a line, eager to play.(

HOST         I have something here in my hands.
.            After I show you want it is,
.            you are all going to take turns guessing
.            the cost.  Whoever is the closest - WINS!!!

(CROWD eagerly cheers and jumps up and down.)

HOST         Okay, so are you all ready?
.            Come on down, assistant.

(ASSISTANT enters and opens a clenched hand to display    12
a few beans.  With the other hand, ASSISTANT motions
grandly to and around them.  CROWD balks and grimaces.)

HOST         We have here – MAGIC beans.

(CROWD now oo’s and ah’s, except for JACK.  HOST begins
to move along the line to hear each character’s guess.)

HOST         Now, time to guess what the real cost is.
.            Rumpelstiltskin, what is your guess?

RUMPEL       I am going to say... one golden straw.

HOST         Okay.  It is your turn, emperor.

EMPEROR      I would say, the cost is more than
.            one fancy outfit – that is NOT invisible.

HOST         Thank you.  Robin Hood?

ROBIN HOOD   I’d say they were FREE, especially
.            if they belonged to a thief.

HOST         Step-sisters?  Any idea?  I mean,
.            you’re not really used to doing
.            any of the cooking, cleaning or shopping.

STEP-SIS 1   We do now, now that Cinderella is married.

STEP-SIS 2   But, magic beans – I don’t know.
.            Let’s say... it would cost... one magic spell?

STEP-SIS 1   From a fairy godmother!

HOST         Okay.  Old Mother Hubbard!  What do you say?

HUBBARD      Eh?  What you say?  You know,
.            I sure could use those beans.
.            My cupboard’s bare, you know.
.            I’d give you two bones, if I had any.

HOST         Okay.  Okay.  So, Shoemaker, and elf,
.            what is your guess?

SHOEMAKER    I will guess – nine shoes.

ELF          Unless they were made by me,
.            then I would say five shoes.

HOST         And this boy over here?  Any idea?           13

JACK         ONE – COW.

HOST         And we have a winner!  How- how did you know?

ASSISTANT    That’s Jack.  Well, here’s your prize.
.            What are you going to do with them?

JACK         NOT plant them, that’s for sure.
.            Perhaps I’ll use these to buy a cow.

HOST         The Cost is Real!  
.            Thanks for playing, everyone.

(JACK takes his beans and exits, followed by the rest.)

OPTION 5 (MATCH-MAKING GAME)

MAIN HOST    Up next is the “MATCH-MAKING GAME”!
.            With everyone’s favorite host,
.            and match-maker, Liv Longing!

HOST         I’m Liv Longing, here with
.            the Match-Making Game.  
.            Behind the curtain is today’s bachelorettes:
.            Snow Queen, Cinderella, and Goldilocks.

(SNOW QUEEN, CINDERELLA and GOLDILOCKS enter and
stand in a line to the side.  Already with his questions,
PRINCE enters next and stands next to HOST facing forward.)

HOST         And today, looking for his match,
.            is the prince of Somewhere Land.
.            Prince, anytime you are ready,
.            you can begin asking your questions.

PRINCE       Bachelorettes, I would like to know
.            what your perfect date would be.

SNOW QUEEN   I would like to build a snowman.

CINDERELLA   I love singing and ballroom dancing.

GOLDILOCKS   I love long hikes in the woods,
.            and going out to eat porridge.

PRINCE       Ohhhh-kay.  Ah, bachelorettes, tell me
.            one funny thing about yourself.

SNOW QUEEN   I like to build snowmen.                     14

CINDERELLA   I have very tiny feet,
.            so my shoes keep falling off.

GOLDILOCKS   (proudly and happily)  I love porridge.
.            (sternly)  But it has to be just right.

PRINCE       Interesting.  Well, last question,
.            bachelorettes: do you need to warn me
.            about anything?

SNOW QUEEN   I can make things very cold when I’m angry.

CINDERELLA   I cannot help but help all the birds
.            and animals, so I have a lot of pets.
.            I mean, like – A LOT.

GOLDILOCKS   I may – or may not – have a few bears
.            out to get me.

HOST         Alright, prince, you’ve heard them all.  So,
.            which bachelorette are you going to choose?

PRINCE       I think bachelorette number one.

HOST         You chose Snow Queen.  Now, why did you
.            choose her?

PRINCE       Because I also love building snowmen.
.            And – I can always buy a parka.

(SNOW QUEEN walks out with PRINCE, while
ALL follow after, clapping.)

OPTION 6 (MATCH-MAKING GAME)

MAIN HOST    Up next is (another) “MATCH-MAKING GAME”!
.            With everyone’s favorite host,
.            and match-maker, Liv Longing!

(Or you can make up another [replacement] host,
maybe with an excuse that Liv Long is on vacation.)

HOST         I’m Liv Longing, here (again)  
.            with the Match-Making Game.  
.            Behind the curtain is today’s bachelorettes:
.            Wendy, Little Miss Muffet and
.            Garden Mary.

(WENDY, MUFFET and MARY enter and stand in a line         15
to the side.  Already with his questions, PETER PAN
enters next and stands next to HOST facing forward.)

HOST         And today, looking for his match, is
.            Peter Pan of Neverland.  Peter, anytime you
.            are ready, you can begin asking questions.

PETER        Bachelorettes?  How would you
.            describe yourselves?

WENDY        Well, I love to take care of people.

MUFFET       I like to cook.

GARDEN MARY  I like to grow flowers.

PETER        Okay, nothing matches there.  So,
.            bachelorettes, what kind of games
.            do you like to play?

WENDY        I like to play house.

MUFFET       ME TOO!!!

GARDEN MARY  If gardening is playing house,
.            then... ME TOO!!!

PETER        Okay, well now all of them are matching.
.            Ah, okay, bachelorettes, what are you
.            afraid of?

WENDY        I am afraid of being alone.

MUFFET       I am afraid of spiders.

GARDEN MARY  I am afraid of weeds, and critters
.            getting into my garden.

HOST         Alright, Peter, you’ve heard them all.  So,
.            which bachelorette are you going to choose?

PETER        None of them.

HOST         What!  Why?

PETER        Because I thought this was a different
.            matching game.  You know, like the memory game
.            where you uncover and match different objects.

(PETER PAN walks out, followed by ALL, saying things      16
like, “But Peter, I love that game.” “Me too.” etc.)

OPTION 7 (MATCH-MAKING GAME)

MAIN HOST    Up next is (yet another) “MATCH-MAKING GAME”!
.            With everyone’s favorite host,
.            and match-maker, Liv Longing!

(Or you can make up another [replacement] host,
maybe with an excuse that Liv Long is sick
after being on vacation.)

HOST         I’m Liv Longing, here (yet again)  
.            with the Match-Making Game.  
.            Behind the curtain is today’s bachelors:
.            Pinocchio, Georgie Porgie and Chicken Li’l.

(PINOCCHIO, GEORGIE and CHICKEN enter and stand in a line
to the side.  Already with her questions, RED RIDINGHOOD
enters next and stands next to HOST, facing forward.)

HOST         And today, looking for her match,
.            is Little Red Ridinghood of the woods.
.            Red, anytime you are ready,
.            you can begin asking your questions.

RED          Bachelors, if you were to, like, write
.            a romantic song for me, how would that go?

PINOCCHIO    (sing to “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star”)
.            Little Riding Hood, you are,
.            you look like a movie star,
.            for the whole world to admire,
.            at least you don’t hang from a wire.

(PINOCCHIO acts like a puppet on that last line.
RED balks at this.)

GEORGIE      (chant to “Patty Cake, Patty Cake” cadence)
.            Little Red – Ridinghood – you look fine
.            Little Red – Ridinghood – you do shine!

CHICKEN      (rapping)  Yo, I’ve li’l in my name,
.            you and me, it’s like the same;
.            your head is in a hood,
.            and to me that’s very good,
.            yo, that red stands out so bright,
.            and there’s nothing quite so right.

RED          Wow, I’m feeling so “shining”.  Okay, so,    17
.            like, bachelors, what sort of thing
.            about you, do you NOT want me to know?

PINOCCHIO    Well, I became a little bit of a rebel
.            after I ran away in order to find myself.
.            In my defense, I just wanted to be a real boy.

GEORGIE      I kissed some girls and made them cry.
.            But I’m pretty sure those were happy tears.

CHICKEN      I did warn the world about the sky falling.
.            Even though it really didn’t happen,
.            I meant well.

RED          Okay, like – whoa.  So, ah, bachelors, like,
.            where do you see yourselves, like,
.            living in ten years?

PINOCCHIO    In ten years, I hope to be acting in a show
.            without strings attached.

GEORGIE      I’d like to think I’d be married with children.

CHICKEN      I think I’ll be running for President.

HOST         Alright, Red, you’ve heard them all.  So,
.            which bachelor are you going to choose?

RED          I think, like, I’m going to choose
.            bachelor number two.

HOST         You chose Georgie Porgie pudding and pie.
.            Now, why did you choose him?

RED          Because, like, well, if he likes pudding?
.            I know how to make, like – cookies!
.            It’s perfect!

(RED walks out with GEORGIE, while ALL follow after,
clapping.)

OPTION 8 (HAPPILY AFTER)

MAIN HOST    Stay tuned for our next game show,
.            “HAPPILY AFTER”, with Teddy Bear.

(HOST enters, followed by BELLE, ex-BEAST, SLEEPING BEAUTY,
PRINCE CHARMING, ALADDIN, JASMINE, PETER PUMPKINEATER
and WIFE, each carrying a poster paper.)
.                                                         18
HOST         And we’re back, with “Happily After”.
.            Before the break we asked each
.            newlywed a question, and they have all
.            written down their answers.  Now it’s time
.            to see if their significant other
.            can guess what they said.
.            We asked the husbands what they thought
.            was the cutest thing about you wives.
.            Ladies, what do you think they said?
.            Belle, what do you think Beast said?

BELLE        I think he said it is
.            my love for reading books.

ex-BEAST     (flipping card over)  Whhhaaaat?
.            I think the cutest thing about you
.            is your smile.

HOST         Sleeping Beauty, what do you think
.            Prince Charming said?

S.BEAUTY     Ah, the way I snore when I sleep?

CHARMING     (flipping card over)  She’s right!
.            Sometimes when she snores, she makes
.            the funniest noises...

(PRINCE CHARMING gives a cute example of snoring.)

HOST         That is cute.  Okay, Jasmine,
.            what do you think Aladdin said?

JASMINE      I think he said – my singing?

ALADDIN      (flipping card over)  Honeeeyyy...
.            it’s the way you dance.  

(ALADDIN could give a little example of a swirly
Middle Eastern type dance.)

HOST         Alright, the wife of Peter Pumpkin Eater,
.            what do you think he said?

WIFE         How I get flour all over the place
.            when I make pumpkin pies?

PETER        (flipping card over)  Actually, I said
.            I thought your nose is cute.

HOST         One point goes to only Sleeping Beauty       19
.            and Prince Charming.  This next round
.            is double or nothing for the win.
.            We asked the wives to tell us
.            how you make them laugh.
.            Men, what do you think they said?
.            Beast, what do you think Beauty said?

ex-BEAST     I think I make her laugh when...
.            I trip over things.

BELLE        (flipping card over)  Nooooo...
.            you make me laugh when you pretend
.            not to notice me – and then you act
.            all surprised when you do.

HOST         Interesting.  Okay, Prince Charming,
.            what do you think Sleeping Beauty said?

CHARMING     Sleeping Beauty thinks I’m funny
.            when I show people how she snores.

S.BEAUTY     (flipping card over)  Nah-aw!
.            I think you’re funny the way YOU snore.

(SLEEPING BEAUTY gives a snoring example.)

HOST         Oh, you two.  Okay, Aladdin, what do you
.            think Jasmine said?

ALADDIN      Jasmine thinks I’m funny when I pretend
.            to have tea with our daughter.

JASMINE      (flipping card over)  Aw, that IS so cute.
.            But, I think you are funny when
.            you try polishing the lamp WITHOUT
.            waking up the genie.

HOST         Hm, THAT I’d like to see.  Okay,
.            Peter Pumpkin Eater, what do you think
.            your wife said?

PETER        She thinks I’m funny when I walk through
.            the slimy pumpkin seeds and slip and fall.

WIFE         (flipping card over)  Hee-hee.  He’s right!
.            I warn him, and I warn him NOT to walk
.            through the kitchen when I’m making him
.            his pumpkin pies.  But he does it anyway.
.            And so, that is why it’s so funny.
.                                                         20
HOST         Peter Pumkin Eater and his wife are
.            the only ones to score two points
.            on that question.  They win the game,
.            and an all-expenses-paid vacation
.            in the finest castle-hotel.

WIFE         As long as it’s not in a pumpkin shell!

HOST         Just follow me, and we’ll send you both off
.            in style.

(ALL follow HOST offstage.)

OPTION 9 (FAMILY DISPUTE)

MAIN HOST    And now, everyone’s favorite family
.            game show – “Family Dispute” with
.            everyone’s favorite host, Puss in Boots.

(HOST enters and speaks while SNOW WHITE and DWARFS 1-4
line up on one side, and PA PIG, MA PIG and LITTLE PIGS 1-3
line up on the other side.)

HOST         I’m Boots, and this is “Family Dispute”.
.            Today’s two competing families don’t need
.            too much of an introduction.
.            On this side we have Snow white
.            and only four of the dwarves.
.            On the other side, we have papa pig,
.            mama pig and the three little pigs.
.            Let’s get the game started, shall we?
.            One hundred fairy tale poems and stories
.            were researched to find the five top answers.
.            Name a fairy tale food favorite.

(PAPA PIG throws up his hand.)

PAPA PIG     Porridge!

HOST         Yes, that’s the number one answer.
.            Now, do you wish to pass or play?

(PAPA PIG looks at his family as they jump up and down
with excitement.)

PAPA PIG     We are going to play.

HOST         Name a fairy tale food favorite.

MAMA PIG     I’m going to say – curds and whey.           21

HOST         Yes!  Name another fairy tale food favorite.

PIG 1        Tarts!

HOST         Yes, again.

(PIGS all look at PIG 2 after giving an answer.)

PIG 2        Hm... soup?  What? I’m hungry for soup.

HOST         Sorry, that is not an answer.  One strike.
.            One more strike and the other team
.            will have a chance to steal your points.

PIG 3        Ummmmm... how about... green peas.

HOST         Aw, sorry, fairy tale characters do not
.            really eat those.  They just put them
.            under mattresses to see if their wives
.            are real princesses.  Okay,
.            the other team has a chance to steal.
.            Name a fairy tale food favorite.

(DWARVES give SNOW WHITE ideas.)

DWARF 1      Pork!

DWARF 2      Liver!

DWARF 3      Peaches!

DWARF 4      PLUM - PIE!

SNOW WHITE   Boots, we are going with – plum pie!

HOST         That is correct.  The fifth answer was
.            “goodies” from Little Red Ridinghood’s basket.
.            This team gains one point, and steals
.            the three points, which makes a total of four.
.            Let’s play another round and try
.            to make it even.  One hundred fairy tale poems
.            and stories were researched to find
.            the five top answers.  Name the famous Jacks.

SNOW WHITE   (raises her hand)  Jack of the beanstalk!
.            And – we’re going to play.

HOST         Okay.  Let’s go.  Name the famous Jacks.
.                                                         22
DWARF 1      Jack be Nimble.

DWARF 2      Jack Spratt.

DWARF 3      Jack and Jill.

DWARF 4      Annnddd... Jack of all trades?
.            Jack Terrier?

HOST         Oh!  No!  And you were doing so well.
.            That was two strikes, so the other team
.            has a chance to steal your points.
.            Name a famous Jack.

(PIGS give PAPA PIG ideas.)

MAMA PIG     Little Jack Horner.

PIG 1        Jack the Ripper.

PIG 2        Jack Frost!

PIG 3        Jack in the box!

PAPA PIG     Boots, I’m going to have to go with my wife
.            on this one and say, Little Jack Horner.

HOST         And you would be correct!  This family
.            scores the one point and steals the other
.            four points which are all doubled.
.            Congratulations, you win!
.            Join us again next time for “Family Dispute”.

(SNOW WHITE and DWARF 1-4 congratulate the PIG family
as they exit.  HOST waves goodbye while exiting.)

OPTION 10 (FAMILY DISPUTE)

MAIN HOST    And now, everyone’s favorite family
.            game show (again) – “Family Dispute” with
.            everyone’s favorite host, Puss in Boots.

(HOST enters and speaks while CINDERELLA, her PRINCE,
STEP-MOTHER, STEP-SISTERS ½ enter and line up on one side,
and DOROTHY, LION, TINMAN, SCARECROW and GLINDA
enter and line up on the other side.
As each family group is introduced,
they wave to the audience and each other.)

HOST         Today’s two families don’t need too much     23
.            of an introduction, but we will anyway.
.            On this side we have Cinderella, her prince,
.            step-mother and two step-sisters.
.            On the other side we have Dorothy
.            and her friends, Lion, Tinman, Scarecrow,
.            Glinda and the Wizard of Oz.
.            Okay, get ready.  One hundred
.            fairy tale poems and stories were researched
.            to find the five top answers.
.            Name fairy tale things that come in threes.

DOROTHY      (raises her hand)  The three little pigs!

HOST         That’s correct.  Dorothy, do you
.            want to pass or play?

(DOROTHY looks back to see LION, SCARECROW, TINMAN, OZ
and GLINDA all jumping up and down eagerly.)

HOST         I see that you all want to play.
.            Okay, Lion, name fairy tale things
.            that come in threes.

LION         Three little kittens.

HOST         Correct.  Scarecrow?

SCARECROW    Three blind mice.

HOST         Awesome.  Tinman?

TINMAN       Three Billy goats gruff.

HOST         You are on a roll.  Last but not least,
.            Glinda?

GLINDA       The... three bears.

HOST         Perfect score of five.  Let’s move to
.            the next round where points are double.
.            One hundred fairy tale poems and stories
.            were researched to find the five top answers.
.            Name the top five fairy tale villains.

CINDERELLA   (raises her hand)  Snow White’s step-mother.

HOST         Correct.  Cinderella, do you want
.            to pass or play?

(PRINCE, STEP-MOTHER and STEP-SISTERS 1-2                 24
nod their heads very seriously.)

HOST         Okay, Cinderella’s husband, who do you say?

PRINCE       The eighth fairy.

HOST         Yes.  And now, Cinderella’s stepmother,
.            Name a fairy tale villain.

STEP-MOM     Me.  Cinderella’s stepmother.
.            But, I am nicer now.

HOST         You are correct, and that’s very good to hear.
.            Stepsister, name a famous fairy tale villain.

STEP-SIS 1   Hm, I will say Mustapha.

HOST         Yes, the man who made Aladdin’s life miserable.
.            Now, the other stepsister, name a famous
.            fairy tale villain for the win.
.            If you cannot, the other team will have
.            a chance to steal your points.

(STEPSISTER 2 sees the other side whispering with excitement
then suddenly thinks of the answer.)

STEP-SIS 2   Oh!  Of course, the wicked witch of the west!

HOST         And you would be correct!  This family
.            scores all five points which are all doubled.
.            Congratulations, you win!
.            Join us again next time for “Family Dispute”.

(DORTHY’s group congratulates the CINDERELLA family
as they exit.  HOST waves while exiting.)

MAIN HOST    And that’s all the game shows for tonight,
.            folks, have a grand time,
.            and stay happily ever after.
.            Now stay tuned for...