.          all rights belong to Tanis Harms, © 2015
.             refer to
www.church-skits.com

GIFTS FROM THE TOYMAKER - written by Tanis Harms

PREMISE:   The toymaker creates his toys
.          with the hope that they will bring joy
.          to the kids who get them.  In turn,
.          that brings him joy.  Retiring for the day,
.          the lights go out, and the toys come to life.
.          A renegade puppet lures the rest of the toys
.          into a life of selfishness.  When they see
.          that this existence is not what it pretends
.          to be, and there isn’t really joy to be found
.          in that, they decide to live the life
.          that the toymaker purposed for them.
STYLE:     musical fantasy, comedy (allegory)
SCRIPTURE: Gal.5:1-26; 1 Cor.12:1-4, 14:1-12; Eph.5:9,
.          James 3:17;
TOPIC:     gifts to serve
NOTES:     
for CAST, COSTUMES, SET, PROPS, MUSIC

.            $25.00 USD to receive a DIRECTOR’S SCRIPT
.                                   (plus sheet music)
.            
how you receive this & package description


SCRIPT:                  STAGE RIGHT:
.                     (small work bench)

(SOUND of a bell tinkling as a door opens.
TOYMAKER enters with CLIENT following, and
motions toward his workbench where 15 dolls
are in various poses in a row:
clown, nurse, soldier, Margie, Ben, cowboy, native,
ragboy, raggirl, stuffed cat, stuffed dog,
nanny, baby, superhero and ballerina.  [or 2 rows
if you have built a ledge on the main stage])

CLIENT    I’m sorry to come at such a late hour.
.         One of the little girls had a high fever
.         and had to be brought to the hospital.

MAKER     I hope she’s okay.

CLIENT    Yes, the hospital just called and said      2
.         I can pick her up and bring her back.

(While CLIENT talks, TOY MAKER counts the dolls with
a bit of a confused expression, and scratches his head.)

MAKER     You said you needed 16 toys?

CLIENT    There are 16 children at the orphanage.
.         We’re throwing them a Christmas celebration
.         tomorrow evening.

MAKER     Will these do?

CLIENT    And how!  They all look splendid!

MAKER     Except, I only count 15.  Funny.
.         I KNOW that I made 16.

(TOY MAKER looks under and around his workbench.
CLIENT waves it off.)

CLIENT    I’m sure it’s here somewhere.

MAKER     (chuckling)  Yes.  Indeed.
.         The little puppet has to be SOMEwhere.

CLIENT    Hm, well –

MAKER     Do not worry.  Go and take care of that
.         little girl.  I’ll have 16 toys for you
.         to pick up tomorrow morning.  Some of
.         the glue still needs to set overnight.  
.         (picks up clown, gently touches its nose)
.         Like with this one here – we would not
.         want his nose to fall off, now would we?
.         For some reason, the glue is taking
.         a longer longer to dry.  Anyway,
.         by morning, it will have set,
.         and I will have found that missing puppet.

CLIENT    Excellent.  Thank you so much.  I will
.         see you tomorrow, then.  Have a good night.

MAKER     Good night.  See you tomorrow.
.                                                  3
(CLIENT leaves and TOY MAKER lays down the clown,
making sure it is in the same position as the actor
on the main stage.  TOY MAKER gives one last look around.  
Seeing a cup on the workbench, he finishes drinking
its contents, then puts it back [in the proper place].
Picking up a cloth, TOY MAKER covers the dolls
carefully, then pauses to look around the room before
turning off the light.  SIDE STAGE LIGHTS go off.)

.                       MAIN STAGE

.        (This is the exact copy of the workbench.
.           Whatever is on the small workbench,
.            needs to be here in proper scale,
.           and in the same position.  Likewise,
.            there should either be a big sheet
.           covering the stage of similar color,
.           OR the sheet on the small workbench
.      should be the same color as the stage curtains.)

(PUPPET sneaks onto stage from a far corner, like
if maybe he has been hiding behind “Margie’s” wardrobe,
even though this item is still covered by a cloth.
If you are using the stage curtains, he can come out
the side.  Tiptoeing around, PUPPET makes sure
he is alone.  PUPPET giggles mischievously into a hand
then continues.)

PUPPET     (not too loudly)  Whew, that was close.
.          But – my strings are gone, and I’m free.  
.          I’m free.  To do whatever I want.

(Reaching the edge of the stage, PUPPET stops very
short - wavering.  He almost falls over but catches
himself just in time.  Stepping backward, he wipes
his brow in relief.)

PUPPET     Whoa!  That was close!
.          (dares to inch up to edge and look down)
.          Okay, that is an awfully long way down.
.          Probably too far to jump, I’d say...
.          (looks again)  Yes, definitely too far.
.          Hmmm, I think I’m going to need some help.
.          (looks behind, then down, then behind)
.                                               4
SONG #1:   “I AM DOING SOMETHING BAD”

PUPPET     (sing, start sly and strong)
.          I am doing something bad -
.          And I’m feeling lonely.
.          Misery needs company
.          I must scheme quite boldly.
.          Maybe I can stir up grief
.          And I’ll cause a problem.
.          I could always use deceit -
.          Cause some strife among them!

(PUPPET very slowly paces as he thinks and schemes.)

PUPPET     Yes, I think I will have to
.          “stir up” some help.  But how –
.          how exactly will I do this?...
.          I suppose, I will have to
.          come up with the plan as I go.

(PUPPET studies the sheet/curtain and finally bends down
to peek underneath it.  Nodding, PUPPET pulls the sheet
off in a forward motion so the sheet lines the front edge
of the stage - or opens the stage curtains to reveal
the entire “workbench,” with all the dolls lined up
and positioned exactly as they were on the small
workbench: CLOWN, NURSE, SOLDIER, MARGIE, BEN, COWBOY,
NATIVE, RAGBOY, RAGGIRL, STUFFED CAT, STUFFED DOG,
NANNY, BABY, SUPERHERO, and BALLERINA.)

PUPPET     Psst, guys!  Psst, everyone.  Wake up!
.          Life - is passing you by!

(ALL dolls open only one eye and/or subtly,
cautiously look around.)

PUPPET     It’s okay.  The coast is clear!  There
.          are nooo people around.  See?  So wake up.
.          Time to get moving - and - grooving.

(ALL dolls slowly start to come to life and look around.
BALLERINA warms up with some stretches.  SOLDIER quickly
roams the stage and then stands at attention.)

SOLDIER    Affirmative.  The coast is clear.    5
.          We are clear to move out.
.          Move it out, dolls.

MARGIE     Are you sure?  We would not want
.          to destroy the illusion.

PUPPET     Yes, yes.  You know, you worry
.          WAY too much about appearances.

MARGIE     It’s not that!  Not that at all!

(MARGIE opens her wardrobe door to find a purse
to “go” with her ensemble, then closes the door.)

PUPPET     Sure it is.  (coyly) And, that’s okay.

(MARGIE shrugs a “why not”, then dives
into her purse for a brush then pretends to brush.
NURSE notices that there are only short pieces of
strings hanging from PUPPET’S limbs.)

NURSE      Oh, you poor dear,
.          your strings were somehow snipped.
.          I should fix that for you right away-

(PUPPET jumps away from the NURSE in a panic.)

PUPPET     Stay away.  Keep your hands, needles and
.          other fixing devices far away from me.

NURSE      But your strings are broken.
.          They should be fixed.

PUPPET     I - did that.

NURSE      You - hurt YOURSELF?

PUPPET     It did not – hurt... much.
.          But - I WANT it this way?

NATIVE     (to PUPPET)  You WANT it that way?
.          But - it’s - NOT the way it should be.
.          You should be – the way you SHOULD.

SONG #2:   “THE WAY YOU SHOULD”                   6

HERO       (sing)  YOU should have
.          all your strings on you
.          if you want your limbs to bend and move.

MARGIE     (sing)  YOU appear to be in shambles
.          with the cut-off bits, who will approve?

BEN        (sing)  Who can use you with this issue?

BALLERINA  (sing)  How can one put on a puppet-show?

NURSE      (sing)  You should let us fix this for you

NATIVE     (sing)  So you can get on,
.          the way you should.

PUPPET     (sing) I don’t need my strings for purpose
.          I can make that up, and take a chance
.          TIRED of when my strings are being pulled.
.          I don’t WANT someone to make me dance
.          No one moves me, I-III decide
.          I will do – and will be - what I want!
.          Life is too short to be stifled
.          I will make my choice,
.          you will not daunt.

HERO, SOLDIER, RAGBOY, COWBOY, BEN (sing)
.          You should have all your strings on you
.          if you want your limbs to bend and move.

MARGIE, NANNY, RAGGIRL, BALLERINA, NURSE
.          (sing) You appear to be in shambles
.          with the cut-off bits, who will approve?

ALL        (sing) Who can use you with this issue?
.          How can one - put on a – pup-pet-show?
.          You should let us fix this for you
.          So you can get on, the way you SHOULD!

PUPPET     The way I SHOULD?  Now, who exactly
.          decides that?  Huh?  I think I am fine -
.          just the way I am right now.

COWBOY     (to PUPPET)  Now what’s wrong          7
.          with you, boy?  The toymaker
.          had certain plans for you, and
.          now you won’t be in proper workin’ order,
.          which is what’s goin’ to be a problem.

(BEN pulls out a calculator from his briefcase
and quickly punches out some numbers.)

BEN        This will be a financial matter as well as
.          a productivity issue.  Let me gather and
.          process the facts and figures for you
.          and calculate the sordid ramifications.

COWBOY     (nudging NATIVE)  Who’s this city slicker
.          again, and what’s he prattlin’ on about?

NATIVE     Um, that them thar’s... Business Ben.
.          Our ace cracker-jack-number-cruncher.

COWBOY     I should maybe speak to him about
.          financing my next horse and buggy.
.          (to BEN)  How ‘bout it, pardner?

BEN        (to COWBOY)  We can schedule
.          an appointment later to pontificate...

NATIVE     (aside to COWBOY)  If you can git round
.          his strange speech impediment.

PUPPET     But what about what I want-

NURSE      Almost forgot, we need to fix this-

PUPPET     NO!

BEN        (back to PUPPET)  Yes, if you consider all
.          possible incidentals around broken strings
.          and such, the maintenance overhead will have
.          to be increased by... 5 point 2 percent.

CLOWN      Oh!  Oh!  My nose!  My nose!

(CLOWN’S nose falls off and rolls onto the floor.)

[NOTE: make sure the nose rolls in a direction    8
to easily retrieve it, and have a backup plan,
ie. extra noses in a pocket.]

(As CLOWN tries to pick up the nose, he keeps
kicking it ahead of himself.  Seeing this,
BEN quickly calculates again.)

BEN        Facial-spare-parts malfunctioning.
.          Make that - five point THREE percent!

(As focus strays from him, PUPPET waves everyone off
and finds a perch to sit and watch, and scheme!  
If you built one, he can sit on the ledge.
BABY crawls after nose and grabs for it.)

BABY       Toy!  Toy!  Toy!...

(CLOWN is kept away as CAT and DOG playfully pounce
around him and his nose.  SOLDIER steps between
the nose and EVERYONE to protect it.)

SOLDIER    Stand back.  We have a run-away nose.
.          I repeat, a run-away nose.

CLOWN      Not to be confused with a runny nose.

(SUPERHERO jumps out and strikes a hero-like-pose
with a finger pointing up.)

SUPERHERO  I’LL - SAVE IT!

(SUPERHERO swoops after the nose and scoops it up.
RAGBOY & RAGGIRL distract and play with CAT & DOG.
HERO hands the nose to CLOWN who tries to stick it
back onto his face.  NURSE rushes over to help.)

CLOWN      (very cheerfully)  Thank you!  Thank you!

SOLDIER    (speaking into his plastic walkie-talkie)
.          Oner-two-four-niner-twenty-seventy-hundred-
.          Mission complete. Update territorial report:
.          we have peace on the tableland.  I repeat,
.          all quite on the tableland.  Sir, yes, sir!

(BABY looks at CLOWN and points to his nose.)     9

BABY       Toy!  Toy!  Toy!

(NANNY purposefully steps toward BABY with
a big carpetbag and pulls out a toy for BABY.)

NANNY      Here you go, Nanny Carrie Bobkins
.          has a toy for you.

(BABY eyes the rattle then points to CLOWN’S nose.)

BABY       Toy!

NANNY      (shakes head)  Noooo. THAT is a “nose”.
.          Can you say “nose”?

BABY       (shakes head)  Nooooooo-se!   Nose!

(NANNY and BABY clap at the success.
BALLERINA notices and gracefully approaches, smiling.
BALLERINA sits on floor and takes BABY’s arms
to “dance” with her.  BABY laughs delightfully.)

BALLERINA  What a good baby.  Such a good baby.
.          Dance with me.  See?  We’re dancing.
.          Now, watch me.

(BALLERINA gets up and dances around BABY.)

SOLDIER    Attention, men!  Be on high alert!
.          I have found a suspicious looking box.

(SOLDER points down at miniature card box.  HERO,
BEN, NATIVE & COWBOY walk over to examine the box.)

HERO       I just assumed it was your footlocker, sir.

SOLDIER    Negative.  It says min... min...

HERO       (helping)  Min... mi-ni... mi-ni-AAAhh –

BEN        These are CARDS.  Miniature cards.
.          Located here, in the inventory ledger,
.          under - leisure expenditures.
.                                                10
COWBOY     (nudging NATIVE) Leisure expendidahdah?
.          Is that a good thing?

BEN        It is if you like having fun.

COWBOY     Well then – Yahoooo!  Bring it on.

(SOLDIER, SUPERHERO, NATIVE & COWBOY open the fairly
big box and pull out the cards. COWBOY deals them out,
using the index card box as a table.  BEN joins
them curiously.)

BEN        I have some time.  Deal me in.
.          Puppet?  Want to play?

PUPPET     No, I have – things to scheme – I mean –
.          think about.

COWBOY     (to NATIVE)  Do you have a five?

NATIVE     Goooo – fish.

SOLDIER    Hey, watch how you order us around,
.          there, civilian.

SUPERHERO  That actually means, he does not have
.          that particular card.

SOLDIER    Understood.  Please excuse
.          my defensive-reflex-reaction.

NATIVE     You’re excused.  Soldier, do you have a four?

SOLDIER    Yyyyesss.  What’s it to you?

NATIVE     It’s now mine, and I’ve now got
.          a pair of fours.

(NATIVE takes card from SOLDIER and lays down 2 cards.
Meanwhile, CLOWN has become interested in watching
the card game and looks for something to sit on.  
Seeing the cup on the other side, CLOWN rolls the cup
closer and tries sitting on the cup, but falls in a bit.  
Getting stuck, he struggles, waving his limbs around.)
.                                                  11
CLOWN      Help.  Help.  Help me.

SUPERHERO  (jumps up)  Iiii hear trouble!

SOLDIER    Need I call in the troops, sir?

NURSE      (calmly) It’s okay, I’ve got it-I’ve got it.
.          Margie, could you please assist me?

CLOWN      Help, I’m stuck in a big giant cup.
.          And I can’t get out.

(NURSE and MARGIE help to get him out.  CLOWN taps
his body everywhere.  NURSE bends an arm, MARGIE checks
to see if the CLOWN’S hat is still firmly attached.)

NURSE      Are you okay?  Do you need any medical
.          attention?

MARGIE     Could I get you any refreshments
.          from the cabin?  A magazine, perhaps?...
.          Maybe you’d like to get more comfortable?
.          Looks like you could take a break
.          from those horrible looking shoes.
.          They look extremely heavy.  We will
.          be ready for takeoff in just a minute.

CLOWN      (cheerfully)  Will I need a parachute?

MARGIE     No, but I have a music playing device
.          that you may stick in your ears.

(MARGIE pulls out a plastic iPod from her purse and
helps CLOWN attach them to his ears.  CLOWN freezes
at attention, waiting.)

CLOWN      (louder)  And what should happen now?

MARGIE     You pretend to hear music!  Any music you
.          wish.  And you can dance, if you’d like.

(CLOWN dances awkwardly in his corner.)

PUPPET     That’s the worst dancing, I’ve ever seen.
.                                                  12
(BALLERINA thinks the comment was meant for her,
so she lightly floats up to PUPPET.)

BALLERINA  It seems, when you cut off your strings,
.          you lost some of your niceness.

(Seeing CLOWN dancing, BALLERINA joins in
and dances circles around him.  
MARGIE goes into her wardrobe and pulls out
a plastic magazine and stares at the two pages.  
RAGBOY & RAGGIRL play with CAT & DOG using some rags
that they pull from their pockets to play tug of war.  
PUPPET rolls eyes with disgust.)

PUPPET     Ugh, ALL of you!  You are all so pathetic!

(PUPPET stands to talk.  ALL stop to listen curiously.
CLOWN keeps dancing, and all eyes drift over to him,
until BALLERINA pulls the cord out of his ears.
CAT brushes against RAGGIRL’s leg then sits to listen.  
DOG happily sits down and pant at RAGBOY’s feet.  
ALL look back at PUPPET, waiting for him to continue.)

PUPPET     Don’t you find this all so – boring?

NATIVE     Why?  How?  What do you mean?

PUPPET     You’re all so content with so little.
.          Aren’t you tired of just
.          going through the motions?  Doing
.          exactly what you were designed to do?

HERO       You mean, being nice and helping others?

NANNY      Playing with children and
.          making them happy?

BALLERINA  Which then - makes the toymaker happy?

MARGIE     What else is there?

PUPPET     DOING exactly what you WANT to do.
.          See?  THAT’S why I cut my strings.

SONG #3:   “FIND YOUR OWN BLISS”                 13

PUPPET     (sing) Why bother with this boring stuff?
.          Can’t you see that this-is not enough?
.          There is nothing you’ll miss
.          When-you find your own bliss
.          You can - dream as big as this
.          (v.2)Why do the things you’re told to do?
.          Acting out the orders right on cue?
.          There is nothing you’ll miss
.          When-you find your own bliss
.          You can - dream as big as this
.          (tag) YOU can – dream as big as this

(ALL have listened intently.  CLOWN sniffles,
and wipes a tear away, then becomes more cheery.)

CLOWN      That-that was so beautiful.  And -
.          that does sound like a lot less pressure.
.          I mean, do you even know how hard it is
.          to make someone laugh?  If someone asks you
.          to be funny – oh boy, you’re hooped if you
.          can’t think of anything funny to say or do.
.          It’s like being trapped... in a glass box.

(CLOWN starts miming being trapped in a glass box.
EVERYONE ignores him.  The box gets small really quickly,
so BEN uses the glass box as an imaginary desk to
lean on, with CLOWN “underneath”.  BEN nods.)

BEN        And let’s not forget the pressure of
.          competition - against such high tech toys
.          that most children have today.

RAGBOY     SOME children still have imaginations.

RAGGIRL    Yeah – SOME!  There are still those FEW
.          who can amuse themselves with nothing
.          but a pile of rags.

PUPPET     But let’s face it.  The world is changing.
.          There’s so much more out there for us.
.          Let’s let go of the old, and find the new.
.          And have some fun while doing it.

RAGBOY     I don’t know.  Sounds like trouble.     15

BEN        Perhaps.  But wait while I calculate
.          all the risks involved -

PUPPET     Always thinking and calculating.
.          Why not just go with the FLOW for once?

(BEN crosses his arms to think.)

SOLDIER    I HAVE served my tableland well.
.          It’s time I get a long R and R.

NANNY      I’ve served everyone, too - just as much.

(NANNY has been busy with BABY who now wants
to keep crawling over to the card table.)

NANNY      No!  Baby, nooo.  Or perhaps more.

(BABY stops for a second, then crawls a bit,
looking behind as if teasing.)

NANNY      Baby!  Nooo.

PUPPET     What’s the worst that could happen?

(BABY stops for a second, then crawls a bit,
looking back, teasing again.  NANNY gets very angry.)

NANNY      Baby!  No! - Aw, forget it.  Sure.
.          Let Baby do what it wants.  I don’t care.
.          (to PUPPET)  YOU are RIGHT.  From now on,
.          I’M ONLY going to think about MYSELF.

(NANNY grabs the card box.  If PUPPET stands on it,
she first pushes him off of it.  Sitting down,
NANNY pulls teacup & teapot from her carpetbag and
pours herself some tea, using box as a little table.  
Then pulls out a plastic book to read, ignoring
everyone around her.  CLOWN tries to put the iPod
back in his ears, and looks at MARGIE.)

CLOWN      Well, I want to listen to music.
.          Can you help me with these?
.                                                   15
MARGIE     No!  I cannot, because...
.          Well, NOW, I just don’t care.
.          I too am only going to care about myself.

(CLOWN gasps.  CLOWN turns to NURSE, who turns around.)

NURSE      Me, too.

CLOWN      Who’s going to help me?

(CLOWN turns to BEN who holds up a ‘stop’ hand.)

BEN        DO NOT bother me with such trivial matters!
.          Or even emergencies.  I am now going climb
.          to the very top of the corporate ladder
.          and make tons of moolah.  All for myself!

(BEN becomes absorbed with his cell phone, calculator and
briefcase.  After getting over his pain, CLOWN spends
a long time trying to get the cord into his ears.
SUPERHERO, SOLDIER, COWBOY and NATIVE now play cards.)

PUPPET     So, everyone – I still have another idea.
.          Could you all – come back and listen to me?
.          It’s even better than the first idea...

SOLDIER    Negative!  We are busy playing cards.
.          Just having fun, looking out for ourselves.

(PUPPET balks angrily and goes to a corner to sulk
and watch the dolls again.  BABY is at card table,
grabs a card and holds it up.  SUPERHERO swoops over,
waving his hands back and forth.)

SUPERHERO  Baby, no-no.  No-no, Baby.

COWBOY     (looks up)  Now listen here, Baby, lay ‘em
.          cards down nice and slow like, ya hear!

(BABY hides behind card, then pulls it down
to peek over it.)

BABY       Boooo.

COWBOY     Aw, now ain’t that cute.               16

BABY       (giggles, hides then peeks)  Boooooooo.

NATIVE     Okay, that’s enough now.

BABY       (giggles, hides then peeks)  P-boooo.

(BABY giggles then hides again, and peeks again.
BABY just looks and waits for the NATIVE to say it.)

BABY       Pee?...  Pee?...

NATIVE     No, look... ahhhh, okay, “peek-a-boo”.
.          Now, let us play-

BABY       Booo.  (giggles)

SOLDIER    Baby!  I don’t want to have to
.          tell you again:  put the card down.
.          I repeat, put the card down.

BABY       (hides & peeks again)  Booooo...

COWBOY     Look’a’here, it just ain’t cute anymore,
.          baby!

NATIVE     Ah, that does it.  I fold.  I’m finished.
.          I can’t take any more of this insanity.
.          (moves away)

SOLDIER    (to NATIVE)  That’s it?  Where you going,
.          soldier?  You’re going to just let
.          some baby ruin a good game of cards?  Hey,
.          I’m talking to you, I want to play cards!

(NATIVE waves off SOLDIER, and swings plastic tom-toms
from his back and beats out a rhythm.  BABY grabs card
with her hands right at the top and sucks it.)

SOLDIER    No-no-no-chewing on the cards.
.          You’re making it all soggy.

(BABY giggles at this.)

COWBOY     (gives up & looks around helplessly)   17
.          Hey, where can a cowboy get a plastic
.          hamburger round here?  How’s about it,
.          Margie?  Be a sweet lil’gal–

MARGIE     Get it yourself.  I’M... (thinking)
.          going to the spa!  (puts magazine down)

NURSE      THAT sounds great!  WHAT is a spa?

MARGIE     I have no idea. I just heard the word “SPA”
.          and I liked the sound of it.  So I’m going -
.          and I’ll just make it up as I go.

BEN        (looks up)  And just how much is THAT
.          going to cost?

MARGIE     Who cares.  I deserve it.

BEN        But I want more MOOOLAH for myself.

NURSE      Oh, lighten up.  We’re looking for the spa.

(BEN puts his head back down to his very busy work.
COWBOY plunks down beside NATIVE and looks at him.)

COWBOY     A bonfire would sure be nice.

NATIVE     And you’re expecting me to make it?
.          I always make it.

COWBOY     Fine!

(COWBOY goes to toy shelf, pulls out a plastic bonfire,
carries it over, and drops it to the ground.)

COWBOY     There!

(COWBOY puts his hat over his eyes and leans against
the index card box.  SOLDIER sits down to join them
at the fire, and tries to warm his hands.)

SOLDIER    Not much heat from this thing.

COWBOY     (practically)  It’s plastic, sooo...
.                                                 18
(MARGIE and NURSE link arms and roam aimlessly,
holding an inane conversation, like gibberish-talk
kids would do while playing.)

MARGIE     So I hear that Susie got a gerbil
.          and named it Matimba.

NURSE      You don’t say.

MARGIE     She accidentally let it go on purpose,
.          and Suzie couldn’t find it anywhere.

NURSE      You don’t say.

MARGIE     But Matimba was under her bed, IN HER SOCK.
.          And Matimba had five hundred thousand babies –
.          AND EVERYONE’S NAME WAS BOO-BOO-DAH.

NURSE      You don’t say.

COWBOY     (tilts hat back up)  I ain’t gitting any
.          sleep what with all the prattlin’ going on
.          from them-there women-folk!

MARGIE     And I heard that Cowboy was taking
.          dancing lessons from Ballerina.
.          But he has three left feet, and
.          all of them have the name BOO-BOO-DAH.

(BALLERINA poses with her hands on her hips and
squints at the girls.  COWBOY rolls his eyes,
sits up and grabs the plastic guitar from his back.)

COWBOY     Well in that case, I think
.          it’s time for a song.

SONG #4:   “HOMESTEAD OKAY RANCH”

COWBOY     (sings real twang’y & yodel’y)
.          Down the hill, there are horses
.          and barrel racing courses.  I wish
.          it were all mine, it would be mighty fine
.          op-er-a-ting Homestead O-kay Ranch.

COWBOY     (singing verse 2)                      19
.          There are deer, and coyote,
.          buffalo, and prairie doggie.  I love
.          them animals, even them there cam-els
.          they’re all there at Homestead O-kay Ranch
.          (ch.)  In the field we can build a bonfire,
.          sing em songs which attract a wolf choir.
.          We can wail all night with harmonicas,
.          and anything can join us if they howl
.          (howl and swoop up an octave)

MARGIE     Please, somebody, make it stop!

COWBOY     (sing v.3)  Later on, we’ll perspire

MARGIE     There’s MORE???

COWBOY     (sing)  as we’re working – posting wire...

(SUPERHERO jumps up to COWBOY and strikes a pose.)

SUPERHERO  STOP! In the name of humanity!

COWBOY     (sing)  The time that we take,
.          for the fences that we make
.          will keep all the critters safe and sound.

(SOLDIER grabs the guitar and throws it into the fire.
NATIVE hugs his tom-toms to protect them.  ALL freeze
to watch, but nothing happens to the guitar.)

COWBOY     It’s plastic, soooo...
.          And I wanted to sing, ya’ hear?

RAGGIRL    You could have just asked him nicely.

BALLERINA  Who are you, the politeness police?

RAGBOY     This could have been handled differently,
.          is all we’re saying.

PUPPET     And while we’re all talking, I have
.          another idea I’d like to discuss –
.          I’m thinking of making a long rope
.          with the strings I cut off so that -
.                                                   20
COWBOY     Nope.  We’ve got our own things to do.

(COWBOY pulls guitar from bonfire and wipes it down.  
PUPPET watches SOLDIER as he takes a plastic
walkie-talkie out of his backpack.)

SOLDIER    Oner-2-5-niner-20-70-hundred –
.          I am NOT reporting for duty.  Because,
.          I’m still on R and R.  I repeat, still
.          on R and R and NOT available for re-con.

PUPPET     (eyes SOLDIER and thinks of something)
.          I bet you can’t show me any good knots.

SOLDIER    (puts away walkie-talkie)  Bet I can!

(PUPPET smiles, feeling he might be getting somewhere
now.  PUPPET rubs his hands together eagerly.)

PUPPET     Oh really.  Prove it!

SOLDIER    I don’t have to prove nothing.

PUPPET     (confidence deflates as his ploy fails)
.          So you’re not even going to show me?

SOLDIER    That’s an affirmative on the negative.
.          I’m on R and R.

(Unsuccessful, PUPPET turns and snaps his fingers.
RAGBOY & RAGGIRL watch as PUPPET drags
his strings to the stage’s edge,
then stops to look down again to gage the height.
PUPPET scratches his head, beginning to feel anxious.
PUPPET sits and [pretends to] knot strings together,
then measures it off the length with his arms.)

RAGBOY     (to RAGGIRL)  See? He’s up to something,
.          and I sense trouble.  What do you think?
.          Shouldn’t we say anything?

RAGGIRL    Naw, just leave it alone.
.          No one has asked for advice.

RAGBOY     But I know trouble is on its way.      21

RAGGIRL    Just leave it alone already!
.          You’re sounding like a busybody.

(RAGGIRL and RAGBOY push each other around a bit.
CAT and DOG see the fight and join in with a pounce.

Meanwhile, BALLERINA has stopped to stretch
and blocks the path for MARGIE & NURSE,
her leg just misses MARGIE.)

BALLERINA  Oops.  You should be careful.

NURSE      YOU be careful.

BALLERINA  (sarcastically)  Oh, I’m so scared.  Brr.

(NURSE backs into CLOWN, sending his nose rolling.)

CLOWN      Oh no!  My nose!  There goes my nose!

(BALLERINA, NURSE and MARGIE all laugh hysterically.
CAT starts to chase the nose, and DOG starts to chase
the CAT.  They begin to bark and hiss at each other.)

CLOWN      It’s not funny! I did not do that
.          to be funny!  Will no one help me?

MARGIE     (ending her laugh)  Oooo, no,
.          we are too busy going to the spa.

BALLERINA  I’m going to the spa, too!

(BALLERINA follows right on their heels obstinately.
CLOWN wrestles the DOG and CAT for his nose.
RAGBOY & RAGGRIL try to help, but it ends up looking
more like a pushing match.  MARGIE, NURSE & BALLERINA
come to the spot where MARGIE left her magazine.)

MARGIE     Here we are – at the spa.

(BALLERINA shrugs and picks up the magazine.)

MARGIE     That’s my magazine.
.                                               22
(BALLERINA sits down to study it anyway.  
NANNY takes her book and walks over to BALLERINA.)

NANNY      Hey, I want to trade my book for
.          your magazine.  I’ve been staring at
.          the same two pages for a very long time.

(BALLERINA stands and puts her hands on her hips as
NANNY just makes the switch anyway.)

BALLERINA  What’s the difference?!

NANNY      Um, mine is red, and this one is pink.

BALLERINA  Well, I wasn’t quite finished
.          with the pink one.

NURSE      Except that, it’s Margie’s magazine.

(NANNY, BALLERINA, MARGIE and NURSE keep
fighting and switching the reading materials.  
BABY starts throwing cards around.  One lands on BEN.  
BEN tries to ignore this, but becomes irritated.)

BEN        This is going to cost you, Baby!
.          I demand compensation.

(BABY giggles and lightly taps BEN on the head
with a card.  BEN grits his teeth and tries to work.
Meanwhile, PUPPET has tiptoed around and
Seeing the big “Margie’s Accessories” wardrobe box,
he opens it and begins to pull out things.  
BEN senses this and leaps up, trying to stop PUPPET.)

BEN        Wait-wait – stop – I wanted all this!
.          You are destroying my empire. AHHHHHH!!!

(PUPPET freezes, staring at BEN.  BEN finally slaps
his forehead, throwing his arms up in surrender.
BEN looks around and sees that BABY throwing cards
at SOLDIER, COWBOY and SUPERHERO who take cover
behind the index card box.  NATIVE paces angrily.)

NATIVE     Hey, superhero, can’t you stop this baby?
.                                               23
SUPERHERO  (cowering)  No, I’m scared.  I mean,
.          it’s out of my jurisdiction.

BEN        (picks up a card and yells)  Kowabunga!
.          Business Benjamin is gone! Just call me
.          Surfer Ben!  Surf’s up, dudes!

(BEN loosens his necktie to wear around forehead,
then jumps on top of the card and pretends to surf.)

SOLDIER    Well, we’re losing the war, boys.
.          We keep losing cards.  And Ben –
.          has finally lost his marbles.

COWBOY     We had MARBLES?!

NATIVE     Figure of speech!

(PUPPET has gone back into the wardrobe and finds
a scarf.  Seeing how long it is, PUPPET excitedly
goes to tie that to the end of his strings.
CLOWN gets his nose back, and goes to the wardrobe
to find a “tinfoil” mirror to put his nose back on.)

CLOWN      This is a horrible mirror.

BEN        (yells out)  It’s your face, dude!  

CLOWN      I have a flat, silver face?
.          This is horrible!

(MARGIE marches over to CLOWN to grab mirror away,
and then the iPod.)

MARGIE     Hey – this is mine!  And so is this!

CLOWN      You – used to always share.

MARGIE     Well, my SELF has told me NOT to share
.          anymore.  And -  (seeing her scarf,
.             tries to take it away from PUPPET)
.          This is mine, as well.  And -
.          why do you even want this scarf?
.          It doesn’t even go with your outfit.
.                                              24
PUPPET     Well, why do YOU get a bunch of stuff?

MARGIE     I’m Accessories Margie!  That’s why!

PUPPET     But– I neee– I– would liii – I DESERVE
.          to have this scarf!  If-if it weren’t for me,
.          you would not be listening to your SELF.
.          You’d still be sharing all your stuff
.          with everyone.  See?  I helped you.  
.          And NOW you should help me.

SOLDIER    Hey! You there!  Just why did you want
.          me to show you how to make knots?  Huh?

COWBOY     Yeah, what exactly are you up to,
.          there, mister?

PUPPET     Oh, so now you want to know?

(CAT and DOG have strayed away from RAGBOY & RAGGIRL
and get into the strings and play around.)

PUPPET     Hey, get out of there. Get off my strings!

NANNY      But you said you didn’t WANT those anymore.

PUPPET     Well, sure, but ah, they’re still MINE! So -
.          (to CAT and DOG)  Hey!  Git, git.  Shoo.
.          Look, you’re making a tangled mess.
.          Just look what you’re doing!

(Seeing CLOWN’S nose, PUPPET grabs it from his face
and waves it in front of the CAT and DOG.)

PUPPET     Here, you go – look - look what I have –
.          look what I have.  Go- go get it.  Fetch!

(PUPPET throws the nose and CAT and DOG chase after.
CLOWN touches his face where his nose used to be.
CLOWN starts to cry.  Then BABY joins in.)

NATIVE     (to PUPPET)  Look what you’ve started.

(BABY & CLOWN still cry.)
.                                                25
COWBOY     (straight at NANNY)  Could someone
.          get this baby to settle down?

NANNY      Don’t look at me.  YOU do it.

COWBOY     Aw man!  Well, if I get the baby,
.          could someone at least
.          git that clown to stop blubbering?

(NATIVE grabs a card and hands it to CLOWN.)

NATIVE     Here – go fish.
.
CLOWN      (takes card and studies it curiously)
.          Oh!  Lookie, pictures.

(COWBOY rummages through NANNY’S carpetbag.)

NANNY      Hey!

(COWBOY pulls out a bottle, daring NANNY
to take it away.  NANNY waves him off.
COWBOY carefully approaches BABY, and tries
to lure it to the back using the bottle.)

COWBOY     Come on, baby, come on.
.          Look what I have for you.  
.          Come over here to this comfy corner.
.          That’s a good, baby.

(BABY slowly wobbles and teeters toward COWBOY,
who keeps inching backwards to a far corner.  
COWBOY sets it down on the floor and runs.
BABY grabs the bottle to drink.  Her eyes grow heavy,
and she slowly tips over.  Her head rests on the
big tube of glue.  COWBOY tiptoes away from BABY.)

MARGIE     So glad that didn’t require any singing.

BEN        (back to surfing)  Kawabunga!

COWBOY     Sshhh.

BABY       (deadpan)  Wah.  Da-da.  Da-DA?  Da-DA?
.                                                26
COWBOY     (glares at BEN then returns to BABY)
.          Wha?-aw-nooooo, go to sleep, baby.

BABY       La-la-la-la...

COWBOY     Go back to sleep.

BABY       LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!

COWBOY     Oh, you want me to sing?

MARGIE     Oh no, please no.

(COWBOY takes guitar from his back and starts to sing.)

SONG #5:   “OH BABY DOLL”

COWBOY     (sing)  Oh baby doll, sweet baby doll
.          Oh please, we want you back asleep.

MARGIE     I can’t tolerate another song from him.

COWBOY     (sing)  Oh baby doll, sweet baby doll
.          I hope you don’t make one-more peep.

NURSE      I don’t know which is worse,
.          his singing or–

(BABY cries a big wahhhh.  COWBOY glares at girls.)

COWBOY     (sing)  Please shut your eyes
.          and shut your mouth!

ALL        (sing)  You should be sleeping nice
.          and tight.  Oh baby doll, sweet baby doll
.          Please stay that way till morning light.
.            (singing tag slower and quieter)
.          Please shut your eyes and shut your mouth!
.          You should be sleeping nice and tight.
.          Oh baby doll, sweet baby doll
.          Please stay that way till morning light.

(EVERYONE quietly waits to make sure BABY is asleep.
BABY starts snoring loudly, and everyone sighs.)
.                                                 27
RAGBOY     Wow, we finally did something together.

RAGGIRL    And it kind of felt good.  Right?

NURSE      Perhaps.  But it sure feels good
.          to have some peace and quiet.

(While ALL agree with this, PUPPET sneaks two
other scarves from wardrobe and ties them together.)

SOLDIER    (noticing PUPPET)  Hold up! Attention men!
.          We still have a mission to complete.

NANNY      Yes, there is a mystery to be solved.

(ALL turn to PUPPET who tries to hide
the scarves behind his back.)

BALLERINA  Yes! Why DOES Margie have so much stuff?
.          I want some of her stuff too.

MARGIE     No!  That’s not the mystery they meant.

NURSE      You DO have WAY more stuff than we do.

NANNY      (hiding her carpetbag behind her back)
.          Yeah, that’s right.

NATIVE     Look, why don’t we put all the stuff
.          in one pile then take turns picking out
.          the stuff we want.

COWBOY     Sounds fair.

MARGIE     Not at all.  I do not agree to that.

BALLERINA  That’s because you have more stuff
.          than everybody.

NATIVE     Me first.  I pick the deck of mi-ni-a-ture
.          cards.

SOLDIER    That’s not fair!  There is more than
.          one card in that deck.
.                                                 29
BEN        And what am I going to use as a surfboard?
.          Huh?  That’s ALL I want.  A card.
.          Just ONE card.  Un carrrrdo! Dudes!

(The MEN continue to silently argue over the cards.
Meanwhile, PUPPET ties a loop at one end of his strings
and puts it around the card box.  MARGIE has picked up
the mirror, and the WOMEN begin to fight over that.)

BALLERINA  Hey, I want that.

NANNY      I need it.

MARGIE     But it’s mine.

(NURSE takes a brush and they all start fighting for it.)

NURSE      I get the brush then.

BALLERINA  No, I want that.

NANNY      I need it.

MARGIE     But it’s mine.

SONG #6:   “THIS IS MINE”

RAGBOY & RAGGIRL (sing)  Don’t be so selfish!

BALLERINA  (sing)  You shouldn’t have everything!

MARGIE     (sing)  That is just not true-,
.          I am missing one pink shoe!

CLOWN      (sing)  I want those tom-toms!

SOLDIER    (sing)  I want that red book!

BEN        (sing)  Give me that weird radio!

(RAGBOY and RAGGIRL shake their heads at the chaos.
EVERYONE except PUPPET glares at them.)

RAGBOY & RAGGIRL (sing)  Don’t give us that weird look!
.                                              30
ALL        (shout)  Hey!

MARGIE     (sing ch.)  This is mine!

NANNY      (sing)  I want that!

NURSE      (sing)  You should give me these!

ALL WOMEN  (singing – except for MARGIE & RAGGIRL)
.          It’s not fair, you have way more
.          Than-what we think you need!

ALL        (shout)  Hey!

COWBOY     (sing)  This is mine!

NATIVE     (sing)  I want that!

(CAT and DOG have a standoff over the baby’s rattle.
DOG barks the tune as realistically as possible.)

DOG        (bark the tune)  ar-ar-ar-ar -

CAT        (sing)  MEOW!

ALL        (sing)  Maybe there is something more -
.          we have not yet found!

(ALL end up looking around, while PUPPET
drops the rope over the edge of the stage and
watches it go down - like it is a long way down.  
SUPERHERO jumps to attention and announces loudly
as PUPPET gets ready to go down the rope.)

SUPERHERO  DANGER! I sense DANGER!

SOLDIER    Halt!

COWBOY     (saunters up to PUPPET)  All right there,
.          bucko, wha’cha think yer do’in?

NANNY      Why are you bothering to stop HIM?
.          He’s just a troublemaker.

SOLDIER    Still, he tied some terrible knots      31
.          here with these strings.  These knots
.          will never hold.  And that box definitely
.          will NOT stay put. He would certainly fall –
.          to certain catastrophe.

(SOLDIER and HERO grab the arms of the PUPPET and
pull him back onto the stage then help him stand.)

PUPPET     (looks up, wondering)  So, even though
.          I’m a troublemaker, you still saved me?

SOLDIER    I guess, we did.  It’s our duty.

SUPERHERO  It’s what we do – what we SHOULD do.

RAGBOY     (to everyone)  Again, didn’t that feel
.          GOOD doing something for someone else?

COWBOY     Boy howdy’ it sure did.

RAGBOY     And let’s get something straight,
.          why is puppet the troublemaker?

MARGIE     He got everyone to become selfish.

RAGBOY     He only suggested it.  We all made
.          our own decision to become selfish.

RAGGIRL    It’s true. Puppet just gave us
.          the idea.  We chose for ourselves.

BEN        Hmm, these rag people have a point.

PUPPET     There, see? I’m not the bad guy here.

RAGBOY     But you DID try to manipulate all of us.

COWBOY     (straining to understand)
.          Boy howdy, we’ve bin using some
.          mighty big words round here lately!

RAGBOY     Puppet was trying to pull YOUR strings.

(DOLLS slowly start to realize.)
.                                               32
NANNY      Oh!  I see.  (to PUPPET)  So you
.          did not want anybody to control YOU,
.          but YOU wanted to control all of US.

MARGIE     You just wanted US to SERVE YOU?!

(All FEMALE dolls put their hands on their hips.)

NURSE      Weren’t we doing that anyway?  I mean,
.          before this crazy mess all started?

MARGIE     Well!  Now I do not WANT to serve YOU!
.          Why would I serve someone who is selfish?

RAGGIRL    But then YOU are being selfish.
.          And maybe someone who really needs help,
.          won’t get it.

NANNY      We were all having way more fun
.          when we all worked together and shared.

SOLDIER    After all, we were made with a purpose.
.          Without a purpose, there isn’t any reason.

COWBOY     Yeah, talk’bout being boring and MUNDANE.
.          We ended up just – just sitting around
.          a plastic bonfire – sulking.

PUPPET     But wait – what is wrong with that?
.          At least it was YOUR choice.  If children
.          are playing with you, you STILL wind up
.          just sitting around a plastic bonfire!

RAGBOY     But don’t you see?  If it’s just MY choice,
.          that’s it.  That’s all there is to that.
.          But if I choose to let a child
.          play with me, and THEY put me beside
.          a plastic bonfire, I’m NOT JUST
.          sitting beside a plastic bonfire-
.          I’m ALSO bringing JOY to the CHILD –

BALLERINA  AND the toymaker!  We cannot forget
.          about how we then make the toymaker happy.
.          He made us just for that reason.
.                                                32
(PUPPET makes a sour face.)

RAGGIRL    Are you still going to leave us?

PUPPET     Well, ahhhh...

COWBOY     Listen, sonny, life out in the wilderness
.          ain’t no picnic, ya’know.

HERO       It’s dangerous.

NANNY      And lonely.

MARGIE     And what exactly are you going to do?
.          I mean, what can you do out there
.          that you can’t already do here?

BALLERINA  Or in some warm home of a child?

(BABY wakes up and crawls or totters over to the group,
holding onto her bottle.  Plopping down, she sits there
and listens nicely.  NANNY finds the rattle and
hands it to BABY.  BABY drops the bottle and
clasps the rattle with both hands happily.)

BABY       Goo-goo-gaaaah.

PUPPET     You do make some excellent points.

RAGBOY     It’s almost morning.  You need to decide.

PUPPET     (thinking)  I – think - I’ll stay!...
.          Yes!  I’m going to stay!

(ALL cheer.)

NURSE      Your strings need to be fixed, then.

MARGIE     And we need to clean up this mess!

CLOWN      I am STILL missing my nose!

SUPERHERO  Putting my laser ray nose-detector
.          eyes on and scanning the tableland.
.                                              33
(SUPERHERO races around stage looking for nose.
NURSE and SOLDIER tie strings onto PUPPET.
SUPERHERO brings the nose back with a huge pose.)

SUPERHERO  I have found the nose!

(NURSE takes the nose and studies the CLOWN.)

NURSE      So why exactly did the glue NOT work
.          when the toymaker put your nose on?

CLOWN      Oh, it’s not his fault.  The dog was
.          licking my face right before
.          the toymaker came in.

NURSE      Well, let’s make sure it stays dry,
.          then.

(DOG comes over trying to lick CLOWN’S face.
CLOWN gasps with fear.  BABY shakes her rattle to
get DOG’s attention, then throws it to play fetch.
BALLERINA picks up a card and fans CLOWN’S face.  
NURSE takes nose and takes cap off glue tube,
while HERO lightly steps on it.  NURSE pretends
to get glue onto nose then quickly
puts it onto CLOWN’s face as she speaks.)

NURSE      The cap is off.  Now, very lightly,
.          step on the tube to squeeze out the glue.
.          There.  All better!  Now, do not touch!
.          (to BALLERINA)  Keep up the good work.

(BALLERINA keeps fanning CLOWN’S face to dry nose.
NURSE now helps PUPPET with his strings.
BEN fixes his tie, then keeps track as inventory
is put into the wardrobe by NURSE, RAGGIRL & NANNY,
with MARGIE giving directions.)
SOLDIER walks over and directs the card’s
cleanup crew of HERO, RAGBOY, COWBOY and NATIVE.)

SOLDIER    Operation alert.  There are still
.          missing cards.

HERO       (posing)  I see one!
.                                              34
(COWBOY & NATIVE roll cup back into place.)

SONG #7:   “HELP OURSELVES”

NURSE      (sing)  Help yourself and
.          choose to let us help you,
.          fix your broken string.

BALLERINA  (sing)  And your nose
.          let’s try to dry this while we sing.

ALL        (sing)  Help ourselves, by
.          helping ev’rybody, give instead of take.
.          Tender loving care
.          will help a friend to make.

SOLDIER    There’s still one card missing.
.          I repeat, there is still one missing.

(MARGIE hands the last card to NATIVE.)

MARGIE     (singing, starting the verse off)
.          Here you go –

NATIVE     (sing)  Thank you very much.

(NATIVE puts card into box.  MARGIE hands SOLDIER
the lid to the box so SOLDIER can close it up.)

MARGIE     (sing)  Love to give a hand.

(DOG gives rattle to BABY.  NANNY pats DOG’S head.
BABY now sways to the music.)

NANNY      (sing)  Faithful friends,
.          do come through for us

(PUPPET sees CAT ready to pounce on his strings.  
PUPPET bends down to play with the CAT.)

PUPPET     (sing) They care for all in Tableland.

ALL        (sing)  When we work
.          together it’s the most fun
.                                              35
BABY       (singing very loudly and joyfully)
.          Goo goo dah dah mum!

ALL        (sing)  And see now, the work we have
.          is totally done. We’re ready now
.          to do what we were made to do.

(A last runaround check, then ALL dash back
into same starting position, singing stiffly.)

ALL        (sing tag)  We’re ready now
.          to do what we-were made to do.

(Remembering, SOLDIER, HERO, COWBOY and NATIVE pull
the cover/drapes over top again.  LIGHTS OFF.)

                STAGE RIGHT

(TOYMAKER and CLIENT enter, talking as they put
dolls into gift bags, then put those into a box.)

MAKER     How is the little girl doing?

CLIENT    Much better.  Thank you
.         for remembering.  And I must say again,
.         these toys are amazing.  I know
.         the children are going to love them.

MAKER     (picks up clown, he checks the nose)
.         Ah, good, the nose is on nice and firm now.
.        (finds puppet behind the wardrobe)
.         Why, here’s the little guy.  All 16 toys
.         are here!  And ready to bring all the
.         little children some Christmas joy.

CLIENT    Oh, how much do I owe you?

MAKER     Nothing.  Nothing at all.
.         It was my pleasure.  Merry Christmas!

CLIENT    Merry Christmas.

(CLIENT & TOYMAKER exit.  SOUND of doorbell tinkles.)